My story. (true to life experience)

[maskedrider]

All that we have shared will live forever

[maskedrider]

Waking up with my head in a cloud watching the morning come
Another day of the week in a month, in a year, in a life that's come undone
I might as well quit trying to get you off my mind
I might as well quit hoping that this heart will heal in time

'Cause I can't burn a bridge that I'm still crossing
And I can't lose a past that I'm still lost in
I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start
But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

Everyday there's another attempt to convince myself you're gone
Every night there's a promise I make that tomorrow I'll move on
But there's a voice inside me that calls your name out loud
A part of me still hopes to see your face in every crowd

'Cause I can't burn a bridge that I'm still crossing
And I can't lose a past that I'm still lost in
I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start
But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start
But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

[malagungmae]

kahibangan ever, sobra namang pagmamahal yan..,,

[doombot]

Waking up with my head in a cloud watching the morning come
Another day of the week in a month, in a year, in a life that's come undone
I might as well quit trying to get you off my mind
I might as well quit hoping that this heart will heal in time

'Cause I can't burn a bridge that I'm still crossing
And I can't lose a past that I'm still lost in
I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start
But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

Everyday there's another attempt to convince myself you're gone
Every night there's a promise I make that tomorrow I'll move on
But there's a voice inside me that calls your name out loud
A part of me still hopes to see your face in every crowd

'Cause I can't burn a bridge that I'm still crossing
And I can't lose a past that I'm still lost in
I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start
But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start
But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

anu na nangyari nakita mo ba siya uli?

[maytimaws]

TS,

We can't have it all. But count your blessings. It's not everyday that a man would meet, befriend and come into a relationship with someone whom he'll bestow his heart and life for a woman.

You've had your days, and as you described it, those were some of the most memorable days of your life, yet. Live with it. Imagine it. Make those memories bring you happiness.

I personally don't believe to forget your past - it might be helpful in the future.

I remember when I got my first Atari console. I'll play Defender all the weekends. Then I lost it. Then I got my Nintendo and I'll sleep with it. I cried a river when I lost it too.

But one lesson I learned: even with the heartache my lost consoles gave me, I still linger on the times I was playing the Defender, the Mario 1, 2 and 3, the Green Beret and the Legend of Zelda.

When we mature and grow older, we won't remember names, we won't remember dates, we won't remember places.

But I'm sure we won't forget those feelings: first ride on a bus with her, first set of flowers you gave her, first time sleeping with her, first kiss, first quarrel.

TS, with your emotions overflowing your heart, it's understandable that forgetting her is the last thing on your mind now. Even after months of lost relationship. It's also understandable that all the things you'll be doing reminds it of her, even places you've been with her. It's understandable that after the anger in that event, and you'll realize that you still love her and would still accept her no matter what, you'll be waiting and waiting and waiting. We were told, Time heals.

But I would dwell on discipline and focus now. It's not the end of the world. Your lost relationship is not 100% of you. It's good that you are writing your feelings. It's a good outburst of emotion.

It wouldn't harm if you'll get a life support. Good friends who'll provide you with positive thoughts now. Walk away for a while with people whom you've heard 'Ang *****-***** mo naman!, "Marami pang ibang babaeng mas bagay sa'yo! "Forget about her! Inuman tayo!"

Do some therapies yourself too.

One friend who don't want to eat Vanilla Ice Cream because he was slapped by this Ice Cream by his wife started to taste it again by spoon. Then two spoons. Then with a cup, and so on and so forth. Until the time that what he can remember was the way he bought the last Vanilla Ice Cream - not the slapping of it by her ex wife.

You may write it. List down all the places you've been with this girl. Buy all the DVDs of the movies you've watched together. Memorize the lines. Until you've fallen in love with the characters. Not the person you've watched it with.

Don't look for love. Nature will do that for you.

Just keep your eyes and heart open. Brain controls your actions. It balances your emotions. Make use of it.

Don't let go of your feelings for her. Let the feelings let go of you.

[bus_rider]

The bus ride that night was something out of the ordinary, well how can it be ordinary when i had with me by my side someone special. It was indeed a special night.

It started with me waiting for her somewhere in Makati. I arrived at around past 7 in the evening, although our meet up time was at around 8. I guess you can say I was a bit excited but I also didn't want to be late, so I made sure to arrive early.

So there I was waiting for her, she actually arrived late than the agreed time but that was okay with me. FYI: this was my first EB and I wasn't actually sure on how to approach her.

My phone vibrated. A message from her. She said she was already at the meting area and she can't see me. But I was there, only not visible, was blocked by the people around but I saw her. The sight was the cutest sight I have ever seen.She was leaning/ somewhat sitting against the wall of a building(SC).

