found out that my 5y.o. son is not mine

[blue_tracer]

siyempre hindi naman bato ang puso ng tao. naaantig din.

maraming makakaintindi sa sitwasyon mo. may attachment ka na sa bata, plus mukhang mahal mo pa itong nanay ng bata.

emotion ang nangingibabaw.. pero consider mo rin logical perception para balanse.

in a relationship itong girl nang mangyari ito. so hindi naman tanga siguro yung kasemplehan mate niya na buntisin siya, tama?

obviously, hindi sinasadya na mabuntis itong gf mo. napuruhan lang one time. disgrasya.. which suggests na maraming beses muna nila 'yan ginawa behind your back.

hindi ka ginamit? i beg to disagree.

hindi ba nagsilbing kang 'base' or 'station' para takasan niya at balikan? parang ano.. yung diving board.

sneak out, sneak in. undetected. some pleasure can be derived out of that. kahit sa kaninong player mo pa itanong 'yan.

may mga taong nakakaramdam ng sarap.. when they make you believe something which is not. in short.. may isang tanga dapat na tataguan to maximize the pleasure.

kaya nga grave offense ito. hindi naman siya nalasing lang sa bar, nanghina, tapos may nag take advantage. naging one night stand.

premeditated ito. marami munang stop lights siyang nakita bago makarating 'doon'.

she bloated that man's ego.. at the expense of her loving partner, you.

opinion ko lang, kung tunay mong mahal itong bata at bahagi na siya ng buhay mo.. well, sustentuhan mo hanggang highschool or hanggang kaya mo.

at itong nanay.. papano mo papa-define sa kanya ang love? love ba yang habang kinakabayo siya nun lover niya noon na iwas-pusoy sa pagsuporta sa bata?

buti pa hindi pa nababaril sa ulo yung guy hanggang ngayon?

mauuwi na lang ito sa sumbatan. and in the end, mambabae ka rin dahil may pang kontra-timbang ka.. eventually, magkakagulo lang din kayo.

halus 5 years 'yan na wala kang kaalam-alam. eh sa mga threads pa nga lang, simpleng posts lang at komento abah nag aaway na mga tao dito. 'yan pa kaya?

maraming bagay at pagkakamali ang puwedeng patawarin. and if you think this is one of them, fine. your call.

hindi ka na siguro makakakita ng babaeng katulad niya, pero makakakita ka pa ng mas higit pa sa kanya. ganun lang ang buhay, minsan may mga tragedies para maging aral.

[infinite_trial]

Hindi hamak na mas napakadaling gawin nito kung ganito nga ang sitwasyon. Ang mahirap sa sitwasyon namin ay yung ginawa nyang kalokohan sa ibang lalaki ay HABANG nasa relasyon kami, paglilihim ng ginawang iyon, at yung pakiramdam kong panggagamit nya sa loob ng 6 na taon dahil alam nyang mahal na mahal ko ang pamilya ko. It's entirely different doon sa pagtanggap sa isang babaeng alam mo na may anak na sa pagkadalaga.

if she's not giving you answers to your questions, she probably does not care anymore if you get back together or not. if what i quoted above is something you believe in, then i think this is over. kahit ano pang explanation ibigay niya, there will be times you will rehash this on your mind and ask the same questions over and over again. i totally understand how that feels. ako din kasi hindi tumitigil hangga't di nalalaman ang katotohanan. but i think it is useless to know the details if the other person does not care how much he/she hurt you. so i usually bail before that person can inflict more pain. you can try to put the pieces together, but then what?

i think rather than asking her why she cheated on you, asked her why did she reveal it now. what was she expecting? your forgiveness? to wash her guilt? or to have an easy way out? if she cannot answer that, then she does not care whatever the outcome is. it's more likely she's both washing her guilt and found an easy way out. if it is your forgiveness, then it doesn't matter anymore what she did in the past. it is up to you if you could forgive her.

ang hula ko lang, 38 years old...you guys are still not married. you were living in together for 5 years when she got pregnant. all those years hindi man lang kayo nagkabuntisan. she might have used the kid as a hook to keep you. after five years, maglive-in pa din kayo. now, i am not saying what she did is right. if you want more answers, you should be able to handle the truth.

[blue_tracer]

malaman mo man lahat ng answers.. para saan pa?

if you go on with this relationship.. parang slim ng chance maging healthy pa ito. baka isumbat mo lang lagi 'yang nalaman mo. wala rin. puro away lang.

wala na kayo. that's it. move on na.

