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  1. #1

    Question ano pa ba dapat kong gawin para disiplinahin ang mga anak ko?

    i'm 28 and a mother of 3. i have 2boys (turning 4y/o, turning 3y/o) and 1girl (1y/o). my husband is abroad that's why i'm the only one who taking care of our children. problema ko yung 2boys ko dahil hindi ko na alam kung anong displina ang gagawin ko. napapagsabihan ko sila, napapalo, nakukurot, tinatakot na ikukulong or palalabasin ng bahay, face the wall with two hands up, etc pero parang walang effect sa kanila. at ang pinakaayaw ko pa e yung sumasagot-sagot na sila. kahit sino sumaway sa kanila (grandparents, uncles, aunties) e hindi talaga sila nakikinig. minsan tatawanan ka lang. that's their attitude at their young age. and i don't want them to be still like that when they get older. sobrang nahihirapan ako kasi di ko na alam kung anong gagawin para maging mabait man lang sila. sila yung super hyper na mga bata. sobrang malilikot, makulit, matigas ang ulo, etc.

    please do help me... it will be a big help for me of any idea, advice or suggestion that you will give... thanks a lot. God bless!

  2. #2
    una,take a deep breath.mas maliwanag ang isip natin pag relax tayo.

    before anything else,you are parent,the only parent so you are in charge. kahit anong gawin o sabihin mo it should be with full authority.donot ever,ever second guess yourself.

    let us start your day,talk to the kids pleasantly but with expectation of respectful response like "good morning kids,how do you want your eggs?" something to that effect.you hug them,greet them and they are having healthy breakfast.

    pagkatapos kumain,ask them to pick up their plates to the sink. ang style kong mag utos "can you do me a huge favor,please bring the dishes to the sink?" pag ginawa nila,give them a big smile and appreciate them like "what will i do without you!" kids like their parents fun and silly sometimes.
    hanggang ngayon my kids are big but i can still ask them to do things for me.

    appreciate every little good things they do.you will see a difference in few days pag lagi mo itong ginagawa.

    misbehavin.
    know your battle.sa akin,any talk back is not acceptable.pag may narinig akong di ko gusto lagi kong sagot "did i hear right what you just said?" with strong tone but not angry.pag walang talab yan, tingnan mo sa mukha,eye to eye at sabihin mo na mali ang ginawa nila.

    punishment,
    i dont spank.i take away privilege and i am serious about it.i dont back down,i dont give in and i dont change my mind.
    pag sinabi kong walang tv for 2 days,kahit magunaw mundo talagang walang pwedeng magbukas ng tv.pag may nag on,magiging 3 days ang parusa nila.

    i say i am sorry if i know i am wrong and i expect it from them.
    be vocal what you expect from them and act as you mean it.

  3. #3
    http://deadspin.com/5875779/9-things...ents-anonymous

    9 Things I Learned In The Parent Encouragement Program, AKA ****** Parents Anonymous

    The Parent Encouragement Program is a series of classes and workshops that are available to parents living in the D.C. area. The introductory class is free, and so I went a couple of weeks ago, because it didn't cost anything and because I need all the help I can get. The title of the workshop was "Why Don't My Kids Listen To Me?" On that premise alone, I'd say roughly three billion people could have stood to attend. I grabbed a pen and a big legal pad for taking notes, and I went to go learn how to not be a terrible father.

    The class I went to was located on the third floor of a nearby church. It was the kind of multipurpose church room that would be perfect for an AA meeting. This was fitting, because I felt like I was attending a meeting of ****** Parents Anonymous and not some night class for supposedly normal people. Our teacher was a very perky 40-year-old woman, who readily admitted that she was a teacher in the program because it helped her remember all of the **** that she was supposed to do in order to be a good parent. Her kids were all teenagers and she still had issues dealing with them. I found this fact completely deflating. Here was someone who was GOOD at parenting, and she still felt compelled to go to classes and still had kids with terrific ******* potential.

