found out that my 5y.o. son is not mine

[Hurting_Dad]

Never thought I would be asking advise from any forum...much less PEx.

It's been a week since I found out that the child I thought was mine was the fruit of my long-time girlfriend's moment of weakness with another man

Worse is, it happened right under my nose since we were already living-in together for 5-years at that time. The guy was a former H.S. suitor na nagkataong nasa same line of business as the business she was handling at that time (2006).

She kept everything a secret from me all these years until last week. She decided to come clean on a time when I was looking at the three of us moving into a better place/home. She just can't bear na daw that I continue sacrificing for her and her son. She loves me daw that she's giving me the freedom from my responsibilities sa kanila. She just can't live with herself and the lie that she's been keeping all these years anymore. She also wouldn't want that I hear about it from other pa if ever.

Now, am so lost. Six years of my life was a lie!

I am on auto-pilot now and currently living on my own, while she and my son went back to live with her parents. More than a week na and I still don't know how to move forward. I cried and prayed and cried some more and got drunk and locked myself up sa kwarto but the answers just won't come fully.

One thing am very sure of is that I would want to remain as the Dad of my son (who I love to death). I will support him (his schooling, etc.), and will be there for him whenever he needs me kahit hiwalay na kami ng tinitirhan. And when that time comes that he asks if am his real Dad, I will tell him the truth and will not stop him from seeking out his real father. Sana lang he would realize that it takes more than a few strands of DNA to be a father.

As for his mom, hindi ko pa makapa yung nararamdaman ko for her. Am hurt and angry and sad, all at the same time. I feel like she manipulated everything and now, for some strange reason, natakot sya sa multong ginawa nya. We have been together since our 20s (am now 38). She cheated on me when we were already in our 30s. Am still in the denial stage and I don't know how long it takes before one crosses over to the acceptance stage. I am so lost as to how I want to move forward.

I love our family and the life we built together but am not sure if I can get past this. Can I get back the love I have for her as strongly as before? Will I always resent her for being so selfish and think about her kahihiyan and all? Natakot din kse daw sya na mawala ako since I have been her strength, her support all these years. I trusted her so much and I don't know if I can get to that level of trusting again.

If you’ve read this far, salamat! Any comments will be appreciated. Just typing all these has helped (since I haven't talked to anyone about it yet), but it would really help to know how others have successfully gone through difficult, even though not similar, times like am going through right now.

[tendou_souji]

sabi nga ng isang pexer dito kung yung relationship ay nag start sa lie then it is doomed...

will you trust her again ba??

[my_2_cents]

E di palayasin mo siya! Linoko ka, e....

--
my_2_cents

[cryinoutloud]

ouch.. oh well... if you really can't take the thought of infidelity.. move on.. ganyan lang **** sa start..

[Papichulo168]

Wala ka naman palang isyu doon sa bata and you still plan to support him (even if he's not really yours), I'd say take them back if you find it in your heart to forgive the mom.

[sophion]

sakin di pwede yan. you wasted 6 years of your life, and too much money raising another man's kid????
ANOTHER MAN'S CHILD!

and hey bakit iba nakaanak sa syota mo. ikaw wala?
whats the problem?
if you really are incapable of impregnating anyone then i suggest you stick with her, stick with your "step son".

[Papichulo168]

I assume hindi pa kayo married but does the kid have your name? If I were you, especially now that you've known the truth, you have to make hard decisions quickly and not simmer in self pity. Either take them back get married and continue as a family...or remove all your sentimental and legal ties with them so you can move forward and start over.

[simplelangako82]

ano b yan pano kung napamahal na sayo yung bata at ikaw n yung tinatawag nyang daddy ,at then iiwanan mo sya malamang hahabulin ka ng bata lalo na pag napamahal ka na sa bata ang hirap naman nyan .at sa tingin ko kaya di nya ***** sayo na di ikaw ang ama kasi baka hindi pinanagutan ng guy na nakabuntis sa kanya

[blue_tracer]

obviously, malayo ito doon sa ibang cases like kunyari matagal mo nang ka-relasyon ang isang babae.. then one day, she decided to tell you something which she's been hiding for a long time, say may anak na pala siya..

iba 'yan. antimano sinabi na niya ang totoo, like giving you an option. mas okay pa 'yun.

pero itong case mo, may cheating eh.

pina-bloat niya ang ego 'nung other guy para maisahan ka.

tapos nang magbunga, abah ikaw pa sumalo. to make matters worse, parang sinadya pa niya maglagay ng anchors. (1) her son.. bumilang muna siya ng panahon para mahulog muna loob mo. (2) hinintay niya muna para mahinog/mature ng love mo.. pati sympathy isama mo na.

so that by the time she decides to tell you the truth it would be difficult for you to let her go.

thin line.. kasi doon sa hindi niya pagtatapat, dalawa possibilities: (1) para hindi ka daw masaktan dahil mahal ka niya.. hehehe 'yan ang conflict (2) security. tatakbuhan lang siya 'nun guy, eh kung malalaman mo pa, eh 'di baka pati ikaw umalis na rin. papano na siya?

isa pa.. aside from getting hurt, which is expected na 'yan everytime may mga cheating na nangyayari.. buti nga ang implication eh nagkaanak lang siya. sa kabilang banda blessing pa nga 'yan (sa side niya)..

meron pang isang complication na buti na lang hindi nangyari.. dahil kung nangyari yun, naging totally helpless ka sigurado:

what if, hindi naging bata ang naging bunga ng simplehan nila? what if naging std, say HIV/AIDS? dahil wala namang log book na pinipirmahan diyan eh like

honey! dont worry nag condom kami eh.

to each his own.. open forum lang ito. but for me, grave offense ito. no matter how painful this might be, kailangan magtapos kayo.

kahit anong baliktad mo dito sa issue na ito, hindi siya naging fair sa iyo. which.. well, may be she never had a choice.. she needed some security.

it's your call. goodluck.

