Way to be out from Homosexuality (Exclusive for Men and people with same life goal)

[justin_david]

Yes, dahil nag-eevaluate ako sa aking sarili sa emosyon na aking ipinapakita pag ganito ang sitwasyon at pag ganyan. Sanayan nalang ng tamong emosyon sa tamang sitwasyon at magiging character na yan pagdevelop ng identity. Kasali na diyan ang pag-open mo sa sarili mo na icorrect ka, ang pagbawi sa hindi mo nadaanan nung bata ka pa kagaya ng pakikipaghalubilo sa grupo ng mga lalaki. Ganyan din naman yung nangyari sa kakilala kung tomboy noon, babae na siya ngayon hindi lang sa kilos kundi sa kanyang mga interes at higit sa lahat mga babae na rin ang kaibigan niya. Psychologist na mismo ang nagsabi na kayang magbago ang isang bakla kung pahihintulutan lang niya ito. Ang karamihan kasi ng mga bakla ay ayaw nilang bumitaw sa kanilang mga defense system para macorrect, mawala ang barrier/gap ng pakikipagsalamuha sa kapwa lalaki.

[toby21]

^ You know what, I have had gf before. I have my all straight guy friends hanging out with them like just a normal straight guy. I know when we take a shower together, yes nalilibog ako sa kanila with their packing but hanggang dun lang yun and i never lied to myself na nalilibog din naman ako sa kanila. And yes it makes me gay. But it sure doesn't make me a bad person.

Yes you can act straight but you can't deny your homosexuality. Homosexuality is not a disease that needs to be cured to begin with. What makes a person sinful is his actions.

If you can't even accept who you are and everyday your'e being too technical trying to follow that formula to become a bona fide straight guy, then you'll only end up missing a lot in life and end up living a short life. Get what i mean?

Again what makes a person wrong is his doings and not his sexual orientation/preference.

[justin_david]

Yan po ang desisyon niyo. Iba-iba naman po tayo, alam kong sarili ko at ayaw ko ng maglihim kaya humingi na ako ng tulong sa mga taong mapagkakatiwalaan. Diyan po kayo masaya ay wala pong problema dahil desisyon niyo naman yan.

[justin_david]

Hindi naman po formula ang focus ko kundi experience po ng belongingness na pareho lang tayo at walang pagkakaiba para madevelop po ang aking identity. Hindi ko naman dinedeny pero inacknowledge ko na nag-exist ito na pakiramdam at kailangan ko ng tulong para maiba ang pakiramdam na ito. Yun po ang aking ginawa at hindi ko pinapakain ang masamang emosyon na yan para kalaunan ay maging parte nalang yan ng aking history. Masarap ang pakiramdam ko ngayon na ako ay ako talaga at nakikinig ng love songs at ang babaeng pinapangarap ko ang nasa isip ko.

[justin_david]

