found out that my 5y.o. son is not mine

[speedsterdemon]

I have a friend exactly in the same situation. He didn't know this girl is pregnant with another man. They got married, but his wife has been seeing this other guy secretly who got her pregnant. The guy knows its his baby. So, a couple of years past, the wife can no longer keep this a secret and told the husband directly and bluntly. He was shocked! The whole family was shocked!! They have loved the baby as their own already. The wife with head up high told the whole family. Instead of living a lie, she told the truth. She doesn't really care about the consequences as long as she is free. So, the family advice for an annulment. Fortunately, everything went smoothly.

I think its my friend's fault because he was the one who forced the marriage, otherwise he'll commit suicide. The girl, out of a pity, gave in to the pressure.

[Armagedd0n]

Bakit ba parami yata ng parami ang taong manloloko ngayon hehe. On the other hand maaaring hindi ka naniniwala pero sometimes things happen on a purpose. Deserving ang GF mo sa galit mo at galit ng mga tao sa paligid nyo, pati dito sa pex pero inosente yung bata. Ubusin mo muna lahat ng emotions mo saka ka magisip. You can't think properly habang nasa peek ang emotion mo. Your not young but not yet too late to start again, advantage mo na lalake ka. Mas matagal ang biological clock mo.

You will never know pero baka yang batang yan ang magmamahal sayo at magaasikaso sayo sa mga panahong mahina ka na at nangangailangan ng pagaalaga.

Sometimes God test our heart in a very unpleasant way.
If you can choose love even in a very hateful situation.
Rewards doesn't come in an instant and not always tangible.
But definitely it's worth it.

Give hate, earn hatred.
Forgive and be forgiven.
Give love and be loved.

God Bless.

[Papichulo168]

Masyado naman mabigat itong thread na 'to. Isa munang musical intermission:


http://www.youtube.com/v/WjSXfn0G-io

[jnyarop]

Pero para kasing ang hirap din na makasama habang buhay ang isang taong nangloko sayo? Hindi ba magbabago ang tingin mo sa kanya? Isipin mo, makakasama mo sya hanggang sa pagtanda mo na dadalhin mo yung sakit sa puso mo. Na alam mong nabuntis sya ng iba at nagtaksal sayo. Kung "sex" lang ay maiintindhan ko pa siguro, pero "pregnant" is parang iba na. Isipin mo 15,000 days ka matutulog na kasama yung babaeng nagtaksil sayo. Makakatulog ka kaya nun araw araw? Magiging comfortable kaya at panatag ang utak mo? As I said in my first post, sa huli, desisyon mo pa rin yan, and agree ako halos sa mga reply.

Bro, think about it. Wag sana magpakamartir. Minsan sinusunod natin puso natin, minsan sinusunod natin utak natin. Minsan nagpapakatanga tayo. Do what you want. And whatever you choose, stand with it for the rest of your life.

Goodluck.

[pixiestinkerbell]

Never thought I would be asking advise from any forum...much less PEx.

It's been a week since I found out that the child I thought was mine was the fruit of my long-time girlfriend's moment of weakness with another man

Worse is, it happened right under my nose since we were already living-in together for 5-years at that time. The guy was a former H.S. suitor na nagkataong nasa same line of business as the business she was handling at that time (2006).

She kept everything a secret from me all these years until last week. She decided to come clean on a time when I was looking at the three of us moving into a better place/home. She just can't bear na daw that I continue sacrificing for her and her son. She loves me daw that she's giving me the freedom from my responsibilities sa kanila. She just can't live with herself and the lie that she's been keeping all these years anymore. She also wouldn't want that I hear about it from other pa if ever.

Now, am so lost. Six years of my life was a lie!

I am on auto-pilot now and currently living on my own, while she and my son went back to live with her parents. More than a week na and I still don't know how to move forward. I cried and prayed and cried some more and got drunk and locked myself up sa kwarto but the answers just won't come fully.

One thing am very sure of is that I would want to remain as the Dad of my son (who I love to death). I will support him (his schooling, etc.), and will be there for him whenever he needs me kahit hiwalay na kami ng tinitirhan. And when that time comes that he asks if am his real Dad, I will tell him the truth and will not stop him from seeking out his real father. Sana lang he would realize that it takes more than a few strands of DNA to be a father.

As for his mom, hindi ko pa makapa yung nararamdaman ko for her. Am hurt and angry and sad, all at the same time. I feel like she manipulated everything and now, for some strange reason, natakot sya sa multong ginawa nya. We have been together since our 20s (am now 38). She cheated on me when we were already in our 30s. Am still in the denial stage and I don't know how long it takes before one crosses over to the acceptance stage. I am so lost as to how I want to move forward.

