^ Oo na Vina! Ako na
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Dolphy on running for public office: “Madaling tumakbo, eh paano pag nanalo?”
"Ang sarap mong bata ka." - Mang Kanor
•My brother is not a girl; he’s a gentleman.
•That’s why I’m a success, it’s because I don’t middle in other people’s lives.
•Don’t judge my brother; he’s not a book.
•I won’t stoop down to my level.
•Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you dep?
•‘Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha yan.
•Eh, ikaw ba naman, durugin ang ari mo…Pag di ka naman manutok ng baril.
•We are lovers, not fighters.
•Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.
•I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.
•Sumasakit ang migraine ko.
•Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!
•I keep my crown in the voltage.
•Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top?
•I couldn’t care a damn!
•What’s your next class before this?
•Hello, my brother Joey is out of town, would you like to wait?
•Don’t touch me not!
•You! you’re not a boy anymore! You’re a man anymore!
•Bakit ang dami mong tanong? You’re so questionable.
•You can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can fool me thrice. But you can never fool me FOUR!
•Hindi ba kayo naawa sa kapatid ko…sa mga kwento nya? Di ba kayo na-PERSUAVE ng mga kwento niya? Hindi si Joey ang tipong mambubugbog ng babae…talaga lang malapit siya sa mga gulo…PRO-ACCIDENT kasi siya eh.
•Boy Abunda: O Melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong magmo-Mormon ka na? Melanie: Ah okay lang ‘yon Boy, kasi matagal na rin akong SEMI-RETARDED.
•They should talk behind the scene…
•(answering the phone) Hello. Wait a moment. Please hang yourself.
•(before Christmas) Well, I want to spend my holidays with my family most probably out of place.
•Why I will give my calling card, I’m not a call girl. (Her reply to a certain duke when the latter is asking for her calling card.)
•Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat. (During her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award.)
•Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point. (When asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right)
•And the base of my observation is… (showbiz stripped May 14 GMA Ch. 7)
•At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek’s mother (whom she partly blamed for the separation). “Oo nga,” said Melanie, “pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya.” She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, “And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!“
•(When asked for a message to her daughter who was allegedly abused by their houseboy) Don’t worry little angel, big angel is here.
•(On what they should do to the houseboy who molested her daughter) He should be put behind bar.
•(While waiting backstage during a noontime show after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number) Nikki, you’re so galing. You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes!
•(While she’s in Morning Girls With Kris & Korina promoting her movie with Aleck Bovick) Please watch HIRAM starring Aleck Baldwin (referring to Aleck Bovick) and myself. It’s DIRECTOR by Romy Suzara.
•(After giving birth, and an interview on The Buzz) My answers have been prayered!
•(To ex-flame Senator Lito Lapid) Hello…Huwag kang tumahol sa sarili mong bakuran noh! (In response to being misunderstood) You know, huwag kang tumahol like dogs.
ang lalaking gipit sa bading kumakapit- tado
di bale nang magnakaw wag lang mamakla-tado
Melanie Marquez: Ang tatay ko lang ang only living legend, na buhay pa!
Manny Pacquiao on the Hatton fight: Nothing personalan!
Someone asked Imelda Marcos: “Madam, how rich are you?” Imelda: Darling, if you can count it, you’re not rich!
- Sir, I remind you that as the Commissioner of Immigration and Deportation, I represent the majesty of the Republic of the Philippines. You have the obligation to show respect and courtesy to me. Now shut up, or I'll knock your teeth off!
- Congress and the cabinet are talking at cross-purposes. We are trapped in a political Tower of Babel. Our national leaders are accursed by glossolalia, or talking in different tongues.
- I am surrounded by idiots.
- I have seen the future and I don't like it.
- I feel like Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom.
- Pinaliwanag ko na, ayaw niyang makinig. Eh, kung hahamunin ko na lang siya ng suntukan?
- In the spirit of Holy Week, which is approaching, I amend my previous offer to fight. Instead, I challenge him to take an IQ test with me in UP!
- Matapang silang manira sa akin. Pero wala namang matapang sa kanilang kalabanin ang mga sindikato. Alam naman natin, asawa lang nila, takot na sila, sindikato pa kaya?