By God's grace, ay hindi ako nakamasturbate ngayon since last week Tuesday na lumipat ako dito sa bhouse na kasama ang mga mature na lalaki. Pero yun nga lang ay kailangan ko pang iexpose ang aking sarili sa maraming klase ng kapwa lalaki para mawala na yung bias ko sa kanila at ng matuto akong makipaghalubilo sa iba-ibang klaseng pag-uugali at willing naman ako. Kanina nga yung mga may pagkabarumbado sa simbahan ay gusto akong ikamay yung pang-astig na lalaki, na psycho ko na gusto nila akong iencourage pero nagkamali na naman ako dahil sa halip na kamayan ko ay inutusan ko kaagad bumili ng softdrinks. Yun na sana ang isa sa mga paraan para makadevelop ng sense of acceptance at belongingness. Pero ok lang, may pagkakataon pa. Alam nila na may mali sa aking pagkalalaki lalo na mas matanda ako sa kanila pero alam din nilang gusto kong sumabay sa kanila at hindi ako masyadong nakikipagbond sa mga babae. Tip ko sa mga gustong mawala ang SSA, makipagkaibigan sa tropang lalaki at iwas muna sa babae para makadama ka ng security at isa ka sa kanila. Pag may nakita kang mature na kaibigan, yung tipong kuya sa pag dedesisyon, don mo sabihin ang iyong problema at ano ang gusto mong mangyari. Eg. Sa akin, sinabi ko na namolestiya ako ng bakla nong bata pa ako na akala ko yon ang tamang emosyon sa kapwa lalaki, nakakaramdam ako ng libog sa kapwa lalaki at naiilang ako lalo na pag grupo na pero sinabi ko sa kanya na nawawala yung SSA sa akin pag-nadama ko na belong ako sa group na ito at gusto ko madevelop ang pakiramdam na iyon para ang libog ko ay mapunta sa babae sa tamang panahon. Kailangan talagang may gagawin tayong pilyong bagay kasama sila kasi lahat ng lalaki ay dumaan sa ganyang experience na hindi natin naranasan. Kung nasa simbahan naman kayo, kunin ang approval ng isang father-figure o kuya dahil pagnasabihan kayo niyan ng brad at ano pang mataas na pagtawag sa kapwa lalaki ay nakakatulong siyang madevelop ang inyong confidence at identity. Iwas muna sa babae mapa sa simbahan o trabaho man. Idevelop niyo ang comfort sa pakikihalubilo sa kapwa lalaki at unti-unti kayong mababago. Hinggil naman sa boses, ay mag-isip na kung sino ang gagayahin niyo na lalaki na gusto niyong ganyan boses niyo. Kaya pala di ko makuha noon na maging mature na lalaki ang boses kasi wala akong ginagaya, pero ngayon ay nadedevelop na siya at pagkumakanta ako ay gusto kung boses ay yung tulad ng mga band members ng A1 o Westlife. Huwag na din po munang makinig ng mga kantang pambabae ang emosyon, maganda po mga boybands pakinggan niyo at Christian songs na panlalaki. Sa paglalakad naman at pagkilos ay observe niyo po kung paano sila kumilos at yon po gayahin niyo kung asan kayo comfortable. Hinahanap ko pa yung signature ng kilos ko. Baka magpaturo na ako nito sa kaibigan ko kasi pambata yung paglalakad ko halatang mali sa edad ko.

[justin_david]

Napansin ko rin kanina habang nagpapahinga ako ay nakaramdam ako ng libog sa babae, mga 20% siguro.

[toby21]

Speaking of hypocrites.

I know there's nothing holly in hating and so I would always pray for their enlightenment.

[Crestfall_Rage]

The simple answer is: There's a way out of homosexuality but it's not going to be easy.

Hindi ako naniniwalang in born ang pagiging bakla. Suportado 'to ng scientific research.

Check out: NARTH http://narth.com/

National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality

NARTH provides psychological understanding of the cause, treatment and behavior patterns associated with homosexuality. It respects the right of all individuals to choose their own destiny.

NARTH is a professional, scientific organization that offers hope to those who struggle with unwanted homosexuality. As an organization, we disseminate educational information, conduct and collect scientific research, promote effective therapeutic treatment, and provide referrals to those who seek our assistance.

NARTH upholds the rights of individuals with unwanted homosexual attraction to receive effective psychological care and the right of professionals to offer that care

Paano ko nasabi? Kasi may free will tayo more than anything else. Puwedeng magbago, kung tlaga determinado ka.

But there's a catch. Kailangang mong tanggapin na puwedeng lifetime ang battle or struggle for homosexuality. Parang pendulum lang. Minsan mas vulnerable ka. Other times sobrang absent naman ng homosexual tendencies mo. Eventually, mawawala din siya. Marami ng nakaranas ng pagbabago ayaw lang ng karamihan lumabas siguro masaya na sila.

Kailangang ihanda mo rin ang sarili mo sa katotohanang hindi mapupunuaan ng mga lalakeng tropa mo, ang kailangang mong acceptance and sense of belonging. There will come a time, that it will fade. You must have the courage to bring about this affirmation na ikaw pa rin ang gagaw ng desisyon sa patuloy na pagbabago. It's a hell of a challenge with so many phases and relapse. Be grounded until you reach the "Point of No Return Stage" dun mas mejo madali na ang laban...

Dahil mahilig kang magbasa and mag reasearch TS, I recommend you read "The Battle For Normality (A Guide for Self Therapy for Homesexuality)" by DR Gerard J M van den Aardweg

Check out: http://www.ignatius.com/Products/BNS...normality.aspx

This book is primarily meant for those homosexuality afflicted persons who seek practical advice in order to change, or, at least, to constructively and responsibly deal with it. It is written with their needs, anxieties, and weaknesses in mind, as Dr. Van den Aardweg has learned them during more than 30 years of therapy with homosexual persons.