I love our family and the life we built together but am not sure if I can get past this. Can I get back the love I have for her as strongly as before? Will I always resent her for being so selfish and think about her kahihiyan and all? Natakot din kse daw sya na mawala ako since I have been her strength, her support all these years. I trusted her so much and I don't know if I can get to that level of trusting again.

If you’ve read this far, salamat! Any comments will be appreciated. Just typing all these has helped (since I haven't talked to anyone about it yet), but it would really help to know how others have successfully gone through difficult, even though not similar, times like am going through right now.

To Mr Pilot,

Just one word "forgiveness"...

You know what, sana I can meet one of these days a guy like you.
Keep up the good heart Mr Pilot!

From,
Ms Engineer

[hathaway]

At work, but my mind can't help but wander off sa sitwasyon namin...kahit gusto mong hindi isipin, hindi kaya

Sobrang salamat uli to those who takes time to give their feedbacks...helps a lot especially since I haven't talked to ANYONE na kakilala namin about this. I cannot even imagine what will happen to people close to us (grandparents, mga tito at tita) pag nalaman nila. Sabi ko nga ka sa kanya, this goes beyond us na. Madaming taong sobrang masasaktan pag nalaman nila.

More tha a week pa lang and I'm feeling like yung mga zombies na sa The Walking Dead. Haven't been sleeping much and even good food doesn't appeal to me like before.

I know the decision is all up to me pero ang hirap palang makalabas sa denial stage. I truly miss the family I had before all these

We can include you and your family in our prayers.
Everything's going to be alright in God's time.

[vicmesar]

Can you still live NORMALLY (as you used to be) without them?
If yes, then forget them. If not, then, accept them. Anyway, a relation maybe sweet, but still, not made in heaven.

Bottomline: you are the ultimate measure of your situation. ANO GUSTO MO? From your message, it is very clear that you still love and want them. It is just that they hurt you.

Consider the following quotes as guide for a happy life:

1. LOVE DEEPLY AND PASSIONATELY. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely;

2. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk;

3. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

Deep within yourself, you know the solution of your problem. You know what you want, so that's it.

[DokTots]

Well, for starters, kanino nakapangalan yung kid nya? Surname mo ba ang gamit?

I'm not a lawyer, pero dahil nakikinig ako ng radio program sa 92.3 na Relasyon with Mam Luchi and Atty. Mel, eh meron din akong konting alam.

If I'm not mistaken, dapat yung surname ng kid nakapangalan sa real / biological father nito. If nakapangalan sayo at nakalagay sa birth certificate nya eh ikaw, eh mukhang llamado ka na.

If you really love the kid, the only way to be his real daddy is to adopt him. Pero kung i-aAcknowledge nung biological father yung anak nya eh kelangan mo muna ng permission ni biological father bago mo sya ma-Adopt.

As for the mother, it would be an absolute mistake to stay with her just for the kid's sake. Kasi everytime na makikita mo yung face nya, you'll remember her treachery, and it would eat you up inside.

So for me, let the mother go, but love the kid.

38 is not old. Men don't get old, only women do that. lolz

[Hurting_Dad]

Saw a longtime buddy kahapon and una nyang binanggit was, "you lost weight, pare. diet ka ba?"....two-weeks pa lang and it has taken its toll on me physically

@hathaway
Thanks for including us in your prayers. Please give extra prayers for my boy.

@DokTots
Yes, the boy has my surname...and I intend to be his Dad for life. Feeling ko lang bigla akong tumanda ng 10years during the past 2-weeks. So either am an old-38yo or a young-48yo.

@pixiestinkerbell
You sure you want to meet someone as depressed as me?

@jinyarop
That is what am asking myself right now. Sabi ko sa kanya noon, I want to grow old with her...I keep singing that Adam Sandler song from The Wedding Singer to her pa nga. If we get back together, can I still do that kaya without having flashes of her cheating while I look at her?

To all the other guys, your comments are much appreciated. I agree this is all on me. I have to gather myself and get out from this hole on my own. Right now, I think I need to see a therapist since I don't think its wise to talk to anyone na kakilala namin. Gusto ko na din namag magcross-over doon sa acceptance stage.

[love_always]

you know where i stand sir.. always look in the bright side na lang.. ako nga, i lost 15 founds agad dahil sa stress ng marital problem..i-enjoy mo na lang ang weight lost mo..

pero sana you weight things,weight them with your heart and your mind.kasi in whatever route you'll take, parehong mahihirapan ka sa umpisa, basta see beyond this pain.. if you plan to stay with her, see a brighter tomorrow with them, kahit anung mangyari at nangyari or if you plan to stay alone, see a bright tom for yourself and be hopeful that something or someone good will come..

