Single moms

[purpleheadd07]

natatawa ako sa mga lalaking ayaw sa single moms thinking na hindi sila gaanong maalagaan daw kasi may anak na? makipag kompetensiya ba daw sa bata.

anyway, a single mom here. i wasn't really bent on trusting and falling in love again knowing fully well the stigma that we carry or at least what other people see in us. but then i met someone. and i thought it was just a date-date thing but he proved me wrong. when i told him about my son he said he knew from the start. he was just hoping that there's still a little space here in my heart left for him.

we've been together for 4 going on five years now. i've met his family, they've also met my kid, he's met my family too and everything's good somehow. we're engaged and can't wait to all be together as a family soon.

for other people who's got different views, sige lang point niyo iyan. buhay niyo naman yan. kanya-kanyang search for happiness lang in this wonderful wide world. other people do deserve to have second chances in life, eh. so good luck sa ating lahat.

[lancealmekian]

ANO BA ANG MGA RESPONSIBILIDAD NA SINASABI MO, lancealmekian?

Ano ba ang konsepto mo ng responsibilidad na dapat gampanan?

hindi ako bubuhay ng anak ng iba. ganun ka-simple.

Yun na nga eh. Ibig sabihin may choice din ang mga babae. Pode din nilang sipain palabas ang lalaking di keri maging isang "partner" para sa kanila.

Yun nga lang alam kaya nila (karamihan ng babae) yon?

karamihan sa kanila hindi kayang sumipa ng lalake.

Mga babaeng single moms should stay away from guys who think their child/ren are a burden. If they have done thorough sifting in the past and still ended up with an *******, they should do the sifting 10 times more. Also, there's a vast of things to do that doesn't have to involve getting involved with men.

Mga babaeng hindi pa nabubuntis, they should always THINK of themselves first before yang love love na yan at lalong lalo na bago nila ibukaka ang mga legs nila. Hindi magsusurvive ang babae sa love love lang.

agreed.

Yung tungkol sayo lancealmekian na you won't hold it against her but you won't stay with her either, I don't think there's consistent in it. If you won't stay with her it meant you're holding it against her.

people have different personalities, temperaments, core values, etc., and some differences can be irreconcilable. when there are such differences, people can't be together. but just because they have to go their seperate ways doesn't mean they have to lose respect for each other.

Hennyway,
"so if she cannot accept my kids, the door is wide open for her."

Huuu. Handaling sabihin. Pag anjan na ang real life. What is it gonna be really?

i throw away women in my life when i don't see a good reason to stick with them any longer. there's always another one out there worthy of me.

In short, wag na mag-anak para sa ganon hindi lugi ang mga babae. Kasi pag single mom ka na, iba na talaga ang tingin sayo kahit saang anggulo mo pa tignan. Podeng makipagsex pero sisiguraduhing merong IUD o pills at condom na laging ginagamit. Wag magpapabuntis lalong lalo na sa hindi mo asawa.

SA PANAHON NGAYON, BAWAL ANG TANGA.

tama. daming tindahan ng condom, 7/11, ministop, mercury drugstores etc. gaano ba kahirap utusan si lalake na magcondom bago i-baon?

[hooney]

kaya sa mga single mom matuto na sa buhay, at sa mga may balak maging single mom, think million times, pag nabuntis ang babae, ng hindi pa kasal or hindi pa handa ang lalake, walang ibang talo kundi ang babae lalo na pag iniwan kayo ng nakabuntis sa inyo

[mayonnaise]

natatawa ako sa mga lalaking ayaw sa single moms thinking na hindi sila gaanong maalagaan daw kasi may anak na? makipag kompetensiya ba daw sa bata.

anyway, a single mom here. i wasn't really bent on trusting and falling in love again knowing fully well the stigma that we carry or at least what other people see in us. but then i met someone. and i thought it was just a date-date thing but he proved me wrong. when i told him about my son he said he knew from the start. he was just hoping that there's still a little space here in my heart left for him.

we've been together for 4 going on five years now. i've met his family, they've also met my kid, he's met my family too and everything's good somehow. we're engaged and can't wait to all be together as a family soon.

for other people who's got different views, sige lang point niyo iyan. buhay niyo naman yan. kanya-kanyang search for happiness lang in this wonderful wide world. other people do deserve to have second chances in life, eh. so good luck sa ating lahat.