- Go stick your finger in the wall socket!
- I will rub their noses in the mud, for mud is their natural habitat.
- Those crooks, those criminals do not blush, do not suffer any shame or embarrassment peddling outright lies. And I thought that this is a Christian country where it's a sin to tell a lie.
- I eat death threats for breakfast!
- As a doctor of laws, I have researched the question and shall now proceed to share the answer with you. Is there sex after death? Answer: Yes, but you cannot feel anything!
- I am not afraid of death threats, but I am appalled that so many people are capable of so much wrong spelling and fractured grammar!
- Kung papatayin man nila ako, mumultuhin ko sila!
- I challenged him to a debate in UP or Ateneo campus. His reply was that he cannot debate with women. I asked around, and I learned that he cannot debate with men, either. In short, he simply cannot debate.
- Gusto ko sanang makipagkaibigan. Pero kung lalabanan ninyo ako, di subukan natin at tingnan kung sinong mauuna sa atin sa Intensive Care Unit!
- Tinawag ko ang lahat na CID intelligence agents. Tinuruan ko ng immigration law. Dinala ko sa CID Detention Center. Sabi ko: ‘Nakita ninyo itong kulungan? Sa ilalim ng batas, ang katungkulan natin ay punuin ang kulungan na ito. Kasya ang 50 na bilanggo pero ngayon ang laman ay limang dayuhan lang. Araw ng Lunes ngayon. Sa Biyernes, pag wala pang laman yan, kayo ang ilalagay ko diyan!
- Entering politics is a fate worse than death.
- Itong mga kalaban kong mahilig sa intriga ay hinahamon ako. Patutunayan ko na ang tunay na Pilipino, pag hinahamon, hindi umuurong!
- Hindi ko susundin ang gusto nila! Ano sila, sinusuwerte?
- Pinagmamalaki nila na dadayain daw nila ako sa halalan. Pinag-aralan ko na ang problema, at handa na kami. Subukan nilang mandaya, at makikita nila ang hinahanap nila!
- Itong mga kalaban natin, kapag madilim na ang Metro Manila, nagsisipagbangon sila sa mga kabaong nila, lumilipad sa kabilugan ng buwan, nagkakalat ng kanilang mga lagim!
- Tangkaan na nila na ang buhay ko. Siraan na nila ng siraan ang pangalan ko. Basta hindi ako aalis sa gobyerno natin. Hindi ako hihinto. Hindi ako uurong. Hindi ako susuko. Dahil ano sila, sinusuwerte?
- Nandiyan na yan, kasama sa trabaho. Siguro mabuti na ngang lumabas yung litratong yon, dahil diyan mapapatunayan na pag sinabi ko ang vital statistics ko, totoo! Patunay na akong tao, hindi sinungaling, hindi kamukha ng mga kalaban ko!
- Di ko pa nasampal lahat ng gusto kong sampalin.
- I wish we had a uniform… so at least the female component of Congress will not strut around like peacocks. It gives me a headache.
- It was a close encounter of the third kind. After all, in the Congress, apparently there are three sexes!
~Miriam Defensor Santiago
•I am not afraid of death threats, but I am appalled that so many people are capable of so much wrong spelling and fractured grammar!
•I challenged him to a debate in UP or Ateneo campus. His reply was that he cannot debate with women. I asked around, and I learned that he cannot debate with men, either. In short, he simply cannot debate.
•Di ko pa nasampal lahat ng gusto kong sampalin.
•I wish we had a uniform… so at least the female component of Congress will not strut around like peacocks. It gives me a headache.
The Senate is being Attacked.The House is being attacked.The Palace is being attacked.
Why can't the Supreme Court be attacked? No one is Above the LAW-Former President Joseph Estrada
To the Hacienda Luisita Farmers,you have to understand that your case is the root of this impeachment case.I caught the ire when we(Supreme Court) released our decision.
Chief Justice Renato Corona
"Maraming maraming salamat po sa Eat Bulaga.."