[adiposethoughts]

TS...

One of the things that cause us pain and suffering is having the feeling of attachment towards something.. or someone.

In your case, being a very devoted family man, you were attached to three things:
1) your family
2) your wife and son
3) and your role as a husband and a father

Walang masama karirin mo ang pagiging isang asawa at magulang. Sa totoo lang, dapat naman talaga na sa kahit na anong anggulo ng buhay natin, binibigay natin lahat, ang best natin. Ang kaso, sa estado mo ngayon kaya ka nahihirapan at nasasaktan ay dahil pinepersonal mo ang dagok na ito sa buhay mo.

Ang tingin ko'y pakiwari mo insulto sa pagkatao mo na niloko ka ng asawa mo at pinaako sa iyo ang isang bagay na hindi naman iyo.

NA sana man lang, sinabi na sayo sa umpisa pa lang para at least sayo nanggaling ang desisyon at hindi ibang tao ang nagmando ng buhay mo. Para kasing inipit ka na sa sitwasyon at nasayang yung buhay mo kasi nabuhay ka sa kasinungalingan.

BUT REALLY? If you had not found out about the truth would anything change? Wala naman di ba?

So bakit ngayon you're allowing yourself to get affected with this? You have already spent at least 5 years living a lie and being happy with it because you think it's not a lie.

BUT --- everybody lies. Including you. Whether it's a white lie or whatever kind of lie. It's still a lie. We all lie.

Una kasing nasaktan yung ego mo. Kaya mahirap lunukin ang katotohanan. At mahirap mag-isip ng derecho.

Wag mo personalin kung nagsinungaling sayo ang asawa mo. Hindi naman ikaw lang ang dahilan kung bakit nangaliwa siya at nagpabuntis pa sa iba. I'm NOT saying na take this as if it was nothing to you. Ang ibig ko lang sabihin, ilayo mo muna ang isip mo sa sitwasyon at subukan mong wag lagyan ng emosyon at kulay ang mga bagay-bagay as kung bakit niya nagawa sayo to.

Saka ka gumawa ng rational na desisyon.

Unang una sa lahat, alam ko may feeling ka na ng obligasyon sa bata. Pero sa ngayon, MULI, para hindi ka malito... lagyan mo muna ng boundary.

KASI unang una sa lahat ang dapat mong protektahan dito ang sarili mo. Tapos yung bata.

Pero hindi pwedeng you take this lying down. No.

So suggestion?

I'll sum it up to one sentence then I'll give you some points kung san ka pwedeng magsimula.

SUMMARY: (gawin mo tong motto mo sa buhay mo)
LET THEM SUFFER

In your case, let HER suffer.

- Hayaan mong mangarag ang magaling mong asawa kung paano niya bubuhayin ang bata. On the other hand, kung anuman ang financial support na ibibigay mo, kung balak mo talagang magbigay... Impokin mo muna sa banko. Alalahanin mo, hindi mo anak yon. Itinuring mo lang na anak.
Bakit?
Kasi maaari niyang gawing pampaawa sayo yung bata. Laging gagamitin ang konsensiya mo para humingi ng financial support sayo.
Eh ano siya, birthday?

Questions:
1) Mahal mo pa ba ang asawa mo?
2) Gusto mo pa bang makilala ng anak mo ang tatay niya?
3) May balak ka bang sabihin sa kanya na hindi ikaw ang tunay niyang ama?
4) May espasyo ka pa ba sa puso mo na patawarin at kalimutan ang ginawa sayo ng asawa mo?
5) Kung magsisiping kayo ulet, hindi mo na ba maiisip ang kawalang hiyaang ginawa niya sayo?

[adiposethoughts]

Next...

Hayaan mong puso mo ang magsalita.

Kung ikaw ba sisipingan mo pa ang asawa mo at magsasama pa kayo, mapapanatag pa ba ang loob mo? O laging may dimonyong bumubulong sa tenga mo na gumagatong sa mga naiisip mo?

Kung ang automatic mong sagot ay may dimonyong bumubulong, eh wag mo na lang munang balikan ang asawa mo.

MUNA kasi ikaw pa rin ang makapagsasabi kung may puwang pa sa puso mo para magpatawad o wala na talaga.

IKAW LANG talaga ang makapagsasabi niyan.

Mahirap, I know, kasi nakatatak na sa puso at isip mo na kayo na hanggang sa huli.

Ikaw nalang ang makapagsasabi kung kaya mo pang buksan ang sarili mo para sa babaeng tulad niya.

In fairness to her, may konsensiya naman siya at sinabi pa niya sayo ang totoo.

BUT, kung ako ang lalaki, hihingi ako ng TIME and SPACE away from them. Yun talagang civil lang ang kontak.