There is a need for such a practical "guide" because there are very few able therapists who want to help the well-intentioned homosexual to change, and because most existing works on homosexuality are about theory, not about every-day self-therapy. Theoretical subjects are discussed, too, in so far as they are necessary to be able to fight the homosexual inclination, and to refute certain myths. This is a Christian psychological approach and it offers the best opportunities for change.

Palagay ko makakatulong ang faith sa struggle na 'to, for some people but not for everyone, all of the time. Minsan ikaw lang at ang sarili mo ang magkalaban labas dun kung anumang faith meron ka.

I think you're off to a good start strengthening your relationships with other guys. Relational problem ang homosexuality. That's all it is.

Payo lang, hindi mo kailangang sabihin sa lahat ng guys na makikilala mo na you're gay and trying to change. Just have a normal interaction with them. Then share your story with a few intimate group.

Best of luck.

PM me should you need more information/ explanation. You have so much help around you pare!

[Crestfall_Rage]

^ You know what, I have had gf before. I have my all straight guy friends hanging out with them like just a normal straight guy. I know when we take a shower together, yes nalilibog ako sa kanila with their packing but hanggang dun lang yun and i never lied to myself na nalilibog din naman ako sa kanila. And yes it makes me gay. But it sure doesn't make me a bad person.

Yes you can act straight but you can't deny your homosexuality. Homosexuality is not a disease that needs to be cured to begin with. What makes a person sinful is his actions.

If you can't even accept who you are and everyday your'e being too technical trying to follow that formula to become a bona fide straight guy, then you'll only end up missing a lot in life and end up living a short life. Get what i mean?

Again what makes a person wrong is his doings and not his sexual orientation/preference.

Hindi naman sukatan ang pagkaka roon ng gf sa pagiging lalake.

Yung 'thoughts' mo sa mga tropang lalake mo shouldn't make you feel that you are gay and a bad person. So long as it does not translate into actions and you don't explore which will make things more confusing. May free will naman tayo.

Kapag hinayaan mo yang feeling of being different mo to get the best of you, magiging gay ka talaga.

You shouldn't label yourself 'early on'

Misconception yan na by not accepting who you are, you're in denial of your homosexuality.

Just because you have homosexual tendencies magiging gay ka na. It can lead to that, yeah. Pero nasa sayo ang desisyon.

Life is not about you're losing a lot by struggling with your homosexual tendencies. Homosexual lifestyle is so bad it would make you sick you were even born. Kaya you have a choice. Pero kung happy gay ka sa ngayon di mo tlaga i eexplore yung pagbabgo ng sexual orientation preference mo which I respect.

The real tragedy is, not being able to exercise your 'free will' just because the society wants you to buy "you're born gay".

[popolokroi]

"you're born gay"

so what!? as long as wala kang tinatapakang tao at di ka salot sa lipunan or sinuman..

struggle talaga *** term?makapagpasya kasi kayo na mali ang LGBT eh minsan nga mas may kabuluhan pa ang existence nila kesa ibang taong straight..

kung gusto ni TS maging straight, so be it..ayusin niya sarili niya and kapag successful siya edi congrats..tapos..

dafuq!?!

[PrettyCool_Dude]

Wow! Dami kong natututunan dito a. Nagresearch lang ako with regards to my daughter's homosexual tendency and I'm being opened up to a whole new different kind of world. Haha! At talagang may nag-aaway pa yata ha.

I just don't understand each one's perception of 'homosexuality'. Siguro iyon ang dahilan kung bakit hindi kayo nagkakaintindihan. Isn't it just referring to the sexual practice and not the behavior in general? Kasi ako, marami akong kilalang mga effeminate pero hindi sila mga bakla. At mayroon din akong mga kilalang machong-macho pero mga paminta pala. So, para ma settle ko sa sarili ko ang confusion regarding the definition of homosexuality, I simply confined it to the sexual practice. Therefore, hindi ko masasabing bakla kapag hindi naman pumapatol sa kapwa lalaki, or tomboy kapag hindi naman pumapatol sa kapwa babae, regardless kung effeminate or masculine ang style. Pag pumapatol naman on both gender, bisexual iyon, tama ba ako? Well, that's just my own arrangement ha.

