Eversince, I have always been ambitious. I wanted lots of things to happen to me. I wanted to become rich and famous, idolized and exalted. And I ended up frustrated - repeatedly. And I realized later in life why my dreams have always been elusive - I simply had the wrong intentions, the wrong vision, the wrong dream.
I got in to a prestigious university, didn't really care about finishing it, flunked math17, stopped school, transfered to another prestigious university, did get good grades (a dean's lister, in fact), didn't feel it was right, was quick to make decisions without thinking it over twice, stopped school, tried another university, took everything for granted, was thought of as a hoodlum with no future, got discouraged easily, didn't think well of relatives, messed up again in life - I got tired of the cycle.
I had to work. Not because I wanted to, but I was compelled to if I am to survive, to eat three times a day. Four years passed. My dad passed away. My mom is brittled by the years of hardships. My siblings all struggled, amidst all storms - and literally with the recent tropical storm Sendong. And I - still the dreamer, but has been shaped differently over the course of ups-and-downs real-world wear-and-tear experience. And I am humbled.
December 2011 was about to end, ushering in January 2012. I suddenly woke up with a lot of doors opening for me. I was again humbled. I had drowned myself into thinking, into believing, and into making it a business that I will never get myself anywhere but in the same mud pit I had created for myself.
God is really good! But I can say these doors didn't open simply because I asked for these. I believe these doors opened for me because I asked for Him to help me become a better person.
One of the doors that opened was the chance to finish a college degree. And this time, I will work hard for it. I will not take it for granted. I will make it my business. Not in a worldy and materialistic persuance. I will instead use this chance to show how good H is, even to a massive failure like me. Never have I been more determined, more fuelled, and more fired up to achieve. And I fervently pray for Him to work His ways in me.
He has prepared the way for me, and I have been feeling it numerous times since the start of this year. He really is the only Hope.
I will be submitting my application prior to February 13. And I am praying that He be my guide during the entrance exam this coming February 19.
And I will abide to His decisions - for He has humbled me.
PS: Sorry for the lengthy post. I am just overwhelmed with how things are going. The admissions office has been very supportive and the least I wanted to do is to disappoint them. So I'll study and work hard, and show them gratitude.