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  1. #1

    Ateneo / La Salle Jokes

    Di ko sure kung nagka-thread na na ganito. Anyway, sa mga taga-La Salle, joke lang naman 'to...walang personalan. Alam ko namang pag kayo na nag-kwento, kayo naman ang bida. Let me start...here goes...

    May nag-lu-lunch na taga-UP, Ateneo at La Salle...

    UP: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Putcha naman, Tuna sandwich na naman. Mga Pare, pag Tuna na naman sandwich ko buklas, papakamatay na ako!!!

    Ateneo: Looking at his sandwich baon,"Ano ba yan bros, Chicken sandwich na naman. If I get to have chicken sandwich tomorrow, I'll kill myself!!!

    La Salle: Looking at his sandwich baon, "**** man! Ham sandwich again!! Man, if I get another ham sandwich tomorrow, it's gonna be the end of me!!!

    The next day...

    UP: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Putcha naman! Tuna na naman!" Started running towards the top of the school bldg and jumped. Died.

    Ateneo: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Naman!!! Chicken again!" He darted towards a tree, climbed it and hanged himself. Died.

    La Salle: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Damn! Ham sandwich again!" Waited for a fast approaching car and ran in front of it. Died.

    The parents of the boys came and were eventually interviewed by the reporters.

    Reporter: So ma'am, ano po bang nangyari?

    UP Mom: "Kung alam ko lang na sawa na siya sa Tuna sandwich, iba na sana ginawa kong baon niya. Sana, buhay pa siya ngayon!"

    Ateneo Mom: "If I only knew that he was fed up with chicken sandwich, I would have given him something else and he'd still be alive today!"

    La Salle Mom: "Ewan ko ba kung bakit nagpakamatay yan! Siya naman gumagawa ng sandwich niya!"

  2. #2
    Sa Ateneo, madaling maka-pasok, mahirap namang mag-stay (dahil sa QPI).

    Sa UP, mahirap maka-pasok (dahil sa libu-libong nag-e-entrance exam), pero, madaling mag-stay.

    Sa DLSU, mahirap mag-park! (dahil sa limited parking sa Mcdo)

  3. #3
    This is quite old already but still never fails to amuse:

    ATENEO and DLSU Final Exams

    Have you ever wondered how you would have fared as either a LaSallite or an Atenean?
    Here's your chance to find out! Take either the La Salle Final Exams or the Ateneo Final Exams.
    Or take both and find out what makes each one tick.
    ATENEO de MANILA UNIVERSITY FINAL EXAMINATIONS

    Instructions:
    Read each question carefully.
    Answer all questions.
    Time Limit: 4 hours.
    Begin immediately.

    1. HISTORY
    Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

    2. MEDICINE
    You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of
    gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not
    suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15
    minutes.

    3. PUBLIC SPEAKING
    Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the
    classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language
    except Latin or Greek.

    4. BIOLOGY
    Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
    culture if this form of life had developed 500 million
    years earlier, with special attention to its probable
    effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your
    thesis.

    5. MUSIC
    Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with
    flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

    6. PSYCHOLOGY
    Based on you degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate
    the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and
    repressed frustrations of each of the following:

    Alexander of Aphrodisias
    Rameses II
    Gregory of Nicea
    Hammurabi.

    Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's
    work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to
    translate.

    7. SOCIOLOGY
    Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany
    the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your
    theory.

    8. MANAGEMENT SCIENCE
    Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why?
    Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial
    decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals,
    each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the
    communications interface and all necessary control programs.

    9. ENGINEERING
    The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
    placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an
    instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a
    hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take
    whatever action you feel is apropriate. Be prepared to
    justify your decisions.

    10. ECONOMICS
    Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.
    Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following
    areas:

    Cubism
    Donatist Controversy
    Wave Theory of Light

    Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize
    this method from all possible points of view. Point out the
    deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in you
    answer to the last question.

    11. POLITICAL SCIENCE
    There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start
    World War III. Report at length on its socio-political
    effects; if any.