Kay TS naman, with this definition of mine therefore, hindi ko sya maituring na bakla. May identity crisis sya, oo, but it's a natural process on everyone's life. Pwedeng masettle nya iyon early in life, or tumagal iyon for a lifetime. In TS's case for example, medyo complicated ang identity crisis nya kasi may disconcordance ang kanyang sexual identity from his sexual preference, but that doesn't say he's homosexual, until he choses to be one. Palagay ko, hindi maiintindihan ng iba diyan ang ganitong notion.

Therefore, with that arranged definition of my own, masasabi kong masama ang maging bakla - but take note that that refers only to those that does the sexual practice, as I don't consider bakla those that only practices hetero-sex, whether they're effeminate or not. Pero linawin ko lang, ayaw kong husgahan ang lahat ng mga bakla. Case-to-case basis pa rin siguro yun. Only God has the right to judge them.

[Crestfall_Rage]

"you're born gay"

so what!? as long as wala kang tinatapakang tao at di ka salot sa lipunan or sinuman..

struggle talaga *** term?makapagpasya kasi kayo na mali ang LGBT eh minsan nga mas may kabuluhan pa ang existence nila kesa ibang taong straight..

kung gusto ni TS maging straight, so be it..ayusin niya sarili niya and kapag successful siya edi congrats..tapos..

dafuq!?!

Hindi nga fact na "you're born gay" (no scientific basis) pero eto ang paboritong tema ng mga taong nag desisyon na maging gay. Kanya - kanyang opinyon naman yan pero di ibig sabihin fact na *** pinaniniwalaan natin.

Struggle *** term kapag dating gay ka, or your you have homosexual tendencies ka pero ayaw mong yakapin *** gay identity. Hindi naman kasi lahat ng may homosexual tendencies pinipiling maging gay.

Mali ba ang LGBT? again kanya kayang paniniwala yan. Pero di ibig sabihin na porket hindi ka pabor sa LGBT against ka na sa kanilang lahat.

The title suggest na puwedeng may iba pang dating homosexual na gusto pang magbago pero walang support sa society. Karamihan kasi ngayon imbes na i guide ka sasabihin pa sa'yo oks lang naman na maging homosexual ka.

So yung thread na to para sa mga gustong magbago. Kung pinili mo ng maging gay. Desisyon mo yan e.

Wow! Dami kong natututunan dito a. Nagresearch lang ako with regards to my daughter's homosexual tendency and I'm being opened up to a whole new different kind of world. Haha! At talagang may nag-aaway pa yata ha.

I just don't understand each one's perception of 'homosexuality'. Siguro iyon ang dahilan kung bakit hindi kayo nagkakaintindihan. Isn't it just referring to the sexual practice and not the behavior in general? Kasi ako, marami akong kilalang mga effeminate pero hindi sila mga bakla. At mayroon din akong mga kilalang machong-macho pero mga paminta pala. So, para ma settle ko sa sarili ko ang confusion regarding the definition of homosexuality, I simply confined it to the sexual practice. Therefore, hindi ko masasabing bakla kapag hindi naman pumapatol sa kapwa lalaki, or tomboy kapag hindi naman pumapatol sa kapwa babae, regardless kung effeminate or masculine ang style. Pag pumapatol naman on both gender, bisexual iyon, tama ba ako? Well, that's just my own arrangement ha.

Kay TS naman, with this definition of mine therefore, hindi ko sya maituring na bakla. May identity crisis sya, oo, but it's a natural process on everyone's life. Pwedeng masettle nya iyon early in life, or tumagal iyon for a lifetime. In TS's case for example, medyo complicated ang identity crisis nya kasi may disconcordance ang kanyang sexual identity from his sexual preference, but that doesn't say he's homosexual, until he choses to be one. Palagay ko, hindi maiintindihan ng iba diyan ang ganitong notion.

Therefore, with that arranged definition of my own, masasabi kong masama ang maging bakla - but take note that that refers only to those that does the sexual practice, as I don't consider bakla those that only practices hetero-sex, whether they're effeminate or not. Pero linawin ko lang, ayaw kong husgahan ang lahat ng mga bakla. Case-to-case basis pa rin siguro yun. Only God has the right to judge them.