[Hurting_Dad]

Don't know if its really like this (stages of depression)...pero more than 2-months after her confession, am back to that feeling of sadness. Sobrang lungkot umuwi sa bahay na walang bukas na ilaw sa gabi


You're most likely right here. Dami nyang hindi masagot up to now. All she can say is "I don't know" and that hurts me more...na ginawa nya yung ginawa nya ng wala man lang dahilan

if she's not giving you answers to your questions, she probably does not care anymore if you get back together or not. if what i quoted above is something you believe in, then i think this is over. kahit ano pang explanation ibigay niya, there will be times you will rehash this on your mind and ask the same questions over and over again.

She can't stand dealing with her conscience na daw. Kaya ayun, naglinis ng guilt pero at my expense

i think rather than asking her why she cheated on you, asked her why did she reveal it now. what was she expecting? your forgiveness? to wash her guilt? or to have an easy way out?

With all due respect to everyone who shared their insights and kind words, I have to thank you the most, bro blue_tracer. You gave me the other side of the coin when I least want to hear it. One of these days and we chance upon meeting, beers on me. Salamat.

malaman mo man lahat ng answers.. para saan pa? if you go on with this relationship.. parang slim ng chance maging healthy pa ito. baka isumbat mo lang lagi 'yang nalaman mo. wala rin. puro away lang.

wala na kayo. that's it. move on na.

[honeyline]

NEGA ON:
My heart bleeds for the kid... hindi kinilala ng tunay tatay (wait alam ba ng h1n@yup@k na yun na nakabuntis sya?), tapos ngayon broken family ang drama... tsk tsk tsk...

SUPER NEGA ON
Parang nasayang ang 10 taon ng buhay mo... nakahanap ka na sana ng babae na para sayo...

ALL NEGA OFF
Life begins at 40 you can start anew you are single! then why not mingle?

[jazzmine22]

thanks for the kind words, jazzmine....am starting to have bouts with extreme sadness nga lately...

Kapit lang TS, tibayan mo loob mo, kayang kaya mong lagpasan yan.

Isipin mo na lang, ang lahat ng nangyayari eh may dahilan. Kinuha sayo, kasi may magandang ipapalit.

Acceptance na ang kasunod niyan. At I am wishing you, na dumating ka na sa point na kaya mong lingunin ang nangyari ng wala kang anumang sakit na nararamdaman.

[papa34]

Never thought I would be asking advise from any forum...much less PEx.

It's been a week since I found out that the child I thought was mine was the fruit of my long-time girlfriend's moment of weakness with another man

Worse is, it happened right under my nose since we were already living-in together for 5-years at that time. The guy was a former H.S. suitor na nagkataong nasa same line of business as the business she was handling at that time (2006).

She kept everything a secret from me all these years until last week. She decided to come clean on a time when I was looking at the three of us moving into a better place/home. She just can't bear na daw that I continue sacrificing for her and her son. She loves me daw that she's giving me the freedom from my responsibilities sa kanila. She just can't live with herself and the lie that she's been keeping all these years anymore. She also wouldn't want that I hear about it from other pa if ever.

Now, am so lost. Six years of my life was a lie!

I am on auto-pilot now and currently living on my own, while she and my son went back to live with her parents. More than a week na and I still don't know how to move forward. I cried and prayed and cried some more and got drunk and locked myself up sa kwarto but the answers just won't come fully.

One thing am very sure of is that I would want to remain as the Dad of my son (who I love to death). I will support him (his schooling, etc.), and will be there for him whenever he needs me kahit hiwalay na kami ng tinitirhan. And when that time comes that he asks if am his real Dad, I will tell him the truth and will not stop him from seeking out his real father. Sana lang he would realize that it takes more than a few strands of DNA to be a father.

As for his mom, hindi ko pa makapa yung nararamdaman ko for her. Am hurt and angry and sad, all at the same time. I feel like she manipulated everything and now, for some strange reason, natakot sya sa multong ginawa nya. We have been together since our 20s (am now 38). She cheated on me when we were already in our 30s. Am still in the denial stage and I don't know how long it takes before one crosses over to the acceptance stage. I am so lost as to how I want to move forward.