MAY mangilan-ngilan namang exceptions like the chick above. she sounds like her mental faculties are not out of whack unlike the typical single mom, some of whom have even posted here.

BUT that doesn't change anything. hindi porke't there's one out of a million eh ibig sabihin all is well. kabaliktaran pa nga eh. the presence of exception indeed proves that the rule exists. guys shouldn't even waste their time exploring and looking for that one "workable and savable" single mom unless may mommy complex yung guy at hinahanap-hanap niyang makapartner ay that someone who closely resembles his mom. kung wala naman at normal naman yung guy, there's no point.

[lancealmekian]

natatawa ako sa mga lalaking ayaw sa single moms thinking na hindi sila gaanong maalagaan daw kasi may anak na? makipag kompetensiya ba daw sa bata.

anyway, a single mom here. i wasn't really bent on trusting and falling in love again knowing fully well the stigma that we carry or at least what other people see in us. but then i met someone. and i thought it was just a date-date thing but he proved me wrong. when i told him about my son he said he knew from the start. he was just hoping that there's still a little space here in my heart left for him.

we've been together for 4 going on five years now. i've met his family, they've also met my kid, he's met my family too and everything's good somehow. we're engaged and can't wait to all be together as a family soon.

for other people who's got different views, sige lang point niyo iyan. buhay niyo naman yan. kanya-kanyang search for happiness lang in this wonderful wide world. other people do deserve to have second chances in life, eh. so good luck sa ating lahat.

not all women are as lucky to meet a guy who's practically one in a million. you feel good about your luck and i have nothing against that. but your story doesn't change the fact that most single moms' stories don't have a happy ending.

moral story of this whole thread: don't get pregnant if the guy you're having sex with isn't ready. buy condoms. sheesh.

[purpleheadd07]

it's really just a matter of loving yourself and picking up the pieces once more. as i've said everyone deserves their second chances naman. just because nagkamali ikukulong mo na lang sa tabi?

there are still a few good men out there who can still accept you mistakes and all, wala namang perpekto. maybe it's their education, their exposure to different cultures, their life experiences. kanya kanyang wavelengths na din lang.

at may mga tao pa din sadyang closed minded pa din. may iba nga naghahanap pa din ng virgin eh.

[adiposethoughts]

I WASN'T talking about anything any of the above. these things are easily picked-up somewhere else. i'm talking about the emotional attachment adolescent males develop for their suffering mothers. I'M talking along the lines of a boy in his formative years seeing how miserable his mother is. or the mom advising the boy "huwag kang gagaya sa ama mo na ganito-ganyan." or the boy grows up hearing "ang mga lalake talga ganito-ganyan" meanwhile, he has it so good at home and thinking "pag-laki ko gusto mo mapangasawa katulad ng mommy ko." that boy can't even think right. he's trained to think that it's normal for women to be emotionally damaged when in fact, it isn't.



I COULDN'T care less about single moms. i'm not here, nor am i under any obligation to sympathize or protect or advise them. wouldn't touch single mothers. they've made the mistake of getting pregnant before, they're likely to be repeat offenders. i'm here to warn un or ill-informed guys about the disadvantages and consequences of dating single moms.

Sana talaga makilala ka ng maraming kababaihan sa inner nature mo na yan. For sure maraming babae ang madadala kapag pinakita mong ganyan ang ugali mo.


Yun nga lang, mas kokonti ang chance mong makakembelar.



Yung mga single moms na sinasabi mong a la bungangerang laging sinasabi gago yung tatay ng bata kesyo ganto kesyo ganyan, baka old generation na ng single moms yan. Marami ng nagbago. Pati na rin ugali nila. Sa palagay ko you still haven't seen the other side of the coin kaya ganyan ang pananaw mo. Ok lang yan. Kanya kanya lang yan. Pero the more informed you are, the better judge you could be.

Gaya nga ng sinabi ko kanina, hindi naman dapat lahatin. Iba-iba ang levels ng single moms sa buhay. May kulang sa pag-aaruga sa kanila, yung iba self-actualized na. Iba-iba ang pangangailangan nila. It so happened na mas napapaligid sayo yung majority eh pasariling "pangangailangan" para rin mismo ang hinahanap nila sa sarili nila.

