Hello guys and girls out there!
I just thought of sharing this to everyone and gather inputs that can help me contemplate on this dilemma. You can be nice, mean and blunt to me.. just as long as you share your ideas to help me.
To start with, I am a career woman of age 30. Single, sociable and not even dating for almost a year now. I'm afraid of men, scared of being in a relationship so to cut it short, I've never been in a relationship in my entire existence. I'm not too pretty nor too attractive but to be fair to myself, I'm not facially challenged and am confident of who I am. I've dated men in the past but honestly I end up cutting ties with them.. just making excuses that I am just not ready to dive in (which is partly true) so I always end up being alone. Pathetic me..
For all the years that had passed, I've kept questioning myself if this happened because I was too hard to myself, or I'm just not meant to be with someone. I've already accepted to myself that I'll end up being a spinster and have already plans in case it really happens. That's just one of the issues. Secondly... now while writing this I've been thinking soooo hard if I should really say this. But I've decided to say it... ahaha.. I'm still a virgin. Violent reactions please.. That's another one. The third one is that I like this guy so bad..
Moving forward.. these three things got into me so much and I feel like I'm the most damned creature in the entire universe.
On being single.. I think I CAN still handle it as I've been really praying so hard to God and commend myself under His care but still having a hard time coping on the idea that I am such a loser for not even having a boyfriend. I oftenly feel sad being in this state.. but good thing is that I have friends to cheer me up. The problem is Iíve already set standards and itís so difficult to find a guy that would meet that standard. Now Iím scared... to be alone I guess..
On being a virgin.. gosh, everyone who knows about this kept on pushing me to give it up as Iíve been missing a lot in my life. Peer pressure it is.. yes, I am so pressured by my friends! There are even times that I don't know if I should still be proud of saying this as I find it shameful that I've reached this age and still got no experience of having sex with guys.. what do you think? Is this a major turnoff to guys or would they find me boring or what???? Honestly, I always get indecent approaches from colleagues as soon as they hear about me being still a virgin.. but turned it down since I fear that they only want to steal that away from me. In other words, I trust no guys anymore. Now the worst part.. Iím in love with a very close friend but Iím not sure if heís into me as well. Heís of same age and works at the same office. He was married and has a kid. Since were this close, I could openly and jokingly tell him straight that I love him so much and would do everything for him. He knows about my feelings, and that we could be intimate but just playing around on that part hehe. I think Iím so falling for him already. Iíve been telling him that we can try being in a relationship but he does not believe me at all. Just this morning, Iíve sent him an inspiring message and he texted back. Out of the blue he mentioned if I want to be his girlfriend but warned me that heís that person whose hard to understand and deal with. Iím not sure If I have to give in just because of what he asked me but scared at the same time that he might just be joking on me. Do I have to believe him and use this chance to tell him what I really feel for him or just keep it all to myself? Instead, do I have to initiate more to get him? Do I have to do crazy things just for him to realize that I am damn serious? Iím also afraid that I might be able to give up this virginity just for him to realize that I really love him.
Guys, Iíve never tried this before (initiating) but I donít know if itís right to dive in and risk? Need your help badly..