[Papichulo168]

If I were in the TS' situation I'm sure it's going to be tough choice:

A. A 38 year old mom who cheated on you with a son who is not yours.

or

B. Start all over again and find a fresh 20 year old (okay, a 24 year old) and make a baby with her from your own sperm.

[sophion]

One thing am very sure of is that I would want to remain as the Dad of my son (who I love to death). I will support him (his schooling, etc.), and will be there for him whenever he needs me kahit hiwalay na kami ng tinitirhan.

sayang you sound like a good dad pa naman. kung sayo sana yun eh.

alam mo NAAAAAAAAAAAPAKASWERTE nung nakaisa sa girlfriend mo! biru mo he got to spawn his genes for free!!!
whatta guy!!!

[Bigot3AtBalbas]

Parang movie ah

Panoorin mo na lang ito: Chaos Theory starring Ryan Raynolds

[hathaway]

You're really in a difficult situation. Your love for her son is so extraordinary but I think everything boils down to how much you're willing to forgive your girlfriend.

Wala naman kasalanan yung bata pero i think it's better give yourself some time alone to think things over for now. Don't just think of the child's welfare but most importantly start caring for yourself.

Until such time na mapatawad mo na yung girlfriend mo saka ka na lang makipag meet up with the kid or sustain yung responsiblities of being his dad if you really insist. Kasi once you see that boy hindi mo maiiwasanag maisip that he belongs to someone else.

Kaya mo yan!

[sophion]

Seriously, Hurting Dad, ito maipapayo ko.

* If you are a fully functional male capable of impregnating women, then I suggest you cut all ties with your cheating partner & her son and go find a faithful woman who would bear your children.

* If you are baog, count your girlfriend's son as a blessing. Forgive your partner and devote your life to your step son.

[jazzmine22]

Sana lang he would realize that it takes more than a few strands of DNA to be a father.

.

Na teary eyed naman ako sa sinabi mong to, totoo naman kasi diba, madaling maging Ama, mahirap ang maging mabuting Tatay.

Kudos to you TS, kahit nalaman mo ng hindi sayo, hindi nawala ang pagmamahal mo, hindi mo kinasuklaman yung bata, dahil wala naman talaga siyang kasalanan sa ginawa ng nanay niya.

Kung gusto mo talagang suportahan yung bata, at mahalin pa din, well and good, at sana nga, sa paglaki niya, ma appreciate niya ang mga ginagawa mo for him, kahit hindi ikaw ang ka dugo niya.

As for the mom, I don't think kaya ko siyang patawarin if ever ako nasa katayuan mo, so I don't expect na kaya mo din, hindi biro ang ginawa niya sayo, niloko ka niya, at ginawang ta-nga.

Sana makahanap ka ng babaeng mamahalin ka gaya ng pagmamahal mo, yung iyo lang, pati ang mga magiging anak ninyo. It's not too late to find that someone, life is short, go find your happiness.

[jazzmine22]

E di palayasin mo siya! Linoko ka, e....

--
my_2_cents

magpapayo, hindi naman nagbabasa JT, FYI, umalis na yung mag-ina, nagiisa na ulit si TS, kakainis

[nntndds]

Malay mO sayo yung bata, ipa-dna mo muna

[lovejones]

alam mo maganda? reconcile with your partner and make her pregnant.

tapos, after 5 years, break the news to your partner that the baby is not hers.

if she laughs and tells you "but i gave birth to the baby", tell her that you were thinking of another woman when you did the act leading to the baby's conception.

if she laughs again and tells you that you've lost your mind, look in her in the eye and tell her softly "i may be crazy but the baby is christine reyes's"

then stick your tongue out and bark like a dog.

'yan ang revenge.

seriously though, try to move on and live your life. eventually, you'll meet the right woman.

as for the kid, since mahal mo naman siya, ask for joint custody. remember, walang kinalaman ang batang 'yan sa katarantaduhan na ginawa nung nanay niya. he may not be your biological son but he looks up to you as his dad. it would be sad if you break his heart all because of his slut of a mom.

[doombot]

alam mo maganda? reconcile with your partner and make her pregnant.

tapos, after 5 years, break the news to your partner that the baby is not hers.

if she laughs and tells you "but i gave birth to the baby", tell her that you were thinking of another woman when you did the act leading to the baby's conception.

if she laughs again and tells you that you've lost your mind, look in her in the eye and tell her softly "i may be crazy but the baby is christine reyes's"

then stick your tongue out and bark like a dog.

'yan ang revenge.

seriously though, try to move on and live your life. eventually, you'll meet the right woman.

as for the kid, since mahal mo naman siya, ask for joint custody. remember, walang kinalaman ang batang 'yan sa katarantaduhan na ginawa nung nanay niya. he may not be your biological son but he looks up to you as his dad. it would be sad if you break his heart all because of his slut of a mom.

nyahahaha winner post

this post is worth considering mr TS

pero kawawa naman yung bata

[invi]

Aww, my heart bled for you ts

Forgiveness is a great healer. Yes I know it's hard to forgive now, but work through the steps towards forgiveness. You will never move on with anger still in your heart.

No matter what anyone says here, you will always do what you want to do. But if you take her back, just remember it doesn't mean she's changed. It means you've forgiven her, and you are open to the possibility of getting hurt again -- just ask yourself if she's worth the pain.