- Wowowee winner
Eto kuwento sa akin. Nung Miss Universe 1994 dito sa Pilipinas, sabi daw ni Madam Auring, "mananalo si Miss VALENZUELA"
1. "Ang taong nagigipit SA BUMBAY KUMAKAPIT!"
2. “Ang babaeng hindi natutumba AY DATING KUNDOKTORA!”
3. "Kung kaya ng iba, IPAGAWA MO SA KANILA!"
4. "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who my friends are, PARA BARKADA!"
5. “Practice makes perfect, but then again...NOBODY'S PERFECT! SO WHY PRACTICE?"
6. "Ang batang masipag, PAGLAKI... PAGOD!"
7. "Hindi lahat ng gwapo, may GIRLFRIEND; Ang iba may BOYFRIEND din."
8. "Ako ang nagsaing ngunit iba ang kumain, pagkat diet ako."
9. "Aanhin pa ang DAMO, kung mukha ka namang KABAYO!"
10. "Ang UNA ay hindi HULI."
11. "Ang lalaking GIPIT, sa bading KUMAKAPIT."
--Ai ai delas alas; Ang Tanging Ina Ninyong Lahat
We were just talking about this this morning. It’s so Pinoy to send celebrity jokes. When Erap was president, it was all Erap jokes. When GMA was president, it was all GMA jokes. I’m sure the Noynoy jokes aren’t far behind.
June 28, 2009 â†’ The Top Ten Celebrity Jokes – Sent in by: Jorik
1.No name – Erap was singing: “Put your left feet in, then put your left feet out…” Jinggoy: “Dad, dapat foot.” Erap: “Ay oo nga, sori. Foot your left feet in, then foot your left feet out…”
2.OscarDelaHopia – Pacman: “Nars, gib me samting por my pain!” Nurse: “Okay sir, I’ll give you morphine” Pacman: “No, no! I want less pain, not more pain!”
3.Hoypunks – Jinggoy: “Dad, anong spelling ng ‘success’, dobol S ba?” Erap: “Naku, ewan ko anak, tatluhin mo na, para sigurado!”
4.Rehaz – (Nasusunog yung bahay ni Erap at Loi sa U.S.) Loi: “Tawagan mo yung emrgency number!” Erap: “Teka! Nahanap ko na yung 9, pero di ko mahanap yung 11!”
5.Fratman – Erap: “Hindi maganda itong nabili mong sabon, ayaw bumula!” Loi: “Eh bakit naman kasi ayaw mong basain muna?” Erap: “Hello? Nakalagay nga ‘for dry skin’ only!”
6.Zeni Grand – Not a joke, but it sounds like one. I saw Alma Moreno being interviewed on TV. Host: “Ano naman ang specialty mo sa pagluluto?” Alma: “Mostly Chinese diseases…”
7.Andee – Erap: “Hon, na-carnap yung kotse natin!” Loi: “Nahabol mo?” Erap: “Hindi, pero nakuha ko yung plate number!”
8.Boknoi – Friend: “Pare, saan ka nanggaling?” Pepe Pimentel: “Sa libing ng biyenan ko.” Friend: “Eh bakit ang dami mong kalmot?” Pepe: “Lumaban eh…”
9.Sakura – “It’s one, in one.” Manny Pacquiao on the latest deadly virus (H1N1)
10.Numbynacky – (During a funeral) Erap: “Anak, bilis, lumabas tayo agad! Wag tayong paiiwan!” Jinggoy: “Bakit po?” Erap: “Ayan o, nakalagay, ‘REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED”.”
11.Ralph Waldo – A woman comes up to Melanie Marquez and shouts: “Hey *****!” Melanie shoots back: “Don’t you EVER call me HEY!”
12.Glennmich – “Noodle! Noodle!” Manny Pacquiao playing “Deal Or No Deal”.
13.No name – Erap texts Jinggoy the following message: “Anak, naiwan mo cellphone mo dito sa bahay.”
14.Neo MD – “Hidden Soldiers!” Manny Pacquiaowhen he was asked what’s the world’s number one anti-dandruff shampoo.