    The class started with a bit of role-playing, with people from the audience reading from a scripted exchange between a child and a parent. They demonstrated three different techniques of parenting: Authoritarian Parenting (Bob Knight-types who yell at their kids and whip them with hickory switches), Permissive Parenting (hippie ******* parents who let their kids do whatever the **** they want), and Democratic Parenting (the right kind of parent, who establishes firm boundaries for their child and gives them a certain amount of freedom within those boundaries). The aim was to teach us how to be Democratic Parents. I was more than willing to learn. I have yelled at my kid. I have given my kid timeouts. I even tried spanking my kid a few times, which was mortifying. All of it failed, and all of it made the problem worse.

    So the purpose of this class was to find the happy medium, that place where you say the EXACT RIGHT THING in order for your child to do what you want him or her to do. Talking to your kids is like perfecting a golf swing. You have to get the technique just right, otherwise everything goes to ****. And whenever you pick up new techniques, you have to remember them all simultaneously and execute them correctly in a single instance. This is ****ing annoying. Kids shouldn't work that way. Evolution should have knocked some of the snotty ******** out of them. But nooooooo. No, asking them to do something doesn't work. You have to CRAFT what you're going to say. You have to offer creative solutions to problems, which is ****ing exhausting.

    So the lecture began and immediately people started asking questions. And the teacher was remarkably patient, given that virtually all the questions were specific to that parent's one kid and had no universal application. One lady droned on and on about how she was separated from her husband and that the husband bought her kid too many toys. *****, TELL YOUR DIVORCE LAWYER. You're ruining the learning process for the rest of us. Another lady said her husband was too much of a pushover for their kids WHILE THE DUDE WAS SEATED RIGHT NEXT TO HER. She just threw his *** under the bus in front of 50 total strangers. I wanted to buy the guy a soda.

    But eventually, we were given some legitimately good advice as to how to handle these little ****ers. Here now are some of the more basic techniques of Democratic Parenting (I also like to call it Huxtable Parenting):

    Never repeat yourself.
    The second you repeat yourself, you're dead. The kid will just be like, "Hey, I can just sit here and dad will say the same **** over and over again. COOL." Kids think this way because they're evil. Say it once. If the kids don't act, take them by the hand and guide them to their task. This piece of advice caused me to ask a question:

    ME: What if your kid is naked on the floor and screaming her ****ing head off and you literally can't take her by the hand and guide her to the sink to brush her teeth?

    TEACHER: Just avert your gaze, hold out your hand, and stand there until she knows you aren't interested in her B.S.

    I tried this later in the evening. Totally worked. IT'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN.

    No drive-by parenting
    You have to get down face-to-face with your kids to ask them to do ****. You can't stand at the bottom of the stairs and yell at them to stop fisting the dog. They won't give a crap. Dog-fisting is too much fun.

    Talk to your kids as if they're normal human beings.
    None of this, "You need a wowwipop" stuff. The idea is that if you treat them as mature adults and talk to them with respect, they will reciprocate. I wanted to bring up Norv Turner as a counterpoint to this, but we were short on time.

    Accept that your children are going to do annoying ****.
    We were told there was a list out there that detailed typical behaviors for children based upon their age. Two-year-olds will throw things. Five-year-olds will break things. There are certain annoying facets of children that are simply the cost of doing business, and accepting that makes it a little bit easier to tolerate it when your kid is spitting in your goddamn ear.

    Never do for a kid what a kid can do for him or herself.
    This was the big one. Sometimes, your kids will stand there for eight hours before they brush their teeth and you're just like **** IT, and you grab the brush and assault their mouth because it's EASIER to do things for them. But once you do that, they'll never do anything for themselves. You have to have Herculean patience to let them figure those things out, and then that problem is solved for the long term.

    Never chase a kid.
    IT'S A TRAP! THEY LIKE BEING CHASED!

    Never get locked into a power struggle.
    If you say to your kid, "Hey, eat your dinner," and the kid is like , "No," and you're like, "You're grounded if you don't," and the kid still says no, you've basically signed yourself up for a full night of SUCK. Because now you're in a power struggle with a kid, and you won't want to lose because you won't want them thinking you're a *****, and they won't want to lose because, hey, what's an hour wasted to them? NOTHING. Kids were born to waste time. They have nothing better to do. May as well ruin your **** while they're waiting to become drinking age. If the kid doesn't eat dinner, the kid doesn't eat.

