My wife cheated on me....

[maytimaws]

TS,

Want to share something.

You've made your decision. You've taken her back despite the things that happened between the two of you. You also decided that the marriage is worth saving. You've also acknowledge your shortcomings.

You mentioned in your previous post that one of your dilemma is how to handle the pain. People told you that one of the worse things that may happen after this event is the after-thought of those past activities of your wife and keeping it back during your future quarrels.

I assume this already came into your mind when you made your decision. I am grateful that you are man enough to accept your mistakes and made the yet "biggest" decision of your life by taking her back.

I also assume that your decision have made you "accepted" that those things happened and it's already in the past. I assume you are well-guided by your wisdom that mistakes really happen and responsibility comes with it. Who's responsibility? The doer has the responsibility to correct it, live with the correction, and be responsible to bring back the "agreement". The offended party? Responsibility comes with forgiveness, not necessarily forgetting because that's impossible. But not forgetting it not necessarily mean making it an ammo to your future battles. Remember that once you respond to that mistake, understanding is a must.

How to handle the pain? Love will conquer all. It's high time you assess your emotional attachment to your wife, your commitment to it and your responsibility to achieve your common goals.

One DJ always say "Hurt people do not move on, they just get used to the pain." I may agree, I may not. But time really is a good catalyst in medicating your hurt heart.

One friend says "Sadness is just a state of mind, not a state of heart. For heart is only filled with love, never anger nor hatred."

One lifetime is not enough for us to suffer. So, would you spend the next 40 years of your life guarding your thoughts, checking your movements, letting problems occupy your mind?

Deciding is one thing, acting on your decision is another.

Remember that you can only decide for your self, what ever your decision may be. Your wife's decision is one thing you can't control.

I suggest one thing: come into another agreement, like what vows are for in marriage. If one breaks that agreement, that's another story.

[masteruten]

Hindi masaya ang diyos sa mga naghihiwalay na pamilya, ang layunin nya ay maging buo lalo na sa may mga anak. Pero alam nya kung ganon kasakit lalo na sa lalake ang lokohin ng asawang babae kaya may provision na makipaghiwalay ( ganon din sa babae ) na sa ganitong situasyon, pero take note: mas gusto pa rin nya mag ayos
ang pamilya at magpatawaran, gawing halimbawa ang kaso ni hagar na ilang beses nagkasala at pinatawad pa din. Ganito yan,
kung tayo hihingi sa Diyos ng tawad papano nya tayo papatawarin kung tayo mismo di nakapagpatawad ... kaya ang tanong sincere ba sa paghingi ng tawad ang misis mo ? kung sincere isipin mong tao lang din tayo at nagkakamali at nagkakasala *** iba ay di lang nabubunyag at sinisikreto na hanggang mamatay lalo na sa lalake tira lang tira pag walang nakakakita. Pangalawang bagay, kung di mo papatawirin mo misis mo mas magiging masaya ka ba lalo na kung mahal na mahal mo ito, at manghinayang bandang huli na di mo siya pinatawad ? i try mo din walang mawawala kung talagang magbabago .. pati na din ikaw mas magiiging lalong matibay kayo. Me time na mabuburyong ka pag naiisip mo *** mga ginagawa nila (araw araw) pero darating ang time na kakayanin mo na ito lalo na kung makikita mo talaga ang pagbabago din nya. Maayos mo sana ang pamilya wag kang bumigay ... wag mo din ipanguwento kahit kangino para walang masyadong damage pwede yan sa siguradong sigurado kang kaibigan pero bihira un he he he

my mistake di pala hagar, gomer pala asawa ni hoseas ...

[Insaniac]

get a gun and shoot yourself for being a loser

[masteruten]

get a gun and shoot yourself for being a loser

Bakit siya ? I'll shoot the ******* instead ...

[girltalker]

so sad to read your story.
God is good and just trust everything to Him, maaayos ninyo din yan. pray hard, it works

[tints97]

We are on the same boat, TS...

2 days ago, an unanimous person added me in FB, with my wife kissing somebody else passionately as a profile picture...

My wife's reaction? It was an old pix before we even met... Other photos on the other hand were cropped daw to look malicious???

FYI, im a comp sci graduate and lately a photography hoobyist..

Im still confused up to now, i dont know what to do....

I keep on thinking about our kids...

[mazda3]

@tints post the pics and we will judge if its cropped or now...

[jen_buga]

We are on the same boat, TS...

2 days ago, an unanimous person added me in FB, with my wife kissing somebody else passionately as a profile picture...

My wife's reaction? It was an old pix before we even met... Other photos on the other hand were cropped daw to look malicious???