[mayonnaise]

Sana talaga makilala ka ng maraming kababaihan sa inner nature mo na yan. For sure maraming babae ang madadala kapag pinakita mong ganyan ang ugali mo.


Yun nga lang, mas kokonti ang chance mong makakembelar.

THREE YEARS ago i had to spend a whole year in a remote province. prior to going, people were telling me i couldn't possibly live in the rural areas because of the way i live "urbanly." the opposite proved to be true. so what's my point?

GETTING women has never been a problem and the least of my concerns.

Yung mga single moms na sinasabi mong a la bungangerang laging sinasabi gago yung tatay ng bata kesyo ganto kesyo ganyan, baka old generation na ng single moms yan. Marami ng nagbago. Pati na rin ugali nila. Sa palagay ko you still haven't seen the other side of the coin kaya ganyan ang pananaw mo. Ok lang yan. Kanya kanya lang yan. Pero the more informed you are, the better judge you could be.

WALA akong sinabing bungangera ang single moms. ang sabi ko marami silang issues and they are damaged emotionally and they have excess baggage.

Gaya nga ng sinabi ko kanina, hindi naman dapat lahatin. Iba-iba ang levels ng single moms sa buhay. May kulang sa pag-aaruga sa kanila, yung iba self-actualized na. Iba-iba ang pangangailangan nila. It so happened na mas napapaligid sayo yung majority eh pasariling "pangangailangan" para rin mismo ang hinahanap nila sa sarili nila.

SINO ba naglalahat? paki-scour mo ang thread and tell me, do you see me using the word "lahat?" as a matter of fact, i even recognize that there are exceptions.

SINGLE moms have subsets. the financially wanting, financially sound, emotionally weak, total wreck, independent but feels the guilt of not spending enough time with the kid, independent and leaves the kid with her parents or the yaya so she can party at night, etc. but there's a bottom line - we can circle the block but we would always end up where we started - single moms have excess baggage and are emotionally damaged.

[tresp]

you cant really hate something that much, or make informed advise to un or ill-informed people without having a deep connection and understanding of the subject. you cant hate something you dont know.

[mayonnaise]

you cant really hate something that much, or make informed advise to un or ill-informed people without having a deep connection and understanding of the subject. you cant hate something you dont know.

WHAT hate? hate is when you want someone to go to hell. i couldn't care less where single moms go.

SINGLE moms are emotionally damaged. single moms have previously exercised poor judgment. people who do are bound to repeat them. single moms can't prioritize their boyfriends. if they do, they have bigger issues. that's not hating. that's making an argument for not dating single mothers.

[tresp]

WHAT hate? hate is when you want someone to go to hell. i couldn't care less where single moms go.

SINGLE moms are emotionally damaged. single moms have previously exercised poor judgment. people who do are bound to repeat them. single moms can't prioritize their boyfriends. if they do, they have bigger issues. that's not hating. that's making an argument for not dating single mothers.

and you know this how? 1st hand experience?

[spring_moon]

you cant really hate something that much, or make informed advise to un or ill-informed people without having a deep connection and understanding of the subject. you cant hate something you dont know.

Bingo

[antonbaet]

Well ive enjoyed reading this thread... from those informative replies and the entertaining "b0b0" replies...

Heres my two cents...

Every person has his/her own right to their own standards/preferences... If a single man, who works hard to educate himself academically/practically and continuosly improving himself has all the right to prefer a single lady over a single mom. No one can ever influence or force him to have relationship with a single mom if he finds it disadvantage for him to to handle "extra" responsibility...

And yes... there are so many subsets of single moms... just like subsets of single ladies, single men at those in a relationship. But the sad truth is among those subsets... only a few percentage are of real gems... just like when we talk of intelligence or physical prowess...

I beg to disagree that if a single man chooses to have a serious relationship with a single mom he is automatically retarded, immature, has no sense of self worth or is just plain stupid. But i will agree that most men who will do it belongs to that category.

I also agree with most posters here trying to emphasize to be very carefull when choosing your partner and dont rely to much on emotion and just spread your legs without using protection. It is always each person responsibilities to take care of the welfare of themselves.

