Guys, what advice can you give me regarding this?

[kscaps]

Guys, what advice can you give me regarding this?

http://bluesky072691.tumblr.com/page/2#23293483373

All advice are welcome, but please no bashing, flaming or any offensive and/or malicious posts. I just wanna know what can I do in order to achieve this. Thank you in advance.

[gooseberry]

Sorry, I don't click onto links posted.

[noitanigami]

at this point in time, i think it will be very hard to have a best bud. based on experience, i only have 1 male bestfriend. we started as seatmates in grade 1. went to the same high school. went to the same university though different branches. we don't regard ourselves as best friends but in our hearts we are. we give gifts to each other and talk once in a while. you know what i mean? like it starts during childhood. xD

[kscaps]

@ Gooseberry: sorry, I know that there are a lot of posts similar to this that just leads to spam. Anyway, I'll repost my blog entry here.

Having a guy best friend

I’ve encountered this blog entry about a guy who wished while he was growing up that he had a guy best friend, and after reading it, I realized that I was in a similar situation as he is.

This is the link to his blog entry: http://thefireflyjar.wordpress.com/2...07/confession/

Just like him, I never had a guy best friend growing up. I’d always wished that I had that kind of best friend. The guy who is one of the most popular in class, which everyone would be dying to be his friend. The guy who would appreciate my interests as I appreciate his. The guy who is so close that he is like a brother to me.

I’d always wished that I had someone like him, someone who will always be there for you. Somebody who is not afraid of what others would say. Somebody who will make sure that you’re okay. Someone who will stand by your side at all times.

We would create the weirdest things that will make us laugh. We would bond together, whether at the mall shopping, watching a movie, eating at our fave restaurant. We would play jokes on each other, sometimes green, sometimes naughty, sometimes private that only the two of us could understand. We would always say to each other ‘How’s it going, bro’ , ‘What’s up, bro’ , ‘Take care always, bro’. We would call each other bro, and be proud of being the best bro that each of us had.

We would keep in touch with each other even if we grow up and have our own wives and children. We would enjoy ourselves over pizza, burgers and beer. We would go on road trips together, maybe to Baguio, Tagaytay, Subic, La Union or Batangas, and I mean just the two of us. We would go clubbing either at Eastwood or the Fort and party all night. We would spend long hours just chatting online or better, talking on the phone. We would take dozens of photos of each other, enjoying each other’s company.

But most of all, we would be having this conversation:

Me: Are we best friends?

Bestfriend: Yeah.

Me: So, best friends forever?

Bestfriend: Yeah, best friends forever.

Sadly, I’d never get to experience this growing up. It’s not easy making friends if you’re an introvert. People will find you hard to understand. And worse, if you try to be too close to a guy friend, people would usually dismiss it as being ‘gay’ as well as that friend, but I know that I just want to be close to him like a brother. Nothing more. However, I can still make it work. It won’t be easy, but still, it’s better that not having one at all.

Pardon me for some of my guy friends for trying to be close to you all of the sudden, since I just want to make sure if you’re the one I’ve been looking for all my life. I learned from a friend that I can’t simply declare a friend a best friend, since she told me that making a best friend simply happens, especially that she has first hand experience of having best friends, which I sometimes envy her (sorry dear), but still, I can learn a lot from her.

But for now, I still wish that I will find him, and I will make sure that our friendship will last forever. Just like those guys in buddy films.

[freshbabe]

OMG i just missed my "bruha soul sis"... after reading that, memories flash back.. and i'm about to lose her -she's bound for abroad (she's getting hitched). She's way younger than me as well & "yes"-bestfriends just happen. She's EVEN someone I never expected to get close with. WE ARE OPPOSITES. I'm kind of introvert & she's SO EXTRO. It's been a rollercoaster of friendship- 4years. I wish I can still count more than that.

[tahann]

I think your expectations of a straight male buddy is too much! The way you describe the bond is too intense. Not a lot of guys can handle that kind of intense attachment especially on a friendly level.

