tween daughter..do's and dont's?

[3arci]

i have a "tween" daughter. Not really a problem. Want some pointers, advice because im new to this stage (regarding sa may anak na tween tapos babae pa). I keep on saying to her na don't go there, don't friends with bad peer, don't do this cause you might do something silly, ...and she keep on saying "mom, naman, napakaparanoid mo" am i? or im just being overprotective. alam mo naman nowadays, like dami ng rapist kahit ano edad wala pinipili, dami na masasamang tao..hahahahah...paranoid na nga siguro ako. i settle at a young age, kaya siguro ganito na ako kaparanoid. i gave birth at the age of 17 (don't comment on this ) that's why im so obsess of her not being silly and vulnerable. i know it's my responsibility to do whats good for her and to be a role model but i admit im not a perfect mother, i do some stuffs na nakakasakit din sa kaniya. i just to hear some experiences and do's and dont's para maiwasan ang di kanais nais.

[jielun]

Ito observation ko sa mga friends ko (not sure if this holds in general). Yung mga friends kong masyadong strict ang parents, they are usually the ones na nagrerebelde and end up getting pregnant before college. On the other hands, yung mga friends kong lenient ang parents have good careers now at hindi pa nabubuntis. In my case ganun din, anlaki ng freedom at pgtitiwala na binigay ng parents ko sakin kaya heto, maayos naman akong tao. I had all the opportunity to do drugs, casual sex, etc but I didnt.

Wag mong iparamdam sa kanya na para siyang nakakulong. Teenager na siya, yan yung stage na dapat maenjoy nya ang pakikipagkaibigan, barkada, lakwasta at paggawa ng kung anu ano. The best thing for you to do is to give her some amount of freedom, and make sure open ang communication nyo sa isa't isa (comfortable siya makipag-sayo about boys, love life, sex, etc).

[3arci]

i observe too, sa mga nieces ko, the more na pinagbabawalan sila lalo silang nanggugumigil. nakakatakot lang environment ngayon. kahit ikaw nag-iingat usually kahit ano ingat mo may mga tao talagang di mapagkakatiwalaan. kaya ang akin lang ingat ingat.
we're bestfriends naman (kasi dahil na rin sa age gap namin). gusto ko lang makadinig ng do's and dont's though i know some.

[djaynitor]

PARENT BY EXAMPLE.

Bottomline: parents can only lead; parents cannot control.

--sent from my HTC Cha Cha

[kim G]

first of all tween is not yet teenager so they shouldnt have the freedom of a teenager.

takot ka na this might happen,that might happen, bakit di mo turuan ang anak mo ng dapat nyang gawin? instead na sabihin mo "dont do this and that....." give her tools how and what to do.

say unsavory people on the street
i tell my girls even before they start school, walang grown up na lalapit sa bata para magpatulong na hanapin ang pusa nila o aso. pag may lumapit sa kanilang ganito ang approach,run or dont even walk on the street alone to begin with. lumapit sila sa people of authority na surely they trust and i will specifically enumerate kung sino sino ang mga ito.

di ko sila papasundo kahit na kakilala nila unless they know ahead of time. and we have password na kailangan alam ng tao na kukuha sa kanila.

i tell them monsters on the street not necessarily scary looking as matter of fact they are friendly and charming.

i try to know all their friends even befriend their friends' parents by this way in ako sa mga pinaggagawa nila and i can compare notes with other parents.

i tell them drugs,alcohol and cigarette are nothing but disaster.i don't sugarcoat it. tell and show them as it is.cigarette,they will stink,their teeth will yellowed.i tell them inom ka na lang drano,pareho din effect nun and do the job faster.
drugs and alcohol, they are stupidest way of dealing your miseries dahil yan ang madalas na dahilan to use. and i tell them that any drugs that is not prescribed to them by doctors is bad.

you know what walang rules how to parent your child.it is all pure love and common sense.you have to remember,you are not her friend,you are her mother but can be a friendly mother.
you are to teach ,guide and discipline her.listen when she is happy and sad.

i overheard my youngest said to her friend "my mom doesnt mince words but she is honest and reliable" and i think that is one of highest compliment i ever heard

[jielun]

about dun sa sex, kung hindi nyo mapag-usapan nang diretso, magparinig ka na lang paminsanminsan. Example: Kawawa naman yung anak ni mareng X dun sa kabilang kanto, nabuntis iniwanan ng bf. Example pa: Grabe sabi sa tv dumadami na nagkaka HIV ngayon.