And to answer the TS queries;

1. How do men view single moms who still look good and sexy?
Hats off to them, just like i admire all those person who take care of themselves. There is no excuse of not taking care of your body and to look good.

2. There are a number of men who still use them and just play with them, treating them like trash or an easy lay.
Yes, i agree that there is more percentage of men who will treat them trash or think of a single mom for an easy lay. The question here is if the single mom will be caught on their trap. Theres always difference between perception and reality. Whatever other may say against single moms if they prove them wrong who cares anyway?

3. Would men still want to marry them?
Yes, why not. Just like what the other poster replied there are so many subsets of different personalities whether man or woman, single or in a "relationship". Personally it doesnt matter to me as long as my preferences/standards were met. But i will prefer single lady over a single mom.

4. What kind of set-up is most appropriate if a guy decides to marry or have longterm relationship with a single mom?
For me, there will be difference between setup if i marry a single lady or a single mom.

[spring_moon]

antonbaet- nice to see another male join this thread with some sense of balance and decency in how he expresses himself. If we're all going to be disagreeing more, we should be careful to do it well. But from reading other threads I am not surprised at the propensity of some posters to resort to potshots. It has alot of entertainment value

Personally, I have not been trying to change anyone's mind. I express what I observe and feel (about single moms and the bias against them). We are all entitled to our own standards in the people we befriend, date, marry. Sharing them can be done with civility.

For example, I don't fully agree with this statement of yours: "I beg to disagree that if a single man chooses to have a serious relationship with a single mom he is automatically retarded, immature, has no sense of self worth or is just plain stupid. But i will agree that most men who will do it belongs to that category." But I can state my reasons with decency: I don't agree because of the use of the words highlighted which I feel are not appropriate words (in any kind of conversation (i.e. retarded) and that you made a sweeping generalization. It's the sweeping generalizations that I wish we could all avoid. That's all. You may keep believing it, it's your right, and I hope you would never purposefully hurt anyone with that belief.

These are US statistics but something to think about when it comes to the willingness of men (and women) to marry a partner with kids and to demystify the fact that it's that rare.

•One-third of U.S. marriages bring a stepfamily into existence.
•Over 40 percent of marriages are remarriages.
•Thirty-five percent of teens report having a better relationship with their stepdad than their biological father; only 16 percent of the time is the reverse true.

Famous stepfathers include George Washington, Dr. Seuss, and Dr. Spock, Kurt Russell, Pierce Brosnan, Paul McCartney. Former Presidents Bill Clinton and Gerald Ford were adopted by their stepfathers.

[antonbaet]

@spring_moon thanks for the kind words...

Well for the point you disagree with the choice of wording like "retarded" is a some sort of miscommunication. I was trying to disagree with point raised by lancealmakin and avoided to quote him for that to avoid misunderstanding that im directly challenging his opinion of the matter.

lancealmekian- just curious about this, as you said your sister is a single mom- do you mean then that you believe the only kind of guy who will fall for her is "retarded, immature, has no sense of self worth or is just plain stupid"?

And for the word "most men", what im just saying is not that a single man to have a serious relationship automatically belongs to that category but majority of them are. In relation to the point that i raised that is a small percentage of human population that is matured (whether acquired thru experience or academic education) enough to have that wisdom what they are trying to put themselves into. So it is a majority, majority of single moms have excess baggage whether emotional or other aspect of their lives. Only a selective few who has succeeded to overcome that bad experience and comes out to be a refined jewel. Then who would want to end up with those "majority"/most single moms in their bad state but of course those "majority"/most single men who are immature, has no sense of self worth or is just plain stupid.

PS i just omitted the word "retarded" since retardation is clinical state of a person and inaapropriate to associate to those "most men"

[mayonnaise]

and you know this how? 1st hand experience?

IT's an exercise in futility to guess, assume or swing wildly hoping it sticks. that's not going to work. instead of trying to extract information about me, why don't you disprove my argument so you can make some headway - single moms are damaged emotionally and have excess baggage.

INSTEAD of accusing me and talking about my non-existent disdain for single moms, tell us why that's not true.

[spring_moon]

@spring_moon thanks for the kind words...