I think you have to re-imagine what your male bff be like to make him more real, giving you a higher chance of actually finding him.


Curious questions for the TS.

1. How would you describe your other friends? Is it possible for them to be one of your bff? If not, why?

2. Why can't you imagine to have a female bff?


Suggestion, have you considered entering the military? The male friendship developed there, I think, is strong because of the life-threatening experiences they have to share.

[kscaps]

I think your expectations of a straight male buddy is too much! The way you describe the bond is too intense. Not a lot of guys can handle that kind of intense attachment especially on a friendly level.

I think you have to re-imagine what your male bff be like to make him more real, giving you a higher chance of actually finding him.


Curious questions for the TS.

1. How would you describe your other friends? Is it possible for them to be one of your bff? If not, why?

2. Why can't you imagine to have a female bff?


Suggestion, have you considered entering the military? The male friendship developed there, I think, is strong because of the life-threatening experiences they have to share.

Oh, is that what you think? I'm sorry, but maybe it is because I never had one growing up. I may be a fool for letting this go for too long, so I may be expecting too much from 'him'.

As for your questions, I don't have too many friends. Most of my college friends are women, since I took up interior design, and the guy friends I have in college, it seem that I don't have that 'connection' that I would want to have in a bff, since we only have so little in common. When I try to make guy friends, most of the time, it's either we have little in common, they belong to a larger group of friends (btw, I'm introverted, so I prefer something more intimate most of the times), or are too busy with their other things.

For you second question, I dunno how to answer that, but for some reason I want to have a male bff more, a male buddy that I can be close with, and for me (no offense), I may not imagine something like that with a girl, especially that if I do, I may fall for her in the end and risk compromising our friendship.

For your suggestion, sorry, I am not fit (physically and mentally) to be in the military, though it may sound like a good idea, but I don't want to go there solely for that reason.

I hope that I'm not too late to find that guy.

[tahann]

You've mentioned "connections". We all know that it has to start with having something in common.

A lot of guys are into sports. You mentioned you're not physically fit for the military. How about sports? A team sport maybe. Or if you prefer individual sport (being an introvert), I suggest martial arts. Stay away from running.

The question is, are you willing to engage in those activities?

If not, what kind of activities would you like to be the starting point of a developing bff?

You said you want a

... guy who is one of the most popular in class, which everyone would be dying to be his friend.

Chances are, this person will have a larger group of friends. Can you deal with that? I think you can't so you really have to re-think the qualities of the guy you're looking for.

Or maybe you like a rebel type of guy (cool but not too many friends) and you'll be his sidekick. Do you like being the sidekick?

[kscaps]

A lot of guys are into sports. You mentioned you're not physically fit for the military. How about sports? A team sport maybe. Or if you prefer individual sport (being an introvert), I suggest martial arts. Stay away from running.

The question is, are you willing to engage in those activities?

If not, what kind of activities would you like to be the starting point of a developing bff?

I'm not a sporty person, and I'm more of the usual activities, like listening to music, eating out, going to the mall, etc....

Or maybe you like a rebel type of guy (cool but not too many friends) and you'll be his sidekick. Do you like being the sidekick?

Hmm, maybe this is what I'm sort of picturing in my mind, though I am okay with me being a sidekick, but sometimes, I wanna take the lead, but if this is what he wants, then it's alright with me.

[tahann]

How do you expect to build strong bonds with those activities? I'm assuming you're not an expert in any of those, so how much can you talk about it?

I noticed that you didn't mention that you need your friend to accompany you in your panliligaw. Why is that? Does that mean you're already good at panliligaw so you won't be needing his assistance?



Anyways, they say that for a dream to come true, you should be able to visualize it vividly. Let's try to imagine this friends your thinking of.

How does he look like physically? Does he need to look as good as you or better? Or those guys who are not really aesthetically (based on your standard whatever that is) pleasing will do?

[kscaps]

How do you expect to build strong bonds with those activities? I'm assuming you're not an expert in any of those, so how much can you talk about it?