^ Wala yan nasa age kundi sa level of maturity (and CURIOSITY) ng bata. May mga teenager na astang tween at may mga tween na basta, yun na.

[kim G]

Wala yan nasa age kundi sa level of maturity

you are right.
i treated my kids as thinking human being since they were born kaya ismarte silang lahat.
and since i dont mince words and i know how much can they take i sat them down and talk about bodily function.
and if i heard a story or read in the newspaper about teenage pregnancy, young people using drugs, guns and violence i make a point we discuss it openly.
i do it bec i want to hear kung ano ang opinion nila at gusto kong maintindihan nila mabuti ang implications ng action nila ngayon for the rest of their life.

one thing i dont take chance is parenting my kids.
sinisiguarado na may tiwala sila sa sarili nila,alam nila ang ginagawa nila at alam nila ang tama at moral.

i have 23 who is a grad of s 4 yr univ course and doing her masteral told me"if i will have a baby married or not,if i will drink or use drugs,if i will get married,i will do it bec i decide so" and that is my first born. she is strong,independent and confident in her decisions.that is not pure luck,that is all about parenting from my husband and i.

[3arci]

i have 23 who is a grad of s 4 yr univ course and doing her masteral told me"if i will have a baby married or not,if i will drink or use drugs,if i will get married,i will do it bec i decide so" and that is my first born. she is strong,independent and confident in her decisions.that is not pure luck,that is all about parenting from my husband and i.

wow!kudos to both of you ng husband mo. nakakaparanoid lang kasi ang mundo *****. but still, we keep our sessions (one-on-one) with my daughter every now and then. and still adjusting with the situation. i know its one at atime process..thanks for sharing.

[grim_reaper1814]

Simple lang yan, you just have to know the schedule of your daughter's fertility. Kapag fertile siya, bawal siya lumabas ng bahay. Iyan ang pinaka effective na solusyon kung ayaw mong maging lola kaagad.

[jielun]

^ LOL!!!

[kim G]

e keep our sessions (one-on-one) with my daughter every now and then. and still adjusting with the situation. i know its one at atime process

make it a habit.
talk about everything,talk all the time.and most important listen.

minsan gusto natin mag comment about their friends,their clothes but as long it is alright and within limit, i shut up.
kids interpret comments as criticism and they do not like that.

i tease my eldest sometimes and i tell her "dont make me a grandma before 50!" her response,"not happening anytime soon"

[grim_reaper1814]

actually effective talaga yung solusyon na sinabi ko. Kasi nature designed it that way. Kapag fertile ang babae, naglalabas ito ng pheromones at naamoy ito ng lalaki kaya nag iincrease ang libido ng lalaki. At siyempre dahil dito mag-aaya ito. Ito namang si babae eh dahil fertile, mahihirapang humindi. Kasi naman, she has to go against nature. Kaya ayan ang solusyon ng isang prof ko. No nights out during fertile periods. Effective naman daw.

Kaya mothers, I tell you, walang silbi yang one-on-one heart-to-heart talk if nature's instincts overcome your daughter. You should know how the body works and make your strategy based on that knowledge.