FYI, im a comp sci graduate and lately a photography hoobyist..

Im still confused up to now, i dont know what to do....

I keep on thinking about our kids...

well unannimously added you di ba?hindi ka na ba nag isip na someone is playing loser here?tsk..tsk..maniwala ka nalang sa asawa mo kung wala ka namang pruweba para magduda

[kewlboi]

i have to side with adiposethoughts. her comments seem valid.

the vows of marriage clearly state:

for better or worse
for richer or poorer
in sickness and in health
till death do you part....

the vows does not define that a marriage must be perfect. since it is a union of human beings capable of mistakes, a marriage is bound to have its flaws. for better or for worse, both parties must make the marriage work. and when we say "for worse" this includes the greatest sin a married person can make... infidelity. just as God hates sin but loves sinners, a person can hate the act of infidelity but must do it out of love for the spouse. yes, the wife has wronged her husband. i am not supporting her nor am i encouraging that it is acceptable to commit adultery. i am encouraging forgiveness and building a stronger relationship. i always believed that when a relationship weakens or breaks up because of the third party, the third person should not be blamed but rather a deeper examination on the relationship should be made by asking questions like:

How did it turn out like this?
Have i been less romantic over the years?
Do i say the words "i love you" enough?
Do my actions show that i love her?
When was the last time when we had a real date?
When was the last time when i just looked into her eyes and felt love?
When was the last time when we both laughed at each other?


Adiposethoughts is right, if you keep on blaming your erring partner for everything without a deeper reflection on your own mistakes, the best you can achieve is a temporary truce but you are not strengthening your marriage. Without knowing and accepting your own mistakes, you are just tucking away your anger deep inside and when you can no longer hold on the the compressed anger and self-pity, you will eventually explode and break your marriage. I've seen this happen to my dad. He managed to reconcile my mom for the marriage sake and they never talked about it again. After two years, he left. He told us that for two years, he never had any peace of mind and he could no longer contain all the pent up feelings he had. Ten years after the break-up, my dad realized that my mom was great despite what she did and he wished that he truly forgave her. He wanted to get back with her but my mom moved on.


Your marriage is capable of healing and strengthening. It will take time, forgiveness, effort, understanding and reflection but I don't think it's impossible.

[4Wheeler]

We are on the same boat, TS...

2 days ago, an unanimous person added me in FB, with my wife kissing somebody else passionately as a profile picture...

My wife's reaction? It was an old pix before we even met... Other photos on the other hand were cropped daw to look malicious???

FYI, im a comp sci graduate and lately a photography hoobyist..

Im still confused up to now, i dont know what to do....

I keep on thinking about our kids...

If your wife said it's an old picture then believe her. Even if she is lying, at least she still wants to remain married to you and that's the reason she wants to lie about it.

The difference between your situation and the TS is, the TS's wife have already decided to get an annulment, marry her lover, have kids with him, and start a new family. She wants out. If she is given a choice right now between her husband or her lover, she'll pick her lover. I sympathize with the TS. He has to face the fact that her wife fell in love with someone else. What if he didn't caught her?

[masteruten]

i have to side with adiposethoughts. her comments seem valid.

the vows of marriage clearly state:

for better or worse
for richer or poorer
in sickness and in health
till death do you part....

the vows does not define that a marriage must be perfect. since it is a union of human beings capable of mistakes, a marriage is bound to have its flaws. for better or for worse, both parties must make the marriage work. and when we say "for worse" this includes the greatest sin a married person can make... infidelity. just as God hates sin but loves sinners, a person can hate the act of infidelity but must do it out of love for the spouse. yes, the wife has wronged her husband. i am not supporting her nor am i encouraging that it is acceptable to commit adultery. i am encouraging forgiveness and building a stronger relationship. i always believed that when a relationship weakens or breaks up because of the third party, the third person should not be blamed but rather a deeper examination on the relationship should be made by asking questions like:

How did it turn out like this?
Have i been less romantic over the years?
Do i say the words "i love you" enough?
Do my actions show that i love her?
When was the last time when we had a real date?
When was the last time when i just looked into her eyes and felt love?
When was the last time when we both laughed at each other?


Adiposethoughts is right, if you keep on blaming your erring partner for everything without a deeper reflection on your own mistakes, the best you can achieve is a temporary truce but you are not strengthening your marriage. Without knowing and accepting your own mistakes, you are just tucking away your anger deep inside and when you can no longer hold on the the compressed anger and self-pity, you will eventually explode and break your marriage. I've seen this happen to my dad. He managed to reconcile my mom for the marriage sake and they never talked about it again. After two years, he left. He told us that for two years, he never had any peace of mind and he could no longer contain all the pent up feelings he had. Ten years after the break-up, my dad realized that my mom was great despite what she did and he wished that he truly forgave her. He wanted to get back with her but my mom moved on.


