someone has been there for me through and through while i was handling my one-way love affair with someone. now this guy is gone. i regret treating him like trash. he used to take the apathy or whatever abuse i gave him and he never took them to heart he said it's because he cares about me so much. i don't know why but i tend to hurt people who love me before they can hurt me first so i kept pushing him away and i knew he'll never go away and i felt secure in what we had. he was never my boyfriend but we had an odd caring relationship. no matter what i do or say to him, he never left my side. he witnessed my suffering and desperation, it never turned him off. he always had his shoulder for me to cry on. but when i confessed i had sex with that guy i was obsessed with, he said he's finally giving up and he'll leave me alone for good. i don't know if i can say he gave up too quickly on me or if i even have the right to say "he gave up on me" because i made it clear from the start he wasn't my type and he should stop courting me. i kinda kept stressing he's like a parasite in my life which i truly realize is a big mistake. i really regret doing this to him. he's far better in all aspects than the guy i was obsessed with. i wasn't attracted not because he was ugly, gay, dumb or anything, he was absolutely stunning, but i had a specific ideals of what my boyfriend should be like and it's all my fault. ugh! i'm stupid!
i still feel weird when i remember that jerk who hurt me. sometimes my heart would beat faster when i check his facebook and i see his picture with his soon to be wife. but i learned my lesson. i'm trying to really move on and i'm doing well.
should i look out for signs that he's open to a relationship with me (the nice one)? or should i just move on and not repeat the same mistake again?