Well for the point you disagree with the choice of wording like "retarded" is a some sort of miscommunication. I was trying to disagree with point raised by lancealmakin and avoided to quote him for that to avoid misunderstanding that im directly challenging his opinion of the matter.



And for the word "most men", what im just saying is not that a single man to have a serious relationship automatically belongs to that category but majority of them are. In relation to the point that i raised that is a small percentage of human population that is matured (whether acquired thru experience or academic education) enough to have that wisdom what they are trying to put themselves into. So it is a majority, majority of single moms have excess baggage whether emotional or other aspect of their lives. Only a selective few who has succeeded to overcome that bad experience and comes out to be a refined jewel. Then who would want to end up with those "majority"/most single moms in their bad state but of course those "majority"/most single men who are immature, has no sense of self worth or is just plain stupid.

PS i just omitted the word "retarded" since retardation is clinical state of a person and inaapropriate to associate to those "most men"

Super well said!

Yes, I think I misunderstood you in that point you clairifed.

[spring_moon]

IT's an exercise in futility to guess, assume or swing wildly hoping it sticks. that's not going to work. instead of trying to extract information about me, why don't you disprove my argument so you can make some headway - single moms are damaged emotionally and have excess baggage.

INSTEAD of accusing me and talking about my non-existent disdain for single moms, tell us why that's not true.

You're the one who has gotten no headway at all since you can't even prove your arguement by you're claim of no experience and plain assumption.

You contradict yourself as well.

I quote: "SINGLE moms have subsets. the financially wanting, financially sound, emotionally weak, total wreck, independent but feels the guilt of not spending enough time with the kid, independent and leaves the kid with her parents or the yaya so she can party at night, etc. but there's a bottom line - we can circle the block but we would always end up where we started - single moms have excess baggage and are emotionally damaged. "

Another.. "I COULDN'T care less about single moms. i'm not here, nor am i under any obligation to sympathize or protect or advise them. wouldn't touch single mothers. they've made the mistake of getting pregnant before, they're likely to be repeat offenders. i'm here to warn un or ill-informed guys about the disadvantages and consequences of dating single moms."

You accuse people of objectively talking about the state and bias against single moms of being single moms as an intended insult

And you claim to have non-existent disdain for single moms?

Right.

[lancealmekian]

you pro-single moms are affected way too much. sheesh. the way i see it people arguing here can be categorized into two sets, and most of them aren't aware of this. let me open your eyes.


first set -- mostly involves men -- are those who think being a single mom is not good (i myself belong in this set), ergo they don't go for single moms. notice the word that's boldfaced. it's not that these people hate single moms per se (fuck they don't even know them to hate them), it's the notion that a woman who's having irresponsible sex, i.e. no birth control, with an irresponsible man would get knocked up with the man running away afterwards that gets our goat. my posts are directed to women who are not single moms. if you're in a sexual relationship with someone you're not certain is up to the task of becoming a father, then just fucking buy condoms.

second set -- mostly involves women -- there may be exceptions, like probably the loser guy quoting my previous post -- are those who sympathize with single moms because of the misconception that they are being attacked. these people direct attack men who look at single moms in a negative way, and they direct posts of sympathy/empowerment to women who ARE single moms. while their intentions is not bad (noble even), remember that this thread was created by siomai to get the opinions MEN hold as regards the topic. this is not a single moms' sympathizers' thread. besides i think sympathizing is not helpful, because when you sympathize for someone you only acknowledge the fact that their situation is hopeless.

i hope this clears up everything. yung mga bobong post sana magisip isip muna kayo. kakairita kayo e.

[purpleheadd07]

di naman kasi sa nilalait or kino-condemn ng mga guys ang single mom. it's a matter of choice and freewill din kasi..madami din kasi akong mga single mom na friend pero di naman kami nagkakatalo tungkol doon..para bang lumalabas kapag pinili mo ang single woman kaysa sa single mom, ang dating eh nilalait mo na ang single mom..it's the guy's prerogative..

pero ang maganda lang sa single mom, matatag at marunong na sila sa buhay..pero kung makakahanap ka naman ng babaeng matatag at marunong sa buhay pero single woman siya, bakit naman lalabas na masama kung siya ang piliin mo..

oh wow, you are indeed maturing, totoy. i like that.