I love our family and the life we built together but am not sure if I can get past this. Can I get back the love I have for her as strongly as before? Will I always resent her for being so selfish and think about her kahihiyan and all? Natakot din kse daw sya na mawala ako since I have been her strength, her support all these years. I trusted her so much and I don't know if I can get to that level of trusting again.

If you’ve read this far, salamat! Any comments will be appreciated. Just typing all these has helped (since I haven't talked to anyone about it yet), but it would really help to know how others have successfully gone through difficult, even though not similar, times like am going through right now.

I have been to worst than this my friend.
I want to reply with my feelings ON but i can not, i am not qualified.
if i compare myself to you, you are a saint and i am the horny diablo.

my point is, if you think moving on without looking back is the right move, then by all means do it. Don't worry, if you think that being adult or being 38-40 won't enable you to find brighter/happier than your old life, you are very mistaken. moving on will be easier and lighter for you compare to others or to me.

you know the feelings when u are kid and lost your first balloon? the feelings of helplessness? mawawala rin yan... for you madali lang yan dahil wala ka naman kasalanan, dba?

[PrettyCool_Dude]

I just read your story now as I was gone from Pex for quite a while. I can't say anything at this moment but how I'd like to comment. I'm just afraid I might say things that might fuel up your depression at this point. You see, I'm notorious for viewing things at a different perspective. I'm unorthodox, and no one usually understands me. So maybe I should read everything here first before trying to comment.

I haven't read all those 10 pages of this thread yet so i don't know if you've already mentioned if you're seeing other girls - I'm just curious, I just wanna ask that. I'm not sure too from what I've read if you're still in love her. Because for me, that's the critical part. Try to discern that from yourself. I mean with or without answers to your lingering questions, you can still analyse how you feel for her now that your anger is gone. Because everything won't matter that much to you if you're not in love with her anymore. The child is another issue. You can still continue to be a father to him regardless of your relationship with his mother.

Anyway, huli ako lang talaga ako sa balita kaya I'm sorry for messing up this thread if I'm asking things that might have already been mentioned before.

I'm praying for you, sir. Kudos to your strength and good heart!

[einhander]

ano daw sinasabi ng nanay sa bata pag hinahanap ka?

[unknown_SM]

Heart-breaking.

TS, I am wondering how you're coping up now? I hope you're feeling better.

[JobyBryant24]

One thing am very sure of is that I would want to remain as the Dad of my son (who I love to death). I will support him (his schooling, etc.), and will be there for him whenever he needs me kahit hiwalay na kami ng tinitirhan. And when that time comes that he asks if am his real Dad, I will tell him the truth and will not stop him from seeking out his real father. Sana lang he would realize that it takes more than a few strands of DNA to be a father.

As for his mom, hindi ko pa makapa yung nararamdaman ko for her. Am hurt and angry and sad, all at the same time. I feel like she manipulated everything and now, for some strange reason, natakot sya sa multong ginawa nya. We have been together since our 20s (am now 38). She cheated on me when we were already in our 30s. Am still in the denial stage and I don't know how long it takes before one crosses over to the acceptance stage. I am so lost as to how I want to move forward.

I love our family and the life we built together but am not sure if I can get past this. Can I get back the love I have for her as strongly as before? Will I always resent her for being so selfish and think about her kahihiyan and all? Natakot din kse daw sya na mawala ako since I have been her strength, her support all these years. I trusted her so much and I don't know if I can get to that level of trusting again.

If you’ve read this far, salamat! Any comments will be appreciated. Just typing all these has helped (since I haven't talked to anyone about it yet), but it would really help to know how others have successfully gone through difficult, even though not similar, times like am going through right now.

This should be cased closed na. You know what is right and what to do. I am proud that you think this way. Mahirap but you know you are man enough naman pala. Good Job!!!

Any updates pala bro?

[baklita]

A better analogy siguro is a pet dog. Kunwari niregaluhan ka ng Jack Russel Terrier na akala mo authentic dahil complete w/ papers pa. Tumagal sa iyo yung aso at napamahal na sa iyo. Malaman laman mo na bansot na askal lang pala yung inakala mong Jack Russel Terrier eh kaso napamahal ka na. Ipapamigay mo ba yung bansot na askal at tatanggap ka ng panibagong authentic na Jack Russel Terrier? o patuloy mong mamahalin ang bansot na askal?

tatanggapin ko ang panibagong aso at aangkinin ko pa rin
ang bansot na askal. huwag niya kunin ang bansot kundi
mababansot siya sa walang tigil na pamalo ko. ready ako, noh!

aihihihi!!!

baklits

[saweverything]

TS:

hindi mo ba napansin na parang hindi mo ata kamukha yung bata nung lumalaki na sya? how are you doing now?