I guess yung context ng homosexuality we're discussing is may attraction sa lalake sexual and emotional (regardless kung effeminate or hindi). Saken kasi hindi porket may karansan ka sa lalake automatic na bakla ka na. Pero kung paulit ulit at naging lifestyle na iba na yun. Tama ka I don't consider TS as gay until he choose to.

Regardless, free will pa rin kung gusto ng isang taong maging bakla or magpaka lalake. Personal desisyon kasi yan.

[toby21]

Hindi lang pala hypocrite. Hindi pa nakakaintindi ng inglesh. nice copy pasting!

[PrettyCool_Dude]

I guess yung context ng homosexuality we're discussing is may attraction sa lalake sexual and emotional (regardless kung effeminate or hindi). Saken kasi hindi porket may karansan ka sa lalake automatic na bakla ka na. Pero kung paulit ulit at naging lifestyle na iba na yun. Tama ka I don't consider TS as gay until he choose to.

Yes, what I meant was 'customary homosexual practice' - that would say bakla nga sila.

May naipost ako sa kabilang forum thread regarding the Kinsey Scale... http://www.pinoyexchange.com/forums/...=576186&page=2

Siguro, yung mga straight na pumapatol sa kapwa lalake, Kinsey-1 or Kinsey-2 ang classification nila.

Regarding sa sexual and emotional attraction, sabi nga, everyone is born bisexual. My theory is that everyone has that tendency naman, iba-iba nga lang siguro ang level and concordance. Even though TS feels same-sex attraction but the fact that he doesn't feel good about such feeling, is proof enough for me that he's not gay! I mean I cannot understand why he would feel uncomfortable with that feeling if he likes it, anyway - if he's really a homo. Ewan ko ha, enlighten me here. But I simply think that although TS does have homosexual tendencies, he cannot be qualified as homosexual per se. Pero POV ko lang naman yan- baka may mga bagay pa akong hindi naiintindihan. But if that is so, then pointless na icompare si TS to those who claim that they have been there and have done that, because their so called "male ego" may not be the same as that of TS.

[PrettyCool_Dude]

Napansin ko rin kanina habang nagpapahinga ako ay nakaramdam ako ng libog sa babae, mga 20% siguro.

At talagang may percentage pa ha. Naninibago talaga ako sa mundo mo, tol.

[justin_david]

Ganito yan mga kapatid, ang tendency ko maging bakla ay kapag nakakaramdam ako ng pagkailang sa kapwa ko lalaki dahil pumapasok na naman ang bias sa aking isip na sila ay nambubully at yung nangyari sa akin nung bata pa ako dahil sa bakla. Pero kung naiparamdam sa akin na belong ako sa kanila, nagsasubside na yung SSA kaya yan ang goal ko na madevelop ang pakiramdam na belong para lumabas ang identity ko as a man. Sa edad ko ngayon ay kailangan ko ng intimacy sa babae kaya lang hindi pa develop yung libog ko sa kanila kaya delay talaga ang development ng aking identity.

[justin_david]

Ganito rin yan, pagtinaggap mong bakla ka na, ibig sabihin ay pagyakap, pagtanggap sa masamang emosyon na gusto mong makipagtalik sa kapwa lalaki. Tandaan natin na ang sex ay isang pangangailangan mapalalaki man o babae lalo na pagnag middle age ka na. Kaya lang dahil iba ang pagtingin mo sa sarili sa same sex mo, ay naattract ka sa kanila kaya malaki talaga ang tsantsa na mabigo ka sa aspetong ito lalo na tayong mga lalaki (regardless sa orientation ay aggressive at malibog dahil sa testosterone). Kaya ang tanging paraan ay maitama ito at hindi magpang-abot ang libog+libog sa pamamagitan ng padevelop ng identity na lalaki ka.

[justin_david]

Root Causes, Homosexual Consequences

- Survey on Root Causes -

They say opposites attract.

That maxim, in the very simplest of terms, explains much about our former homosexual condition and how we were able to uncover the underlying problems creating it.

As long as we felt that men were the opposite from us, while we identified with women as our sisters, we remained attracted to our opposite -- the mysterious, unknown masculine. To us, it often felt like men were the opposite sex, so being sexually attracted to them felt natural. Initially, at least, we didn't feel homosexual so much as we felt genderless and, lacking sufficient maleness within ourselves, attracted to that which we felt would make us feel masculine and whole.