The newbie that I was at Eb's, I approached slowly, my heart beating fast , and I honestly thought my heart exploded when she turned my way. I didn't know what to say, was lost for words. I just smiled a shy smile, I couldn't even look her in the eye (lame me).

So, there we were, we started chatting, a smile here and there. Finally the bus arrived and so we decided to get on the bus. Once we were already comfortably seated, the conversation became livelier, and it felt nice that someone like her was not a suplada type, so it was a relief. I could see that she was cold and I wanted to offer her something but what? I didn't have a jacket with me. The answer came so suddenly. She pulled me by my shoulder and asked me to sit closer with her. It was like a dream actually (yeah it really felt like one). I obliged, of course.We ended up holding hands and her head leaning on my shoulders. I was thinking, this has got to be one of the sweetest bus ride I've ever had.

I got off the bus before her as I already arrived at my stop. As I was getting off the bus I looked back at her, a thought came on to me: any guy whom she chooses to love would be lucky.

I got off the bus smiling. Sorry guys nothing happened, actually a lot happened but not the sort of things that maybe you were expecting. i know some of you would comment that this was just a waste of time and space or needs to be posted somewhere. I just felt I had to, why? I just had to. So please pardon me, just this once. This time it's not about the score, not about the deed and things like that. This time it's about making someone feel special minus all those things...

MESSAGE:

i guess thank you would be an understatement of how i would like to convey to you how much i appreciate the fact that you and i became friends...

you and i, we are two different persons, with different beliefs and principles in life, but I am glad that we've met.

there is a saying that everything has a purpose in life, and although sometimes it is difficult to see which or what purpose does a certain event, or thing or even a person has in our lives, it is still quiet reassuring to know that not everything is for naught.

I meant everything I said to you and I do intend to keep the promise I made.

[bus_rider]

after the bus ride encounter

after that fateful night, that special bus ride, i felt I had to see her again...

Several thoughts came to my mind..what if she doesn't want to? But I had to try..And so I asked her if I can ride the bus with her again (all the while i was praying deep inside all the prayers i learned ever since i was a child that she may said yes).....

"Okay" she said (although I think it was not really the word "okay" or a plain yes but it was something to that effect and it was good enough for me). I felt like I was in this big coliseum, in the center of it and thousands of people were watching and suddenly clapped the moment she said "okay". It was like I just made this buzzer winning shot in a tied ballgame and won our team a championship (yeah I know I might be exaggerating a bit but isn't that how a person who's smitten behaves, hehe). I told myself, God must really be on my side (thank you Lord for the swift answer).

And so there I was at my table, looking stupid (grinning), good thing no one was there to see me (again another behavior of a person smitten, someone who suddenly smiles, hehe). I was excited, as expected, I mean who wouldn't, in just a few hours you'll be meeting the person who somewhat made your heart beat a little faster than normal (not that we were chasing each other and running all around, just the sight of her is more than enough to send this heart of mine galloping..and who would have thought, at my age there would still be butterflies inside my stomach)

Moving on, I was so excited, i planned on surprising her, you know nothing extravagant, something simple, like the saying goes it's the small things that counts (or it can also be an excuse that I can't afford expensive things, hehe) But at least it was sincere. So, there I was, thinking, planning like there was no tomorrow hehe (again a bit exaggerated, smitten! people remember). After all the time thinking, going thru the possible things to do, I ended up buying something to eat (whew and I spent so much energy haha). So the plan was to surprise her with something to eat, while on the bus maybe, so she won't get hungry. That was it, it was settled.

I wonder why time runs so slow when there's this event or something you want to happen and when you're already there, it's like time found it's energy and starts running fast (i wonder if there was a way to reverse the said action). Looking at my clock every now and then (almost every minute actually (this time not exaggerating hehe, that was how excited I was), my phone vibrated. a message from her: Cancel muna tayo...the rest seemed blurred (just for dramatic effects hehe)..well alright she said madami pa siya gagawin sa office. It felt like the referee just waived off my buzzer beater game winning shot, and the coliseum was dead silent (or was there a booo)well, sometimes prayers do need some time before it happens, I told myself. It was just to good to be true. But I was not angry or anything like that, saddened maybe but only for a while as my extraordinary patience kicked in (yeah that's my super hero ability coupled with my super strong understanding, hehe). So i said that it was just okay (it really was).

Alone, sitting n the bus, the air from the air conditioning system of the bus touched my skin..cold..the memory of last night's bus ride played inside my mind..I hope she won't feel cold later...

Finally, I was home..my cousin greeted me with the news that my basketball team lost ( not my day clearly)..went directly to my bedroom and changed. oops, phone vibrating..message: "wish you were here". from her, and somehow my heart felt warm once again. It really is amazing how simple words can bring smile into my face.