I dunno. I just don't know where to start. I mean, I don't have as much hobbies as anyone.

I noticed that you didn't mention that you need your friend to accompany you in your panliligaw. Why is that? Does that mean you're already good at panliligaw so you won't be needing his assistance?

That never came into my mind. I just felt that I'm not that ready yet for that stage in life if I can't have a good friend to start with, and I mean that guy that I was looking for.

Anyways, they say that for a dream to come true, you should be able to visualize it vividly. Let's try to imagine this friends your thinking of.

How does he look like physically? Does he need to look as good as you or better? Or those guys who are not really aesthetically (based on your standard whatever that is) pleasing will do?

Well, he can be as good looking as me. Good grooming is ideal. If he has braces like I do, then it would be nice as well. Same height (or a bit taller than I; I'm 5' 6"), and most probably medium built.

[tahann]

So you don't have that much hobby...but your tagline "rockin the awesomeness" caught my attention. What's so awesome about you? Maybe you can capitalize on that to gain a friend.

If this ideal person gets to meet you, what will make him like you as a friend? Honestly, you're sounding like a boring person. No offense. I mean why would anybody want to be around you? (That's not a rhetorical question.)

Also how much are you willing to risk, to change to find/make that ideal friend? I mean, wouldn't you change yourself to be more sociable or likeable?

How old are you? You said you took up <insert course>. Past tense. So you're working already? If yes, did you look in your work place?

[kscaps]

So you don't have that much hobby...but your tagline "rockin the awesomeness" caught my attention. What's so awesome about you? Maybe you can capitalize on that to gain a friend.

Hmm, good point. I just said that because I just want to feel that I'm awesome even in the smallest way. It sounds vague, but I just don't want to feel that I'm worthless.

If this ideal person gets to meet you, what will make him like you as a friend? Honestly, you're sounding like a boring person. No offense. I mean why would anybody want to be around you? (That's not a rhetorical question.)

Also how much are you willing to risk, to change to find/make that ideal friend? I mean, wouldn't you change yourself to be more sociable or likeable?

Really? I never thought of it that way. My current friends like me for who I am. If that's the only way to gain that ideal guy friend, then maybe I suppose that it's time that I do something like this. My friends said to me that I am the most reliable (when it comes to group works and other stuff, and not in a way that they will take advantage of me), but then again, most of them were girls, and not guys.

How old are you? You said you took up <insert course>. Past tense. So you're working already? If yes, did you look in your work place?

I'm 20 going on 21 in two months. I'm a fresh graduate, though I'm not yet working, since I'll be taking up review courses in July for my board exam in October. Once I pass the board exam, then I'll be looking for prospective jobs by November.

[tahann]

My current friends like me for who I am. If that's the only way to gain that ideal guy friend, then maybe I suppose that it's time that I do something like this.

Wouldn't it be nice to be accepted for just who you are? If that always happens in real life, no one would invent fashion, cosmetics and self-help books. The idea that people will and should like you for who you are is myth. They tell you that to make you feel good about yourself. They tell us that so that there will be less people posting in the suicide thread.

You have a background in interior design. What's the point in changing the look and feel of a space? To make it more "likeable" (to the owner), right? If everybody said that we should love the space for what it is, then you won't have job now would you?

Treat yourself as a space. Make yourself more interesting and comfortable to be with. Have you tried those personality development trainings (e.g. John Robert Powers)? Or you may want to try those so-called "life-enriching" seminars/activities (e.g. singles for Christ). Not my cup of tea but I think it's more up your alley.

Oh please, don't make up anymore excuses for not trying something new. If you won't try something new, nothing new will happen. You'll just keep on dreamin'.

[kscaps]

Treat yourself as a space. Make yourself more interesting and comfortable to be with. Have you tried those personality development trainings (e.g. John Robert Powers)? Or you may want to try those so-called "life-enriching" seminars/activities (e.g. singles for Christ). Not my cup of tea but I think it's more up your alley.