[pixiestinkerbell]

@pixiestinkerbell
You sure you want to meet someone as depressed as me?


To Mr Pilot,

My answer is yes, would you mind?

Keep up the good heart! I'll keep telling this line to you, a key for having a wonderful life here in earth.

Kisses,
Ms Engineer

[kreuk]

Two people can do exactly the same thing but have different intentions and motivations.

One cheated because they got curious and weak. The other cheated dahel mean time boy ka *** talaga or dahel atm ka lang nila.

Just follow your instincts kng ano dapat gawen.

[infinite_trial]

Parang movie ah

Panoorin mo na lang ito: Chaos Theory starring Ryan Raynolds

this is actually a great suggestion, TS

you know what though, it might give you a different advice if you're married with this girl...but i am not sure what to think now. why are you not married yet with her? what was holding you back? i asked because it could be the reason why she confessed to you. oo nga at naguilty siya...but i think she wants you to either commit to her and start clean or leave her now while you can.

if this is something you cannot forget, then i probably won't stay just for the sake of the child. kung naaawa ka talaga pwede mo naman sigurong dalawin yung bata. if you really love your girlfriend, just give yourself time to heal...then start with a clean slate.

[bimpirman]

@pixiestinkerbell
You sure you want to meet someone as depressed as me?


To Mr Pilot,

My answer is yes, would you mind?

Keep up the good heart! I'll keep telling this line to you, a key for having a wonderful life here in earth.

Kisses,
Ms Engineer

TS, this is your chance.

[Hurting_Dad]

salamat ng marami, adiposethoughts

TS...
I'll sum it up to one sentence then I'll give you some points kung san ka pwedeng magsimula.

SUMMARY: Let HER suffer.
Hayaan mong mangarag ang magaling mong asawa kung paano niya bubuhayin ang bata. On the other hand, kung anuman ang financial support na ibibigay mo, kung balak mo talagang magbigay... Impokin mo muna sa banko. Alalahanin mo, hindi mo anak yon. Itinuring mo lang na anak.
Bakit? Kasi maaari niyang gawing pampaawa sayo yung bata. Laging gagamitin ang konsensiya mo para humingi ng financial support sayo.
Eh ano siya, birthday?

She actually said that I SHOULD NOT continue with the financial supports. She wouldn't take it against me daw. But I just can't do that, I am not wired that way. I intend to support MY SON all throughout.

Questions:
1) Mahal mo pa ba ang asawa mo? Yes...hindi naman ganoon kadaling mawawala yun. But is the love enough for me to totally forget what happened.

2) Gusto mo pa bang makilala ng anak mo ang tatay niya? No..but if he wants to touch base with him later on in life, hindi ko sya pipigilan.

3) May balak ka bang sabihin sa kanya na hindi ikaw ang tunay niyang ama? Yes...when he is mature enough to understand

4) May espasyo ka pa ba sa puso mo na patawarin at kalimutan ang ginawa sayo ng asawa mo? Patawarin, yes...kalimutan, hindi ko alam

5) Kung magsisiping kayo ulet, hindi mo na ba maiisip ang kawalang hiyaang ginawa niya sayo?

[doombot]

salamat ng marami, adiposethoughts

TS anu ng balita? mag kwento ka pa.

thanks.

[tendou_souji]

haha e akala ko ba okay lang sa iyo yung bata e bakit nag iisip ka pa ngayon?? kung nag iisip ka e di may doubts ka pag may doubts iwanan mo na. yun yun

[jnyarop]

@jinyarop
That is what am asking myself right now. Sabi ko sa kanya noon, I want to grow old with her...I keep singing that Adam Sandler song from The Wedding Singer to her pa nga. If we get back together, can I still do that kaya without having flashes of her cheating while I look at her?

To all the other guys, your comments are much appreciated. I agree this is all on me. I have to gather myself and get out from this hole on my own. Right now, I think I need to see a therapist since I don't think its wise to talk to anyone na kakilala namin. Gusto ko na din namag magcross-over doon sa acceptance stage.

I believe in forgiveness but I don't believe that we can try to erase one's memories. Nakatatak na sa utak mo yan at nandyan na yan habang buhay. Sabi nga nila diba, ang tiwala parang tsokolate, kapag natunaw na, hindi mo na maibabalik sa dating korte. Maaring mapatawad mo sya pero hindi na tulad ng dati na buong buo ang tiwala mo at hindi ka magiging 100% kalmado.

Nakakalungkot talaga yan bro. Tama, try mo kumausap ng therapist. At kung meron kang "best friend", bakit hindi mo kausapin? Makakapagbigay yun ng advice at sigurado naman ako na may mga taong nagmamahal sayo.