15.KiD BuKid – Teacher: “What is the scientific name of the female sex organ?” Erap: “I know this…it’s at the tip of my tongue…”
16.Bebe – “Toilet! Toilet!” Manny Pacquiao when asked which movie had Edward and Bella as the lead characters.
17.Glennford – (An exchange of texts between Erap and Loi) Erap: “Pa-pasaload naman ng 2 pesos, kasi last text ko na ‘to, may kailangan lang akong i-text.” (Loi sends 2 pesos) Erap: “Tnx!” Loi: “Wag mo na kong i-text!” Erap: “K!”
18.Aynluvcookies – Jinggoy: “Dad, pasilip nga kung sira yung signal light.” (Erap puts his head out the window of the car) Erap: “Sira nga! Ay, ayos pala! Ay teka, sira nanaman! Ayan, ayos nanaman…”
19.Aynluvcookies – Alma: “One burger please!” Waiter: “With pleasure, ma’am.” Alma: “No, with ketchup.”
20.Isenhart – Reporter: “Anong pasalubong mo kay Jinky?” Manny: “Ibon!” Reporter: “Ha? Anong klase?” Manny: “Mik-ap, lipstik, iba-ibang Ibon products!”
21.Jerguin – Alma: “Doc, si joey po laging sumisigaw pag nagka-climax siya!” Doc: “O, normal lang yun.” Alma: “Eh, nagigising po ako eh!”
22.RC and Cess – Q: “Bakit hindi nagsusuot ng grass skirt si Mahal?” A: “Kasi nagmumukha siyang sipa.”
23.Boknoi – Q: “Bakit hindi nagsusuot ng turtleneck si Bembol Roco?” A: “Kasi nagmumukha siyang roll-on.”
24.Japo – Q: “Anong title nung children’s album na ginawa ng Goo Goo Dolls at ni Lady Gaga?” A: “Goo Goo Gaga.”
25.Sasha Purse – Jinggoy: “Dad, bakit ang barko lumulutang sa tubig pero ang karayom lumulubog?” Erap: “Duh! Yung karayom may butas!”
26.Boknoi – (Alma Moreno called Philippine Airlines) Alma: “How long is the flight from Manila to Vancouver?” The person on the other line said: “Just a minute, ma’am…” Alma: “Wow, ang bilis lang pala!” (then puts the phone down).
27.Bebe – The Abu Sayyaf were looking for FVR, GMA and Erap, who all hid inside a sack each. The rebels kicked FVR’s sack, and FVR said: “Arf! Arf!” The rebels moved to GMA’s sack and kicked it, GMA said: “Meow! Meow!” The rebels moved to Erap’s sack and kicked it, and Erap said: “Patatas! Patatas!”
Panget man at dukha sa tingin, nakabubuntis din - PorkChop DUO
Nice twist that I’m posting this mere days before our national elections. During these moments you really feel Pinoy, whether for better or for worse, whether you’re voting or not, whether you’re invested in it or not. You can see it as a scary time to be Pinoy, or the best time to be one. Caveat: Of course many of these “quotes” are actually jokes.
May 4, 2009 â†’ The Top Ten Memorable Pinoy Quotes – Sent in by: SC
1.Blitzkrieg – In a gay beauty pageant, the host asked a contestant: “What is the one thing that symbolizes HAPPINESS for you?” The gay contestant paused, thought for a while and smiled: “EGGPLANT po!”
2.GRACiA – In a comedy bar, the gay comedian talked about inspecting the people entering the club: “Para sa mga babae, dapat labingwalong gulang pataas. Sa mga lalaki naman, anim na pulgada pahaba.”
3.Manong Driver – In a TV news bit, a policeman caught a hold-upper and goes: “This man is a…this man is…manloloko po ito, manloloko!”
4.Jayswong – Inday Badiday to a lost child on her show: “Kilala mo ba kung sino ako?” KId: “Opo.” Inday Badiday: “Sige nga, sino ako?” Kid: “Bakla po.”
5.Keyfaust – Alma Moreno was asked: “What can you say about violence in Philippine movies today?” She supposedly answered: “Naku, gitara nga hindi ako marunong, violence pa!”