    Never ask "OK?" at the end of a request.
    You have to explain what needs to be done. For example, if you say, "Hey, your shoes are still on the floor," the kid is more likely to put the shoes away than if you say, "Hey ********, put your shoes away, OK?" I got home from this class and I was shocked at how many times I said "OK?" at the end of something. Even when I was actively trying to prevent myself from saying it, I still did anyway. It's like a goddamn tic. The best way to get kids to do something is to present them with a problem that they can help solve.

    The only person you really have any control over is yourself.
    That's pretty much the beginning and end of this. There's only so much you can control with your kids, and it's best to praise them when they do what you want instead of berating them for the times when they fail to act. You're never gonna get them to do everything you want at all times. They aren't programmed that way (even though they ought to be). You have to learn to tolerate some of their ********, and then be firm and friendly in the face of extraordinary rebellion. It isn't easy, and I'm probably gonna have to take a lot more classes just to fail less. But trying is the most important part. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go tell my kid to stop throwing baseballs at the TV set.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by kim G View Post
    una,take a deep breath.mas maliwanag ang isip natin pag relax tayo.

    before anything else,you are parent,the only parent so you are in charge. kahit anong gawin o sabihin mo it should be with full authority.donot ever,ever second guess yourself.

    let us start your day,talk to the kids pleasantly but with expectation of respectful response like "good morning kids,how do you want your eggs?" something to that effect.you hug them,greet them and they are having healthy breakfast.

    pagkatapos kumain,ask them to pick up their plates to the sink. ang style kong mag utos "can you do me a huge favor,please bring the dishes to the sink?" pag ginawa nila,give them a big smile and appreciate them like "what will i do without you!" kids like their parents fun and silly sometimes.
    hanggang ngayon my kids are big but i can still ask them to do things for me.

    appreciate every little good things they do.you will see a difference in few days pag lagi mo itong ginagawa.

    misbehavin.
    know your battle.sa akin,any talk back is not acceptable.pag may narinig akong di ko gusto lagi kong sagot "did i hear right what you just said?" with strong tone but not angry.pag walang talab yan, tingnan mo sa mukha,eye to eye at sabihin mo na mali ang ginawa nila.

    punishment,
    i dont spank.i take away privilege and i am serious about it.i dont back down,i dont give in and i dont change my mind.
    pag sinabi kong walang tv for 2 days,kahit magunaw mundo talagang walang pwedeng magbukas ng tv.pag may nag on,magiging 3 days ang parusa nila.

    i say i am sorry if i know i am wrong and i expect it from them.
    be vocal what you expect from them and act as you mean it.
    sis this is so great. ihavent tried thid one yet kasi 1.5 yrs old pa lang baby ko pero pag medyo nakakaintindi na siya susubukan ko yan perp sobrang likot na rin at tigas ulo. pag may gamit siya na kinuha itatakbo nya sa pinaka corner ng bed na malayo, pag naman aabutin mo na ihahagis naman nya... hayysss... pasaway!


    napapalo ko na rin siya pag sobrang bad na at di talaga nakikinig. then magi-guilty naman ako then maiisip ko if spanking is not working then it might not be the solution pero pag talaga masakit na ulo ko at pagod minsan napapalo ko siya sa kamay...

  5. #5
    Spanking <> discipline.

    Gamitin ang search engine may thread dito tungkol sa discipline.