[adiposethoughts]

actually effective talaga yung solusyon na sinabi ko. Kasi nature designed it that way. Kapag fertile ang babae, naglalabas ito ng pheromones at naamoy ito ng lalaki kaya nag iincrease ang libido ng lalaki. At siyempre dahil dito mag-aaya ito. Ito namang si babae eh dahil fertile, mahihirapang humindi. Kasi naman, she has to go against nature. Kaya ayan ang solusyon ng isang prof ko. No nights out during fertile periods. Effective naman daw.

Kaya mothers, I tell you, walang silbi yang one-on-one heart-to-heart talk if nature's instincts overcome your daughter. You should know how the body works and make your strategy based on that knowledge.

I like this idea. Good point.

[djaynitor]

actually effective talaga yung solusyon na sinabi ko. Kasi nature designed it that way. Kapag fertile ang babae, naglalabas ito ng pheromones at naamoy ito ng lalaki kaya nag iincrease ang libido ng lalaki. At siyempre dahil dito mag-aaya ito. Ito namang si babae eh dahil fertile, mahihirapang humindi. Kasi naman, she has to go against nature. Kaya ayan ang solusyon ng isang prof ko. No nights out during fertile periods. Effective naman daw.

Kaya mothers, I tell you, walang silbi yang one-on-one heart-to-heart talk if nature's instincts overcome your daughter. You should know how the body works and make your strategy based on that knowledge.

Magbitbit na lang ng condom para may protection kung sakaling NANGATI....

--sent from my HTC Cha Cha

[kim G]

Kaya mothers, I tell you, walang silbi yang one-on-one heart-to-heart talk if nature's instincts overcome your daughter. You should know how the body works and make your strategy based on that knowledge.

so you are suggesting we treat our daughters like dogs.isolate them when they are in heat. this theory probably will work in 1800 and with animals.
or this might work if the daughter is just plain stupid that doesnt understand right or wrong, respect of herself and effect of actions.
i fell sorry for these kind of women.

mas agree pa ako sa suggestion ni djaynitor at least praktikal at may sense.

[grim_reaper1814]

condoms are not 100% full proof.

Tsaka, at that age, madali silang mauto ng lalaki. Kasi they are vulnerable.

Funny in college, we were having a discussion about sex with some of my friends and one was so grossed out and gave a negative reaction. I mentioned that those who reacted like that the are ones most likely to get pregnant early.

True enough, before the following semester ended, she gave birth.

I honestly can't believe a mother of tween (13-17) would be giving condoms to her girl. It's like approving of early sexual relations as long as she doesn't get pregnant. And what if she does, abortion?

I still believe that girls who are below 18 should be treated like girls not like adults. Let them enjoy their childhood. Let them do the adult stuff when they're adults.

i'm not saying you isolate them. I just said no nights out. If you were a creative mother, you would create family or girls activities that would be timed during this periods. You also explain to them why they are not allowed to go out during those times. No one is isolating anyone. Unless your idea of no nights out means locking her up in the bedroom.

[kim G]

@ grim

one of your friend/colleague got turned off sa sex and yet soon enough she had a baby? all i can say is kulang sa information.

are people gonna learn how to swim just bec they have swimming pool?

let me clear it up,tweens are the ages of 9 to 12
13 to 19 are teenagers.
i find this funny bec we are discussing two completely different ideas.

we are living in western society and culture.wala kami sa pinas at dito rin pinanganak ang mga anak ko.
i have to brought them up in a way they can cope with life we have here.

kailangan maging open ako sa mga anak,tell them everything they need to know,equipped them with the right tools and trust my daughters to use them.

what i tell them is i dont agree with premarital sex. i can talk till i am blue in the face but if they choose to be sexually active,what at least i can hope is they know all the ways to protect themselves not only from pregnancy but also diseases which way worst than pregnancy.

as a parent,i can only tell them so and so but will they always listen?.....that another topic altogether.

i can be creative and believe me i am but i believe in honesty,trust and respect.
i expect honesty from my kids to tell me the truth if i ask
they expect me to trust them explicitly and them to act accordingly
we have mutual respect among our family that they will not betray us parents and us not betray their confidences and privacy.