6.Akosimael – Ruffa G to Kris A, who mentioned that her mom raised them not to talk back to their parents: “Kris naman, i-compare mo ba naman ang mom mo sa mom ko.”
7.Julian – A starlet was asked: “Ano ang edge mo sa ibang artista?” She answered: “Edge ko po? 24 years old po.”
8.No name – Reporter: “Balita ko wall-to-wall carpeting sa bahay mo.” Alma Moreno: “Hindi naman, sa sahig lang…”
9.Albert – DOH’s Dr. Eric Tayag, when asked if Swine Flu can be had from eating pork: “Hindi bumabahing ang karne.”
10.Cheezee – A starlet was asked how she liked the movie and she answered: “TEN thumbs up!”
11.Doraemon – Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s reactions to the Americans on VFA: “The problem with the Americans, is that they are overpaid, oversexed and over here.”
12.Camila Rosa – Miriam Defensor-Santiago on her opponents: “Many, if n0t all, of my presidential opponents, are certifiable idiots.”
13.TwistdSaint – Celia Rodriguez during an awards night: “And the winner goes to…”
14.Doraemon – Quote from Imelda Marcos: “People say I’m extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?”
15.Febkinse - Pacquiao: “Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.” Jinky: “Sweets? Nasaan? Ang lambing mo naman, may pasalubong ka pa sa akin!” Pacquiao: “Yung sweets ng ilaw. Ang dilim kaya!”
16.Febkinse - Erap: “Miss, pabili nga ng ballpen.” Saleslady: “Sori sir wala p0 kaming ballpen.” Erap: “Ano ba yan, PENSHOPPE walang ballpen!”
17.Febkinse - GMA: “Sorry late ako. Grabe ang brownout sa Makati, 1hr kami sa elevator.” ERAP: “Mas grabe ang brown out sa San Juan, 2hrs kami ni Jinggoy sa escalator!”
18.Mr. Perk/No name – Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko lang ang only living legend, na buhay pa!”
19.Rhea – During an interview, Kris Aquino asked Anne Curtis: “Maarte ka ba?” Anne replied: “Oo,parang ikaw!”
20.Pumba – Angelica Jones when asked about Onemig Bondoc: “Ang masasabi ko lang, wala siyang BREATHING!”
21.Jorik – Host asked beauty contestant: “If you win, what problem of our country will you address first?” She answered: “I will promote drug abuse.”
22.Jorik – Host: “What is the role of the runner-up?” Beauty Contestant: “The role of the first runner up is…is…can I have an interpreter?”
23.Parry Hotter – Someone asked Imelda Marcos: “Madam, how rich are you?” Imelda: “Darling, if you can count it, you’re not rich.”
24.No name – Vilma Santos interviewed after her wedding: Interviewer: “How do you feel?” Vilma: “I’m just glad the marriage is over!”
25.Pookie! – Host: “What’s your best feature?” Beauty Contestant: “My graduation feature.”
26.TReiz – Seen on twitter, “Don’t f*ck with me, I’m half Filipino, and I’ll Manny Pacquiao you, *****!”
27.Blitzkrieg – Melanie Marquez’ acceptance speech for winning Best Actress: “Salamat po sa Board of Judges. Ito na ho yata ang pinakamaligaya kong Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon sa inyong lahat!”
28.Akosimael – Starlet during a peace rally: “Stop war, not peace!”
29.The Trifler – Vicky Belo when asked about her diet: “You should eat yung mga sosyal na fish.”
30.Glenskie – From a co-writer sa Collegian: “Gaga, hindi ako bakla!”
31.Gorgeous ***** -Manny Pacquiao on the Hatton fight: “Nothing personalan.”
32.Hellgirl - Randy David on his arrest during PP1017: “Isang paraan para di mahuli sa rally, inglisin mo yung pulis.”
33.Boknoi – Dolphy on running for office: “Madaling tumakbo, eh paano pag nanalo?”
34.RC & Cess – On Philippine politics: “Pagkatapos ng eleksyon, dalawang klase lang ang politiko – NANALO at DINAYA.”
"Nasa States ako nung nangyari yun" - Hyubs
"Nasa States ako nung nangyari yun" - Hubert Webb