    --
    my_2_cents

  6. #6
    Hi Mommy83,

    check this article:
    http://babyparenting.about.com/od/di...ldren.htm?nl=1

    i hope it helps, gudluck to ur 3 little rascals

  7. #7
    same approach kay kim G bago mag-1yr old ang anak namin tuwing umaga sinasabihan ko siya ng "Good morning baby, i love you", ng matuto siya magsalita kahit utal utal eh sumasagot din siya ng "good morning mama papa, i love you mama papa", ngayong 3yr old na siya, siya na ang unang bumabati ng good morning sa amin. ang baby bago mag-1yr old lahat ng madampot ibabato, mahagip ng kamay hahatawin, nun pa lang sinabi ko na sa anak ko na "baby bad yun, wag mo gagawin" paulit ulit lang, ngayong 3yr old na siya alam na alam niya na masama ang manghataw at manigaw. kapag may gusto siya at hindi ko pwede ibigay, itatanong lang niya sa akin kung kailan pwede, sasagot siya na "ang tagal naman nun mama" tapos iiyak, pero hindi siya magmamaktol at magdadabog. hindi namin ipinaparinig at ipinakita sa kanya na nagaaway kami magasawa, kapag nakita niya na may nagaaway sa paligid niya malamang lalaki siyang bayolente...sa kaso mo ts, 4y/o at 3y/o na ang mga anak mong lalaki, hindi pa huli para ipaliwanag mo sa kanila na mali ang sumasagot sa parents, huwag mo silang takutin, may posibilidad na lumayo ang loob nila sayo, lalaki silang puro takot ang nararamdaman sayo. lambing ang katapat ng mga bata, lalo na ang paglalambing galing sa nanay. paulit ulit mo lang sila kausapin, pasasaan ba at maiintindihan din nila ang mga pangaral mo

  8. #8
    gabby's mom,
    well thank you!
    parenting is hit and miss and a lot of intuition and tons and tons of love.
    sinasabi mo hinahagis ng baby mo ang stuff,try you do it before the baby.ihagis mo bago nya gawin and see what the baby will do.

    one thing i know is kids know how to manipulate their parents and we are so in love with them that we dont realize it.

    tiara 18,
    you are right,kids act what they see.they mimic their parents and caregiver.
    one rule of parenting is consistency.it shows the kids you mean business.if i said yes,i mean yes and no is no
    if my kids grow up to be productive contributors of mankind,i did my job well.

  9. #9
    Kids are like sponges, they can absorb easily what they see. I find that Toddlers stage is the most fun a mom can have with their kids. Observe and assess their behavior how they respond to you when you get mad and when you respond to them in a loving way.

    There is no book nor set formula on how raise and to discipline kids. The only key element here is Love & be Consistent mean it . Once you give in when you already said no... then you yourself broke your own rule and thats how kids learn how to manipulate their parents.. kids are very smart even the babies ... they know what strings to pull .... i agree with what Kim G. said.

    Remember you can talk to them and you can compromise with them too.... it'll be fun... Good Luck & enjoy !! mommy83

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by my_2_cents View Post
    Spanking <> discipline.

    Gamitin ang search engine may thread dito tungkol sa discipline.

    --
    my_2_cents
    Mejo mainit init pa yang topic na tinutukoy mo amigo (spanking thread). Ganda ren na palitan ng kuro kuro

  11. #11



    pano mo kaya i'di2cpline kapag ganyan ang anak mo?
    bata pa lang ganyan na.. pano pa kaya pag'lumaki na!


    web design

  12. #12
    mommy83 meron ba syang mga kalaro ?? tanong lang kc base sa experience ko sa pamankin ko lahat ng bagay kc pinapaliwanag namin sa kanya kung bakit mali ginagawa nya,pero minsan talaga hindi natin maiiwasan hindi mapalo pero inieexplain ko naman bakit ko sya napalo tpos okey na kame mabait naman sya sadya talaga lahat ng ngkikita nya naaadapt nya, eh yung iba bata dito sa paligid namin naiimpluwensyahan sya nakikita nya sumasagot sagot o medyo salbahe at d kaya sawayin parang nagagaya nya yun . parang everytime na sinasabi ko wag nya gagayahin na oopo naman sya kaso pag nkakalaro na nya nauulit , kaya natanong ko kung may mga kalaro ba sya na tingin mo ganun?





    edit : hindi pala "medyo salbahe" sobrang salbahe pala hehe ..

  13. #13
    festekah
    wala po silang kalaro. usually, silang dalawa lang mag-kuya ang magkalaro. lumalabas sila ng bahay para maglaro pero sa loob lang ng gate. wala naman kasi masyadong mga bata dito sa neighbor namin. may ibang kalaro lang sila kapag andito pinsan nila.