Yes, i was not able to ride the bus with her, but I realized that the special bus ride the other night would forever be there..no matter what happened today, whatever happens tomorrow or in the near future, nothing can ever change the fact that the bus ride with her happened..and I smiled..well,not everyone gets an opportunity like that (another of my super hero powers, to always think positive out of something negative), so I ended up thankful..at least I was given the chance to show her , even for just while, how someone can care for her....

Today, I am still waiting and hoping for another bus ride with her..but if it never happens again, I'll always have that night with me..a memory that i will never forget, hopefully nor will she....


And then it seemed just like a dream
When wide eyed, side by side
We faced the future holding hands

"holding hands" - Steve Green

I'm looking for a way to feel you hold me
Feel your heartbeat just one more time
Reaching back, trying to touch the moment

"beautiful" - Amy grant and Vince hill

[bus_rider]

I found myself looking up at the stars last night..Truth to be told, I wasn't really looking into anything in particular. It was one of those times when I was there but I wasn't really there ( I'm sure you people know what I mean, it happens to all of us). I was physically there but my mind (and my heart, hehe) was elsewhere. If it was really possible to separate the mind from the body, I'm sure most of us would do it(or not).

Back to where I found myself, looking up at the dark sky, don't know if I actually saw some stars (maybe I did), I let out a sigh (not of relief), more of a sigh of missing someone...Thank God the night was not that cold, the air was quite humid. (maybe it was also one reason why I went outside to get some fresh air).

"Is she even thinking about me?"I asked myself (now I'm talking to myself, this is bad). Well the question needed an answer and so I answered, "I don't know, maybe not as she has a lot to think about" (this is really bad, hope I'm not developing symptoms of schizophrenia)

Oh well it is not actually a matter of whether she is thinking about me or not, as it was clear from the start that we would be friends. Friends do think of each other, I guess, but not as much as I think of her lately...which led me to ask why?

Why am i thinking of her so often after that ride in the bus with her? What changed that suddenly 99% of the time all i can think of is her (well not really 99% but it's more dramatic that way, and 100% just seems so no true).

The look of her face when I looked back at her (she was not looking back at me by the way), the conversation that night, the laughters shared, the sound of her voice, the smell of her hair (which smelled good by the way, just for her info if she's reading this), the warmth of her touch, the smile in her lips, the beauty of her eye...all those memories kept running inside my mind, it's like pushing the rewind button over and over again just to watch a scene which you have already seen a million times. But you push the button anyway because you just can't get enough of that scene...maybe because it gives warmth to your heart, which in my case is true....

"I don't want to think of love, of falling and stuffs" I remembered her saying this..."Too bad" was what my mind said..."I can respect that" I guess were the words that came out my mouth...

I don't blame her actually. But since we are two different individuals, I, on the other hand can't stop thinking of love, of falling and stuffs related to that...

CONFESSION:

i know that there is no use trying to hide and denying what already is very obvious...She might not want to hear this,but I just have to admit it...and so here are my confessions:

I confess that the first time I first laid my eyes on her that night, I knew I was gonna fall for her...(although I knew there was never going to be a chance of her feeling the same way towards me)

I confess that I am falling for her(she might hate me for this)...perhaps have already fallen for her (she definitely will hate me for this).

I know that it's too early to tell and i don't have any intentions of breaking up any good thing that she has going for her...but I couldn't help it...I think I have fallen in love with her (she's definitely going to hate me)

[F-A Soldier]

Just remember Kelly Clarkson's song's lyrics:

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alonnnneee
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lightahhhh
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger!
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

[bus_rider]

nearing my last entry here at pex...


It felt like I knew her (although in reality I really don't)..I felt her pain and somehow reading her posts somewhat made me see myself in her...

I wanted for the longest time to talk to her but I was not really used to sending messages to those whom I really don't know, and my being a shy person also did not help..

To be honest I don't even remember how we started talking to each other, all I know is that I felt I really wanted to help her (although she really doesn't need my help)...I am not trying to appear as a "goody-goody" person as I know, I too, have my own share of weaknesses...maybe it was because of that reason why I wanted to make even the tiniest difference in her life...

I don't know if what I am doing for her is helping her, or if it is even appreciated...but I haven't really thought of that, I haven't really given too much attention on what other people might think or say..all I cared was to be able to reach out to her...

Have I made a difference? I don't know..but it was worth a try..(I mean it's not as if I am doing something bad or I am taking advantage of her)..

A friend once asked me, Why I spend and exert too much effort and time on trying to help someone who might not even want my help...My answer: I don't know...just like I don't know why i wanted to help her...I just sincerely do...

[catch__]

nearing my last entry here at pex...


It felt like I knew her (although in reality I really don't)..I felt her pain and somehow reading her posts somewhat made me see myself in her...

I wanted for the longest time to talk to her but I was not really used to sending messages to those whom I really don't know, and my being a shy person also did not help..