Every man has a masculine drive. In our case, that drive inadvertently became sexualized. But we also found it could become desexualized as we fulfilled that masculine drive in more emotionally grounded ways.

We discovered the path to healing as we came to understand that, at least in our case, our homosexual feelings were not the problem but were actually symptoms of deeper, underlying problems and long-buried pain that usually had little or nothing to do with erotic desire. Rather, they had to do with our self-identity, self-esteem (especially our "gender esteem"), relationships and spiritual life. Once we discovered and healed the underlying pain, the symptoms of homosexuality began to take care of themselves.

[justin_david]

Survey on Root Causes

In 2004, People Can Change surveyed the members of its online support groups to determine what they perceived to have been the most significant causes of their developing homosexual feelings in their own lives. We asked about 25 possible factors -- everything from biology to personal choice. More than 200 men responded.

(Keep in mind that this is not a survey of the beliefs of the general "gay" population -- those who have accepted a gay identity and are happy in that life. Rather, it is a survey of the beliefs of those who are seeking to overcome or minimize homosexual desires. Gays may or may not answer these questions differently.)

Father-son relationship problems: In the survey, 97% said problems in the father-son relationship while they were growing up contributed to their developing same-sex attractions (SSA) -- and men usually identified it as one of the three most significant factors. (See especially page 6 of the survey.)

It seems very rare for a man who struggles with homosexuality to feel that he was sufficiently loved, affirmed and mentored by his father growing up, or that he identified with his father as a male role model. Oftentimes the father-son relationship is marked by either actual or perceived abandonment, extended absence, hostility or disinterest (a form of abandonment).

Like all human experience, this is not universal, and sometimes the father-son relationship doesn't seem to have been a problem. Rather, the relationship with brothers or male peers or male abusers may have created deep wounding. Whatever the source of the estrangement, it is a common experience for many of us to have felt a deep longing to be held, to be loved by a father figure, to be mentored into the world of men and to have our masculine natures affirmed by other men.

Conflict with male peers: The same percentage of men who said father-son problems contributed to their SSA -- 97% -- also said problems in their male-peer relationships contributed. And half said it was one of the "top three" factors. (See especially page 7 of the survey.)

Somehow, even as boys or young teenagers, we felt like we were never "man enough." We felt like we didn't live up to the masculine ideal. We saw ourselves as too fat or too skinny, too short or too awkward, not athletic enough or tough or strong or good-looking enough -- or whatever other qualities we admired in other males but judged to be lacking in ourselves. It was more than low self-esteem, it was low gender esteem -- a deficiency in our core sense of gender upon which our whole self image is built. Other males just seemed naturally masculine, but masculinity never came naturally to us. We aspired to it but were mystified by how to achieve it. Among other males, we felt different and lonely.

Feeling deficient as males, we pined to be accepted and affirmed by others, especially those whose masculinity we admired most. We began to idolize the qualities in other males that we judged to be lacking in ourselves. Idolizing them widened the gulf we imagined between ourselves and so-called "real men." In idolizing them, we increased our sense of our own masculine deficiency.

At the same time that we idolized certain male traits or maleness generally, many of us came to fear other boys and men. Born with unusually sensitive and gentle personalities, we found it was easy for many of us to feel different from and rejected by our more rough-and-tumble peers growing up. We came to fear their taunts and felt like we could never belong. Many of us feared the sports field and felt like we could never compete. Many of us felt rejected by our fathers and feared that we could never measure up or would never really matter to them.

So where did this leave us, as males ourselves? It left us in a Neverland of gender confusion, not fully masculine but not really feminine either. We had disassociated not just from individual men we feared would hurt us, but from the entire heterosexual male world. Some of us even detached from our very masculinity as something shameful and inferior.

Mother-son relationships (and the "smothering mother" syndrome): Nine out of 10 survey respondents said aspects of their relationships with their mothers contributed to their SSA. (See especially page 8 of the survey.)