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by festekah View Post
    pero minsan talaga hindi natin maiiwasan hindi mapalo pero inieexplain ko naman bakit ko sya napalo tpos okey na kame mabait naman sya sadya talaga lahat ng ngkikita nya naaadapt nya
    EMOTIONAL SCARRING in progress....

    --
    my_2_cents

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by my_2_cents View Post
    EMOTIONAL SCARRING in progress....

    --
    my_2_cents


    napalo lang emotional scarring na? buti pa kung sinabi ko ginugulpi ko araw araw pg ngkakamali .. haha ipokrita ka naman kapag hindi mo sinabi kahit minsan d mo napagbuhatan ng kamay ang anak/pamankin o kung sino man inaalagaan unless yaya ka un talaga wala ka karapatan manakit sa sobrang mong inis .. minsan kelangan yun para matuto sila .. iba iba tayo ng pagpapalaki pero sabihin mo emotional scarring baka po mapahiya ka pag nakausap mo pamankin ko? 3 years old lang sya kaya nya na maglipit na laruan nya in order pa at mgligpit ng pingkainan at very sweet at napaka loving , nahahawa lang sa mga kalaro at mga nakikita nya.. ang OA ah

    sa pilipinas natural na minsan napapalo ang mga anak. ewan ko lang kung asan lupalop ka ng mundo but i dont care ..

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Mommy83 View Post
    festekah
    wala po silang kalaro. usually, silang dalawa lang mag-kuya ang magkalaro. lumalabas sila ng bahay para maglaro pero sa loob lang ng gate. wala naman kasi masyadong mga bata dito sa neighbor namin. may ibang kalaro lang sila kapag andito pinsan nila.





    ah baka po dala lang talaga ng kabataan nila .. iba na po kc mga bata talaga ngayon hindit tulad natin dati pag sinaway susunod agad .. tingin ko din ganyang edad talaga katigasan at kakulitan ng mga bata kahit pamankin ko 3 years old sobrang kulet hindi kaya ng pakiusap kaya minsan yun nga napapalo ko o kaya hinahayaan nalang namin sya like pag takbo ng takbo tpos nadapa edi ayun tatahimik na .. sa tingin ko kc ganyang age sila sobrang gusto mg explore .. eto ngang last hindi maawat pumunta sa kamaganak namin eh may aso dun naiisip namin baka makagat sya ayun tumigil na kasi muntik na talaga sya makagat nung aso ngayon hindi na sya napunta nagkusa naman sya haha

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by festekah View Post
    napalo lang emotional scarring na? buti pa kung sinabi ko ginugulpi ko araw araw pg ngkakamali .. haha ipokrita ka naman kapag hindi mo sinabi kahit minsan d mo napagbuhatan ng kamay ang anak/pamankin o kung sino man inaalagaan unless yaya ka un talaga wala ka karapatan manakit sa sobrang mong inis .. minsan kelangan yun para matuto sila .. iba iba tayo ng pagpapalaki pero sabihin mo emotional scarring baka po mapahiya ka pag nakausap mo pamankin ko? 3 years old lang sya kaya nya na maglipit na laruan nya in order pa at mgligpit ng pingkainan at very sweet at napaka loving , nahahawa lang sa mga kalaro at mga nakikita nya.. ang OA ah

    sa pilipinas natural na minsan napapalo ang mga anak. ewan ko lang kung asan lupalop ka ng mundo but i dont care ..
    I-research mo iyong Positive Parenting Program para matuklasan mo na UNNECESSARY ang pamamalo dahil nagbibigay ito ng EMOTIONAL SCARRING ng dadalhin ng tao habang panahon.

    Common sense lang naman: bakit mo sasaktan ang sarili mong kadugo?

    --
    my_2_cents

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by my_2_cents View Post
    I-research mo iyong Positive Parenting Program para matuklasan mo na UNNECESSARY ang pamamalo dahil nagbibigay ito ng EMOTIONAL SCARRING ng dadalhin ng tao habang panahon.

    Common sense lang naman: bakit mo sasaktan ang sarili mong kadugo?