Oh please, don't make up anymore excuses for not trying something new. If you won't try something new, nothing new will happen. You'll just keep on dreamin'.

Good point. Maybe it's already time for me to shake it up a bit. Try something new for a change, like you said. Anyway, I'm always interested in trying out new things. Though it may not be easy for me, but since you put those things in that way, you made me realize that all is not lost.

I'll give time to reflect on all of the things that you said. I really do appreciate all of them. I've been trying to break out of the shell for awhile, but it seems that I've been doing it the wrong way.

Thank you again.

[trigger349]

I don't have any advice on what can I do in order to achieve this but I'll give my point of view

Ako rin naman walang best friend ever since guy man o girl but hindi issue sa akin yun kasi naeenjoy ko naman buhay ko with the friends I have now or in the past. And then you talked about how you would do different things together and stuff, but why would you want to limit yourself to one person kung pwede mo naman gawin ang mga yan with different friends? I mean you can have one friend that you would always be comfortable joking around with and another friend na siguro traveller that you can probably make road trips with, etc etc.

Also, I believe hindi darating yung hinahanap mo if you keep on looking for it (parang girlfriend lang! ), darating din yan pero kung hinde, eh di hindi bakit mo pa ipipilit?

[acceberanna]

@ Gooseberry: sorry, I know that there are a lot of posts similar to this that just leads to spam. Anyway, I'll repost my blog entry here.

Having a guy best friend

I’ve encountered this blog entry about a guy who wished while he was growing up that he had a guy best friend, and after reading it, I realized that I was in a similar situation as he is.

This is the link to his blog entry: http://thefireflyjar.wordpress.com/2...07/confession/

Just like him, I never had a guy best friend growing up. I’d always wished that I had that kind of best friend. The guy who is one of the most popular in class, which everyone would be dying to be his friend. The guy who would appreciate my interests as I appreciate his.The guy who is so close that he is like a brother to me.

I’d always wished that I had someone like him, someone who will always be there for you. Somebody who is not afraid of what others would say. Somebody who will make sure that you’re okay. Someone who will stand by your side at all times.

We would create the weirdest things that will make us laugh. We would bond together, whether at the mall shopping, watching a movie, eating at our fave restaurant. We would play jokes on each other, sometimes green, sometimes naughty, sometimes private that only the two of us could understand. We would always say to each other ‘How’s it going, bro’ , ‘What’s up, bro’ , ‘Take care always, bro’. We would call each other bro, and be proud of being the best bro that each of us had.

We would keep in touch with each other even if we grow up and have our own wives and children. We would enjoy ourselves over pizza, burgers and beer. We would go on road trips together, maybe to Baguio, Tagaytay, Subic, La Union or Batangas, and I mean just the two of us. We would go clubbing either at Eastwood or the Fort and party all night. We would spend long hours just chatting online or better, talking on the phone. We would take dozens of photos of each other, enjoying each other’s company.

But most of all, we would be having this conversation:

Me: Are we best friends?

Bestfriend: Yeah.

Me: So, best friends forever?

Bestfriend: Yeah, best friends forever.

Sadly, I’d never get to experience this growing up. It’s not easy making friends if you’re an introvert. People will find you hard to understand. And worse, if you try to be too close to a guy friend, people would usually dismiss it as being ‘gay’ as well as that friend, but I know that I just want to be close to him like a brother. Nothing more. However, I can still make it work. It won’t be easy, but still, it’s better that not having one at all.

Pardon me for some of my guy friends for trying to be close to you all of the sudden, since I just want to make sure if you’re the one I’ve been looking for all my life. I learned from a friend that I can’t simply declare a friend a best friend, since she told me that making a best friend simply happens, especially that she has first hand experience of having best friends, which I sometimes envy her (sorry dear), but still, I can learn a lot from her.

But for now, I still wish that I will find him, and I will make sure that our friendship will last forever. Just like those guys in buddy films.

My opinion...