    12. EPISTEMOLOGY
    Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of
    your position.

    13. PHYSICS
    Explain the nature of matter. Include in you answer an
    evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics
    on science.

    14. PHILOSOPHY
    Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its
    significance. Compare with the development of any kind of
    thought.

    15. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
    Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

    ***EXTRA CREDIT***
    Define the universe; give three examples.


    DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY FINAL EXAMS (Take Home)

    Time Limit: 3 Weeks

    1. What language is spoken in France?

    2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire
    with particular reference to architecture, literature, law
    and social conditions or give the first name of Pierre
    Trudeau?

    3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
    a. Build a bridge
    b. Sail the ocean
    c. lead an army or
    d. WRITE A PLAY

    4. What religion is the Pope?
    a. Jewish
    b. Catholic
    c. Hindu
    d. Polish
    e. Agnostic
    (check only one)

    5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

    6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the
    little hand is on the 5?

    7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

    8. What are people in America's far north called?
    a. Westerners
    b. Northerners
    c. Southerners

    9. Spell -- Bush, Carter, and Clinton
    BUSH: _ _ _ _
    CARTER: _ _ _ _ _ _
    CLINTON: _ _ _ _ _ _ _

    10. Six kings of England have been called George, last one
    being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

    11. Were does rain come from?
    a. Macy's
    b. 7-11
    c. Canada
    d. the sky

    12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of relativity?
    a. yes
    b. no
    c. maybe
    d. I don't know

    13. What are coat hangers used for?

    14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for
    what country?

    15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
    or spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

    16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

    17. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples
    do you have?

    18. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

    19. The DLSU tradition for excellence in education began
    when (approximately)?
    a. B.C.
    b. A.D.
    c. still waiting


    ***You must answer three or more questions
    in order to graduate Magna Cum Laude.***

  4. #4
    ^ Yup. I know that na but it really still amuses me. Haha!

  5. #5
    mas hi tech na ang mga jokes.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by malefootfetish4u View Post
    Di ko sure kung nagka-thread na na ganito. Anyway, sa mga taga-La Salle, joke lang naman 'to...walang personalan. Alam ko namang pag kayo na nag-kwento, kayo naman ang bida. Let me start...here goes...

    May nag-lu-lunch na taga-UP, Ateneo at La Salle...

    UP: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Putcha naman, Tuna sandwich na naman. Mga Pare, pag Tuna na naman sandwich ko buklas, papakamatay na ako!!!

    Ateneo: Looking at his sandwich baon,"Ano ba yan bros, Chicken sandwich na naman. If I get to have chicken sandwich tomorrow, I'll kill myself!!!

    La Salle: Looking at his sandwich baon, "**** man! Ham sandwich again!! Man, if I get another ham sandwich tomorrow, it's gonna be the end of me!!!

    The next day...

    UP: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Putcha naman! Tuna na naman!" Started running towards the top of the school bldg and jumped. Died.

    Ateneo: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Naman!!! Chicken again!" He darted towards a tree, climbed it and hanged himself. Died.

    La Salle: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Damn! Ham sandwich again!" Waited for a fast approaching car and ran in front of it. Died.

    The parents of the boys came and were eventually interviewed by the reporters.

    Reporter: So ma'am, ano po bang nangyari?

    UP Mom: "Kung alam ko lang na sawa na siya sa Tuna sandwich, iba na sana ginawa kong baon niya. Sana, buhay pa siya ngayon!"

    Ateneo Mom: "If I only knew that he was fed up with chicken sandwich, I would have given him something else and he'd still be alive today!"

    La Salle Mom: "Ewan ko ba kung bakit nagpakamatay yan! Siya naman gumagawa ng sandwich niya!"
    Thanks for reminding me of the sandwich joke. I think I first heard this from Orsem. It's one of my favorites.

  7. #7
    ^ cracked by a TnT?

  8. #8
    Yup. I'm sure I also shared it with my students. :P

  9. #9
    teka teka, the mirror joke... winner yun...

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by i_bleed_blue View Post
    teka teka, the mirror joke... winner yun...
    Ito yung "I think" di ba?

