Iv been depressed for a month now.
Iv been in a relationship for more than 4 years now.
I knew him since 4th year high school, nanging kami din before for a year and broke up and after 4 years nagkita kami after ko grumaduate ng college. after college naging kami ulit, until now. so i knew him for almost 10 years.
heres my story:
we were super inlove, like we build our world na kami lang, masaya kami na even without going out with friends okay lang samin. He wants me to text him like every minute, he wants me to baby him. ganyan ang buhay namin for the bast four years, kuntento kami na kami lang masaya na. We got engaged, but we cant get married, because my older sister need to get married first. so its okay i know i kept him waiting, but i never changed, i loved him everyday gave him everything. then his work came first now, hes a chef and i know madalas overtime. I understan. But time came na he forgets about me, his reasons was because hes too tired, hes too busy. Still i understand. I know there comes the point na mag tatampo ako and i want him to comfort me. so it became less. Less going out, less talking to the phone, less text. almost every week we fought, my reason is "all im asking is just a text from you" malaman ko lang na nasa work na sya and nakauwi na sya. simple lang ang hinihingi ko. but he cant do it. because of work. too busy, too tired. always nasa away namin dalawa yun.
But, this past few weeks i can feel he has fallen out of love of me. we fought more, said hurtful things. I always end up nagmamakaawa for his time.
I so love him, and i cant lose him. whenever i ask him if he still love me he said yes. Many times i asked him if he wants us to move on with our lives, breakup pero ayaw nya. My love for him is so strong that all that came out in my mouth was I Cant live without him. I really cant. then theres this point he told me that i really need to love myself first because all i do is love him. Is that wrong? I never asked anything from him, all i ask is just a simple text "nasa work na ako babe" and "baby im home" 2 things lang. and hes point he doesnt know how to give it to me.
I got really desperate of this, i dont eat, i cry every night. I dont even know what to do.
we try to fix it. He told me he loves me, and he knows how much i love him. But his words i dont understand. He told me we take everything one at a time. yes i understand. I asked him what do you want me to do? and he said "i dont know." its so frustrating knowing that you wana fix things out but you dont know how to.
His overtime became more overtime. I waited kahit 4 am i wait just to know hes home. pero he doesnt care. he doesnt even text be "baby sleep ka na, i will just call you nalang when i get home" words i wana hear from him.
so i asked him, do you still want to be with me, and he said yes. he still loves me and he still wants to marry me. I love him so much. it never changed.
but my heart hurts, i feel dizzy every time he doesnt text me, every time nakakalimutan nya ako. i tried to just do whatever he wants me to do. just wait for him. wait if he will text me and wait if he will call me.
point comes, i got really mad. that i dont understand anymore, he complains about his overtime, so i told him why do it?
Sometimes i think he wants to spend his time sa work nya. sometimes i get jealous because his workmates are spending time with him. Then it comes to a point na i asked him if theres a third party. But he said "wala babe, ikaw lang ang mahal ko"
how can he say he love me but he doesnt even comforts me when im sad. I dont know what to do.
we were okay for a week then last night we had a dinner, after he told me to meet his workmates and he will be back on 12 midnight cause we will talk, he txted me "babe ill be late, ill call you nalang later" so i feel asleep. about 3:30 am i got no messages from him.
i got really worried, i thought something bad happened to him. so i called and called and called. trying to find a way to find him. hes not answering. i was about to go out and search for him. then after many calls he txt me "enough!"
i was? what? "enough? i got worried thinking something happened to you and you dont answer my call. he got mad and he said "ayan na naman ako, iniisip ko baka my iba sya" so i told him "all im worried if your okay" and his reply was "relax ka lang" the F. all i did was care, and care to the point i told myself "ur breaking my heart" so i stopped calling. and he txted me "i love you"
i did not reply, i just cried and fall asleep crying.
early today he textd me "Baby sa work na ako, sorry about last night, I love you"
i dont know what to reply,i wanted to say im sorry if im like that. sorry again if i made you feel nasasakal. but im scared.
im scared to text him..
please help me.
i dont want to lose him, i love him so much