[bayaniVAN]

Nakakaawa nga nung bata... Di na nga kilala yung tunay na Ama, mawawala pa yung kinikilalang ama....

------------------------------------------------------

If i am your child TS.. (Kung matuloy ang hiwalayan)

di ko gusto na magkahiwalay kayo ng mama ko.....
hindi sapat yang 3x a week na pagkikita/pagbibisita at financial support....

at kung hihiwalayan mo talaga yung mama ko... dapat pati yung pagiging mag-ama natin matapos din.... magulo kasi ang set-up...

At dad kung gusto mong mag-move on ... mag-move on ka.. maghanap ka ng babae na you can TRUST and start a family with her... I can't blame you. mama cheated so she must pay the consequence sad lang kasi pati ako damay.

i'll just pray na si mama makakita na din ng lalaki na magmamahal sa kanya at yung pinagkakatiwalaan siya.... at mamahalin din ako gaya ng pagmamahal mo sa akin.....

I commend you dad for loving me unconditionally .. pero i just can't call you my father if you're not the husband of my mother.....(harsh? to think di mo naman ako kadugo.. but you leaving us? masakit din....)

Maraming salamat sa 5 years na pagiging ama mo sa akin ........
I wish you the best in life.... God Bless you and your future family ....


love,

--- your ex-stepson ---

[bayaniVAN]

If i am your child TS.. (Kung magkabalikan kayo)

Dad maraming salamat at pinatawad mo si mama. with that gesture, i truly feel na tanggap mo ako bilang tunay mong anak....

don't worry dad, ako ang magiging symbol na magpapaalala kay mama kung gaano kang kabait na AMA at ASAWA sa kanya....
alam kong mahirap para sa inyo at lalo na sayo.... thank you for the sacrifices / adjustments / and love... thank you for keeping our family intact...

Maraming salamat sa pagiging ama mo sa akin ........
I wish us the best in life.... God Bless our family ....


love,

--- your son ---

[firefoxxx]

nakakaiyak ka naman BayaniVan very well said! Two thumbs up! sana Okay na si TS.

[Hurting_Dad]

Been sometime...just want to thank all of you guys and officially close the thread.

To make it short...

• We're done as a couple. The trust issue will never be mended.
• I love the kid dearly and I will never stop supporting his needs.
• We will try to protect, at any cost, yung bata from all the nasty things he might hear while he's growing up.
• and until such time that he wishes to meet his biological father, I will, and will always be, the ONLY DAD that the boy will know.

This chapter in my life is closed. Am moving on because I don't want to live the rest of my life in hate. I owe it to myself and to my loved ones.

Salamat uli sa lahat.

Hurting_Dad signing off

[agonysWeeper]

Been sometime...just want to thank all of you guys and officially close the thread.

To make it short...

• We're done as a couple. The trust issue will never be mended.
• I love the kid dearly and I will never stop supporting his needs.
• We will try to protect, at any cost, yung bata from all the nasty things he might hear while he's growing up.
• and until such time that he wishes to meet his biological father, I will, and will always be, the ONLY DAD that the boy will know.

This chapter in my life is closed. Am moving on because I don't want to live the rest of my life in hate. I owe it to myself and to my loved ones.

Salamat uli sa lahat.

Hurting_Dad signing off

isa kang dakilang ama.

[babygirl007]

congratulations we're happy for you.

You'll be fine for sure.

[jazzmine22]

Been sometime...just want to thank all of you guys and officially close the thread.

To make it short...

• We're done as a couple. The trust issue will never be mended.
• I love the kid dearly and I will never stop supporting his needs.
• We will try to protect, at any cost, yung bata from all the nasty things he might hear while he's growing up.
• and until such time that he wishes to meet his biological father, I will, and will always be, the ONLY DAD that the boy will know.

This chapter in my life is closed. Am moving on because I don't want to live the rest of my life in hate. I owe it to myself and to my loved ones.

Salamat uli sa lahat.

Hurting_Dad signing off

I wish you all the best TS, may you find the happiness you truly deserve. You are much stronger now. Take care dear! Loving_Dad is more appropriate username for you now.