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by ubermensch View Post
    Ito yung "I think" di ba?
    yupyup! hehehe

  12. #12
    mirror ba to or yung toilet joke na magflush hahahahha )

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by strandedstranger View Post
    mirror ba to or yung toilet joke na magflush hahahahha )
    ang alam ko *** mirror na nangangain ng sinungaling eh

  14. #14

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by malefootfetish4u View Post
    ^ Kwento naman dyan...hehehe!
    ok here it goes... di ko maalala yung exact joke so i'm making up stuff as i go...

    so may 3 students, isang taga-UP, isang atenean, isang lasalista...

    humarap sila sa salamin na nangangain ng sinungaling...

    humarap yung taga-UP:

    "i think i'm dumb"

    tapos kinain siya nung salamin...

    humarap yung atenean:

    "i think i'm humble"

    tapos kinain din siya nung salamin...

    humarap yung lasalista:

    "i think-"

    kinain siya agad nung salamin

  16. #16
    ^Hahaha! Oo nga! Naalala ko na yang joke na yan! Hahahaha! Thanks for reminding me bro!

  17. #17
    Bumping this thread up, hoping for more joke contributions.

    I used to know more. Now I can only remember the liar-mirror joke and the suicide-sandwich joke.

  18. #18
    La Sallite AKO (Ateneo Kicked Out).

    Among the younger members in the family, this is mean & accurate all at once. Perversely funny only because of the permutations that follow. ("Ako'y hindi AKO", "Ika'y hindi AKO", "AKO ang magwawagi" etc.)

  19. #19
    Eto ata yun o


    Simultaneous golf tournaments were held in the same country club by Ateneo and La Salle students. Consequently, they had to share the same rest rooms.

    An Atenean and a La Sallite happened to use the rest room at the same time. As the Atenean was leaving, the La Sallite talked to him.

    La Sallite: You're an Atenean, aren't you?

    Atenean: Why, yes. How did you know?

    La Sallite: Well, you did not wash your hands. We were taught early in school to wash our hands after peeing.

    Atenean: Yeah? Well, we were taught early in school not to pee on our hands.

  20. #20
    One Last Cry rasHiko_dHeNz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Asia's Latin City
    Quote Originally Posted by malefootfetish4u View Post
    Di ko sure kung nagka-thread na na ganito. Anyway, sa mga taga-La Salle, joke lang naman 'to...walang personalan. Alam ko namang pag kayo na nag-kwento, kayo naman ang bida. Let me start...here goes...

    May nag-lu-lunch na taga-UP, Ateneo at La Salle...

    UP: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Putcha naman, Tuna sandwich na naman. Mga Pare, pag Tuna na naman sandwich ko buklas, papakamatay na ako!!!

    Ateneo: Looking at his sandwich baon,"Ano ba yan bros, Chicken sandwich na naman. If I get to have chicken sandwich tomorrow, I'll kill myself!!!

    La Salle: Looking at his sandwich baon, "**** man! Ham sandwich again!! Man, if I get another ham sandwich tomorrow, it's gonna be the end of me!!!

    The next day...

    UP: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Putcha naman! Tuna na naman!" Started running towards the top of the school bldg and jumped. Died.

    Ateneo: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Naman!!! Chicken again!" He darted towards a tree, climbed it and hanged himself. Died.

    La Salle: Looking at his sandwich baon, "Damn! Ham sandwich again!" Waited for a fast approaching car and ran in front of it. Died.

    The parents of the boys came and were eventually interviewed by the reporters.

    Reporter: So ma'am, ano po bang nangyari?

    UP Mom: "Kung alam ko lang na sawa na siya sa Tuna sandwich, iba na sana ginawa kong baon niya. Sana, buhay pa siya ngayon!"

    Ateneo Mom: "If I only knew that he was fed up with chicken sandwich, I would have given him something else and he'd still be alive today!"

    La Salle Mom: "Ewan ko ba kung bakit nagpakamatay yan! Siya naman gumagawa ng sandwich niya!"
    This is classic!

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