Kscaps, unang una bakit may standards ka sa paghahanap mo ng bestfriend? bakit kelangan kakainggitan ka ng mga tao dahil bestfriend mo siya? Bakit kelangan pinakasikat? Bakit may mga hinahanap ka na agad sa kanya? Bakit naman? diba bestfriend ang kailangan mo? Wala namang ganyang tao eh. Perfect bestfriend kasi yung hinahanap mo

Ang bestfriend naman kasi di mo yan mapipili. Para bang naglelevel up lang yung friendship nyo. Nadevelop, nasubukan, napatunayan ganyan. Di siya yung biglang nakakilala ka ng "cool"guy eh biglang gusto mo na siyang maging bestfriend. Tsaka posible na may tinuturing ka na palang bestfriend pero di nyo lang tinatawag na bestfriend yung isat isa.

Bakit ka naman maghahanap ng ganyang bestfriend kung may mga friends ka naman na laging anjan for you? Or baka naman di na pala bestfriend ang hanap mo?Malay mo you need a girlfriend pala. kasi ang dami mong hinihiling para sa isang bestfriend. Di nya keri lahat yan . Perokung gusto mo talaga,walang masama siguro bawasan mo lang yung mga hinahanap hanap mo.Wag mong hanapin, mangyayari lang yan slowly.



Sorry parang dirediretso ako kevs ha

[4Wheeler]

No insult intended, but this sounds so gay. Are you sure you're not a closet homosexual? I don't know of any guy who desperately seek a deep relationship with another guy.

Real best friend exists only in literature and films. Don't put them in such high pedestal or you'll be disappointed. When you get sick and need money, do you think your bff will empty out his bank account, mortgage his house to save your life? Do you think he'll donate his kidney to you?

There are friends and there are good friends, but your movie version of bestfriend doesn't exist. That's what a wife/gf are for.

Besides, guys find it weird being friends with needy guys.

[kscaps]

Trigger, anna and 4wheeler,

Thank you for your insights. Siguro na I'm asking for too much. It's just that tulad nga ng sinabi ko, never ako naka-experience ng ganito. I had have guy friends in the past (especially that I come from an all-boys school), pero never na parang nag-level up.

I realized that this is something that's earned through time. Siguro nga I never had the chance to nurture these friendships. There are a lot of reasons behind this, and probably it may be partly my fault, and it may be the reason kung bakit I'm asking for too much agad, or I'm confused if what I really want is a guy best friend or a girlfriend.

I want to make it clear that I'm not gay. That guy friend I'm wishing, I have no intentions of having romantic feelings towards him. Parang gusto ko lang ng male buddy, pero yung relationship that will last for a long time. I have my expectations, and honestly, I dunno where to start since like I said, hindi ko pa nae-experience. It's like every guy I meet and make friends with, hindi masyado name-maintain.

Siguro nga the reason that I'm sort of asking for a 'cool guy best friend' is because noong Grade 6 ako, a 'cool guy' from my class became my seatmate, and I was surprised na gusto niya akong maging friend. Ako naman, I took it too seriously, since nobody like him was actually nice to me. Kaso when I accelerated into High School at siya nag-Grade 7, the friendship somehow fizzled out. It's a longer story, pero to make the story short, he kinda made me feel na ayaw na niya ako maging friend. Hindi na niya ako pinapansin pagnagsalubong kami sa hallway, among others, tapos yung friends niya, inaasar na nila ako about him, and yet he never defended me. I had to defend myself from them. So ganun.

Though it's a whole other discussion about this, I just wanna let you know guys why I'm feeling this way, now na naka-move on na ako from all of this emotions, and now I'm asking for this, especially na I entered a degree program that is female-dominated. Medyo weird nga yung explanation, but that's how I really feel deep inside.

I think that what you guys are telling me is to somehow fix myself in order to gain more friends, and within those friends is probably (and hopefully) a guy who will become my best friend, but the trick is that I dunno who he is and when it will happen, because like you said, it will just happen.