Never thought I would be asking advise from any forum...much less PEx.
It's been a week since I found out that the child I thought was mine was the fruit of my long-time girlfriend's moment of weakness with another man
Worse is, it happened right under my nose since we were already living-in together for 5-years at that time. The guy was a former H.S. suitor na nagkataong nasa same line of business as the business she was handling at that time (2006).
She kept everything a secret from me all these years until last week. She decided to come clean on a time when I was looking at the three of us moving into a better place/home. She just can't bear na daw that I continue sacrificing for her and her son. She loves me daw that she's giving me the freedom from my responsibilities sa kanila. She just can't live with herself and the lie that she's been keeping all these years anymore. She also wouldn't want that I hear about it from other pa if ever.
Now, am so lost. Six years of my life was a lie!
I am on auto-pilot now and currently living on my own, while she and my son went back to live with her parents. More than a week na and I still don't know how to move forward. I cried and prayed and cried some more and got drunk and locked myself up sa kwarto but the answers just won't come fully.
One thing am very sure of is that I would want to remain as the Dad of my son (who I love to death). I will support him (his schooling, etc.), and will be there for him whenever he needs me kahit hiwalay na kami ng tinitirhan. And when that time comes that he asks if am his real Dad, I will tell him the truth and will not stop him from seeking out his real father. Sana lang he would realize that it takes more than a few strands of DNA to be a father.
As for his mom, hindi ko pa makapa yung nararamdaman ko for her. Am hurt and angry and sad, all at the same time. I feel like she manipulated everything and now, for some strange reason, natakot sya sa multong ginawa nya. We have been together since our 20s (am now 38). She cheated on me when we were already in our 30s. Am still in the denial stage and I don't know how long it takes before one crosses over to the acceptance stage. I am so lost as to how I want to move forward.
I love our family and the life we built together but am not sure if I can get past this. Can I get back the love I have for her as strongly as before? Will I always resent her for being so selfish and think about her kahihiyan and all? Natakot din kse daw sya na mawala ako since I have been her strength, her support all these years. I trusted her so much and I don't know if I can get to that level of trusting again.
If youíve read this far, salamat! Any comments will be appreciated. Just typing all these has helped (since I haven't talked to anyone about it yet), but it would really help to know how others have successfully gone through difficult, even though not similar, times like am going through right now.