Even as we perceived our fathers as abandoning, ignoring or being hostile toward us, it was a common experience for us to over-identify with or become overly dependent on our mothers. Oftentimes, we never fully cut the "apron strings" that attached our identity to hers. Mom often became our confidant and mentor instead of Dad. But Mom could never show us how to act and think like a man. So it was common for us to view maleness from a woman's perspective instead of a man's. We inadvertently adopted a woman's view of the world. The gulf between us and the world of men was widened and reinforced.

Feeling alienated from the male world, we often found comfort in female companionship. Some of us labeled women and femininity as superior to men and masculinity because we perceived females as more sensitive, accepting and loving. They felt "safer" to be with and to expose our painful emotions to. Instead of ridiculing our sensitive natures, they appreciated them. They didn't expect us to prove we were "man enough," even while we were still just boys. Many of us learned to identify with women and girls as our sisters, our buddies and, inadvertently, even our role models. Our sense of girls as the "same sex" and boys as the "opposite" sex was reinforced.

Sexual abuse: 48% of respondents said that, as children or youth, they had been sexually abused by an older or more powerful person. Usually it was by a male, and in those cases, 96% considered the abuse to have contributed to their developing SSA feelings. (See especially pages 8 and 9 of the survey.)

Other sexual experiences: 93% said they had had other sexual experiences -- including pornography, sexual fantasy and sex play with other boys -- as children or youth, and of those who did, 93% said they believed these experiences contributed to their SSA feelings. (See especially page 9 of the survey.)

Personality traits: 87% said they believed their personality traits were a contributing factor. (See especially page 10 of the survey.)

A great many of us were born with or developed an innate sensitivity and emotional intensity that we learned could be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, our sensitivity caused us to be more loving, gentle, kind and oftentimes spiritually inclined than average.

On the other hand, these were some of the very traits that caused our more rough-and-tumble male peers to taunt us, girls to welcome us into their inner circles, moms to hold onto us more protectively, and dads to distance themselves from us. Perhaps even more problematic, it created within us a thin-skinned susceptibility to feeling hurt and rejected, thus magnifying many times over whatever actual rejection and offense we might have received at the hands of others. Our perception became our reality.

Homosexual Consequences

These and other hurts were oftentimes the problems buried below the surface. Complex, interwoven and painful, they drove us to homosexual relationships in an attempt to find healing. But we found that, for us, acting on these homosexual desires actually worsened rather than lessened the underlying problems. Homosexuality, for us, wasn't the solution; it was an escape from solving the real problems that had caused the symptoms to begin with.

Time alone could never really heal these kinds of deep wounds without our going back to face them, acknowledge them, grieve them, release our legitimate anger over them, take steps to repair the damage they had caused us (to the extent we could), and finally, to forgive and move on.

[justin_david]

Hindi po ako naniwala na ipinanganak na ang isang tao na maging bakla. Nasa growth and development po yan kaya nagkakamali ang isang tao ng pagdevelop sa kanyang identity. Yung kaibigan ko nung high school, alam ko na naging bakla siya dahil di siya minsan nakaranas ng isang father figure kasi namatay yung tatay niya nong musmos pa siya at dahil napalapit sa babae ay di na siya nakaattempt na makihalubilo sa mga kapwa lalaki nong mag preschool siya na very crucial ang identity (sense of belongingness) development. Yung mga pedophiles, may explaination po ang psychology niyan. Di ko po sigurado kung tama ang pagrecall ko pero ang rason po na nang-aabuso ang isang tao sa bata ay gusto niyang ipakita na superior siya sa iba na hindi niya magawa sa kasing-edad niya kasi di naman talaga siya superior. Ang root cause po nito ay maaring trauma din na nabully siya na mahina, lampa at kung anu-ano pa nakakapagbaba ng kanyang self-esteem at gusto niyang maramdaman ang ganitong pakiramdam at madalim po itong gawin sa isang bata. Yung sa bestiality po ay di rin ako sigurado pero baka po wala pong makita ang isang lalaki na makapagbibigay sa kanya ng sense of pleasure kagaya nga ng nasa mga nayon na baka walang maganda at sexy na babae kaya sa hayop po ito napunta. Ang root cause nito ay maaring dissatisfaction sa sexual life. No idea po ako sa necrophiles pero ito lang po masasabi ko, sa lahat ng mga bagay na ganyan, pag ang lalaki po ay tinamaan ng libog at wala siyang tamang background sa kung ano ang tama ay makagagawa po talaga siya ng mali.