    --
    my_2_cents

    common sense din manong yang sinasabi mong emotional scarring mo malamang may ibat ibang level para matawag na emotional scarring ang ginagawa mo sa isang bata .. kung ginagawa mong hobby ang pananakit sa kadugo mo maaaring magkaron ng emotional scarring ito sa bata pero kung minsan lang at hindi naman OA tulad ng pagiisip mo hindi naman ito nakakapekto sa bata, palo sa kamay o sa p wet emotional scarring na napakaOA naman nun buti ba kung binubugbug ko at buti ba kung wala ko ginawa kundi pamamalo lang everytime ngkakamali siya kung si ate mommy83 nga napapalo nya din anak nya. ibig mo bang sabihin lahat ng batang nakaranasan ng mapalo nagkakaron ng ganyan ? kung tutuusin kahit magsurvey ka pa kadalasan sa magulang kahit hindi nila gusto nasasaktan o napapalo anak nila d nila maiwasan dahil sa inis nila ..unless ipagmamalaki mo nasa ibang bansa ka at walang ganyan jan hindi ko na yun problema . kung ipipilit mo yang emotional scaring mo bahala ka .. sakin ay wala yun matanda ka na kung yang trip mo bahala ka marunong ako gumalang sa matatanda

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by festekah View Post
    ibig mo bang sabihin lahat ng batang nakaranasan ng mapalo nagkakaron ng ganyan ?
    Hindi lahat ng pinapalo ay magkakaroon ng emotional scarring. Hindi lahat ng chain smoker ay magkaka-cancer. Hindi lahat ng naglalaro ng Russian roulette ay mamamatay.

    Subali't bakit mo I-RISK magkaroon ng emotional scarring ang sarili mong dugo't balat? Hindi mo ba kayang tanggapin na MAY MAS MAHUSAY NA PARAAN sa pagdisiplina sa mga bata?

    Quote Originally Posted by festekah View Post
    kung tutuusin kahit magsurvey ka pa kadalasan sa magulang kahit hindi nila gusto nasasaktan o napapalo anak nila d nila maiwasan dahil sa inis nila
    Inis -> palo = MALING-MALI. Ang isang bagay na laganap ay hindi nagiging tama.

    Kung ikaw asawa mo nainis sa iyo dahil may mali kang ginawa at sinampal ka, AYOS LANG SA IYO? Kung hindi ayos, bakit ayos lang paluin ang anak mo? Mayroon kang DOUBLE STANDARDS?

    FYI, marami nang bansa ang PINAGBABAWAL NG BATAS ang pamamalo ng mga bata. Tawag diyan ay CHILD ABUSE.

    --
    my_2_cents

  20. Mar 8, 2012, 02:05 AM

  21. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by my_2_cents View Post
    Hindi lahat ng pinapalo ay magkakaroon ng emotional scarring. Hindi lahat ng chain smoker ay magkaka-cancer. Hindi lahat ng naglalaro ng Russian roulette ay mamamatay.

    Subali't bakit mo I-RISK magkaroon ng emotional scarring ang sarili mong dugo't balat? Hindi mo ba kayang tanggapin na MAY MAS MAHUSAY NA PARAAN sa pagdisiplina sa mga bata?



    I
    my_2_cents

    well ikaw na ngsabi na hindi lahat ng pinapalo magkakaroon ng emotional scaring ... then wala ka sa position para sabihin na emotional scaring ang ginagawa ko dahil kung babasahin mo ang sinabi ko, ang sabi ko "minsan" siguro naman alam mo ang pgkakaiba ng minsan madalas at palagi . at FYI alam ko ginagawa ko bakit ako ggawa ng ikasasama ng mga mahal ko hindi man ako matalino o ngttalitalinuhan alam ko kung anu makakabuti sa pamankin o o hindi at hindi din ako ta nga para i risk sya sa ganung level, oa ka lang mgreact nasabi lang napapalo minsan ganun gaad reaction . haha




    ang topic kc dito nghihingi ng advice si mommy83 kung anu dapat nya gawin . bakit kaya hindi ka magbigay ng advice sa kanya na pede nyang gawin tutal sabi mo nga MAY MAS MAHUSAY NA PARAAN .. edi share mo yang MAS MAHUSAY MONG PARAAN para naman matulungan mo si mommy83. i think maappreciate nya yan

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