Your marriage is capable of healing and strengthening. It will take time, forgiveness, effort, understanding and reflection but I don't think it's impossible.

Husay, pwede ka bang maging friend

[girltalker]

amen to kewlboi! very nice....

[m2bmaldita]

TS, you are so kind.. just continue praying...
the Lord will answer your prayers soon...
Wag mo na isipin kung ano pa yung ginawa nila, It will lead to anger..
Instead, ask yourself If you want to stay with her or let her go... or ask your wife if she still loves you. Kasi kung hindi na, kahit na anong hirap kalimutan yung ginawa nya, magagawa pa nya ulit yun.. paulit-ulit lang..

Mahirap yung pinagdadaanan mo, try to watch "unfaithful wife", it was one of my favorite movie, na di ko makalimutan..

[unggoypanget]

buti na lang pangit ang asawa ko. di na sya makakapagtaksil sa akin.

[masteruten]

buti na lang pangit ang asawa ko. di na sya makakapagtaksil sa akin.

Tama talaga si Andres E. --Kaya't para lumigaya ang iyong buhay
Humanap ka ng pangit at ibigin mong tunay
At kung hindi, sige ka puso mo'y mabibiyak
Mahiwalay man ang pangit hindi ka iiyak 'di ba?

[immortalscythe]

somehow, i can relate to your story bro. Im not yet married, but things happened during those times that i felt to settle down. I can feel you. Forgiveness is so easy since im also a christian, also I'm saying that forgetting is easy for me but everytime I think of how she betrayed me, I know for myself that I need to get angry with her. It just so happened that my love for her weighs more than my anger. Now we have separated ways, she's with her new and I'm still praying for my new one. Fear of being betrayed sometimes conquering me that's why even after almost a year, im still not into relationship.

Just pray for guidance. God is good and He wont turned you down especially during those times that you need Him most.

Btw, Im from VCF too. Nice to hear that bro. God Bless.

[immortalscythe]

How did it turn out like this?
Have i been less romantic over the years?
Do i say the words "i love you" enough?
Do my actions show that i love her?
When was the last time when we had a real date?
When was the last time when i just looked into her eyes and felt love?
When was the last time when we both laughed at each other?

these are my questions to myself after the breakup, I know for myself that my ex will not commit of having a third party if there's nothing wrong with our relationship. At the moment, Im still picking up the pieces of me and trying to decipher all the things Ive done wrong. Hopefully, things will be corrected on the next relationship.

@kewlboi -- amen brother. you got it right!

[paul080808]

Tama talaga si Andres E. --Kaya't para lumigaya ang iyong buhay
Humanap ka ng pangit at ibigin mong tunay
At kung hindi, sige ka puso mo'y mabibiyak
Mahiwalay man ang pangit hindi ka iiyak 'di ba?

si andres bonifacio.hahaha.

[Jameaux]

^

Andres E. Kaya Andres Enifacio, okay?

[kewlboi]

Husay, pwede ka bang maging friend

sure, no prob dude.

amen to kewlboi! very nice....

these are my questions to myself after the breakup, I know for myself that my ex will not commit of having a third party if there's nothing wrong with our relationship. At the moment, Im still picking up the pieces of me and trying to decipher all the things Ive done wrong. Hopefully, things will be corrected on the next relationship.

@kewlboi -- amen brother. you got it right!

thanks guys and gals... i dont know if ill be a good husband someday but i dont want to make the same mistakes my parents made. sometimes couples get too self-absorbed in work, financial problems, and taking care of the kids that you forget yourself and your relationship with your wife. you no longer see your wife as your girlfriend. you just see her as the mother of your kids, preparer of meals, budget manager, etc. but you forget that she is the love of your life. the woman who ten or twenty years ago you'd be willing to scale the highest mountain, dive the deepest sea and fight against the world just to win her heart. whenever you feel that the relationship is weakening, be crazy. do crazy stuff like:

1) have a 200 peso budget date
2) visit the place you first met and re-enact the lines or pick-up lines you gave
3) have a date where you had your first real date
4) tell her a joke, if it's good she laughs at the joke, if it's bad, she laughs at you. a sure win situation.
5) surprise her with a mini-gift and when she asks why, tell her its your 154th monthsary eversince she became your gf

romance is not a lot work especially if it comes from the heart. you just need to think of your feelings and act on it. the sillier you are, the more rewarding it is.