To be honest I don't even remember how we started talking to each other, all I know is that I felt I really wanted to help her (although she really doesn't need my help)...I am not trying to appear as a "goody-goody" person as I know, I too, have my own share of weaknesses...maybe it was because of that reason why I wanted to make even the tiniest difference in her life...

I don't know if what I am doing for her is helping her, or if it is even appreciated...but I haven't really thought of that, I haven't really given too much attention on what other people might think or say..all I cared was to be able to reach out to her...

Have I made a difference? I don't know..but it was worth a try..(I mean it's not as if I am doing something bad or I am taking advantage of her)..

A friend once asked me, Why I spend and exert too much effort and time on trying to help someone who might not even want my help...My answer: I don't know...just like I don't know why i wanted to help her...I just sincerely do...

Bakit last entry na?

[bus_rider]

Have you ever felt something special to another person but you can't act on that feeling because of the circumstances that both of you are in? Well, I have..actually quiet a few times already but not as meaningful as what has happened to me recently...


I've met this wonderful person online..well had quiet a crush the first time I actually saw her posts...(although a crush at my age, haha, parang high school lang), I guess admiration would be a better word for it. I do admire a lot of people, and at first I treated this one just like the way I treated everyone else I admired - contently admiring from afar and in secret (not the stalker type ha)


I never really expected much but I guess things do happen for a reason...(and whatever that reason is, I still don't know). Time flew and before I knew it, we were already exchanging messages, either thru chat or text messages...I even don't realize up to now how it all started ( I guess I was in a daze the moment it started).


To make the long story short, yes, i have felt something special towards her...but I know I can't act on that feeling...


I think of her often, probably she occupies majority of my thoughts these past few days..I dream of her a lot in my sleep..the moment I wake up, her face comes to mind and her name (although not her real name) is whispered in my thoughts (how i wish the air , the breeze would bring to her the thoughts I have of her)...


Corny or cheesy as it may sound, but it's the truth..what can I do if I have developed such feelings for her...


But just like some of the people I have admired, i know I must keep it to myself (although writing this and posting this would clearly not qualify as keeping it to myself)..I know that I can only be there for her and try to control what I feel towards her...Clearly, it's just the wrong time...(a song comes to mind, something from Barry Manilow)...the difference I guess is that in this case there will be no somewhere down the road for us...


At the start it was pretty clear to me that with the situation, it would really be hard...almost impossible, highly improbable for something to happen...and I really didn't expect anything to happen from that admiration...


But for what it's worth, she is different from any other woman I've ever known..she may not be the typical Filipina, and no matter what people might think of her, to me, she was this person who has captured my attention..not because of any predestined image I had of her, not of any expectations...it was just her..simply her.....no past, no future..it was just simply her existence as of that particular moment that captured me...

And that moment is all I'll ever have of her...

[missund3rst00d]

Masked rider at bus rider, i have a feeling na iisa lang kayo hahahaha

[catch__]

I wish I had the same courage to share my personal experiences and put them into writing..


Keep on writing guys.

[bus_rider]

Masked rider at bus rider, i have a feeling na iisa lang kayo hahahaha

hehehe, I can assure you mali yung feeling na yan

(bakit kaya lagi ako napagkakamalan na ibang tao)

[missund3rst00d]

nonetheless, I thank both of you for sharing. sana lahat ng guys sing romantic nyo

[bus_rider]

nonetheless, I thank both of you for sharing. sana lahat ng guys sing romantic nyo

naks..

and i thought romantic guys are last on the list of women nowadays

sana din lahat ng women are as thoughtful as you

[catch__]

Ibig sabihin hindi ako thoughtful?

[bus_rider]

Ibig sabihin hindi ako thoughtful?

hehe, thoughtful din

[maskedrider]

Lapit na birthday mo...

Gusto kong ipunin lahat ng paborito mong pagkain at dalhin sa office mo sa birthday mo... Halo-Halo ng Razon's, Yung Bacon Burger sa BK, Pasta ng Greenwich, Iced Tea ng Wendy's, tska Rocky Road na Ice Cream. Hay badtrip natatandaan ko pa rin lahat. Pero siguro naka-leave ka sa araw na yon. Tska malamang may ibang gagawa na non para sayo...

Malapit na ring mag 1 year simula nung iwan mo ko. Pero ito halos wala pa rin akong pinagbago. Sabi nga ng kanta ng 'Simple Plan', "I'm addicted to you".

Madalas pa ring kitang naiisip. Good thing napipigilan ko na talaga ang sarili kong mag-email. Sana makatiis akong hindi mag-email sa birthday mo. Ayaw ko na rin kasing malaman mo na hanggang ngayon eh nahihirapan pa rin ako.

Advance Happy Birthday to my greatest love of all!