^akala ko Adams Family.
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Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window?
She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
Atheist: What’s this fly doing in my soup?
Atheist: Very funny. I can’t eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly’s prayers were answered.
The christian lady next door to the atheist
"There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, “She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn’t she know there isn’t a God?”
Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying “Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don’t you know there is no God?” But she kept on praying.
One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, “Humph! I’ll fix her.”
He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, “You ol’ crazy lady, God didn’t buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!” At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord.
When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, “I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn’t know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!”
I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!”
“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.
“Well, there’s so much to live for.” “Like what?” “Well, are you religious?” He said yes. I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?” “Christian.” “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
“Protestant.” “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”
“Baptist.” “Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God.” “Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?”
He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915.”
I said, “Die, heretic scum!!” And pushed him off the bridge.
Joke by Emo Phillips
The Bear and the Atheist
An atheist was walking through the woods one day, admiring all that evolution had created. Suddenly he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw an 8 foot grizzly bear beginning to charge toward him.
He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him Running faster yet, he looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding in his chest. He tried to run faster. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground.
As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him. The atheist cried…”GOD DAMN!…”
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from the sky.
“YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON’T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. NOW, YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU AND DAMN THIS BEAR? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A CHRISTIAN?”
The atheist looked directly into the light and said, “Why don’t you try and make the bear a Christian?”
“VERY WELL,” said the voice. The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed. … and the bear dropped down to his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: “Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive.”
Voted the most offensive religious joke at http://www.ship-of-fools.com/feature...t_results.html
Girl on a Cliff
A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying his eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"
The little boy turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."
The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"
Last edited by tonton; Jul 2, 2012 at 02:14 AM.
Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."
St Peter: "Not likely!"
Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."
At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.
St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."
Jesus: "Bugger off!"
Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I can't find the owner of. I could give that to you."
Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God.
Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented."
God: "Tell him to get lost!"
Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He says I can have it."
God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't even carry a ****in' wooden one!"
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple waits until you're 13 before coming on your face.
'An atheist walked into a bar, but seeing no bartender he revised his initial assumption and decided he only walked into a room...'
A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"
A nun at a Catholic school asked her students what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Suzy declares, "I want to be a prostitute."
"What did you say?!" asks the nun, totally shocked.
"I said I want to be a prostitute," Suzy repeats.
"Oh, thank heavens," says the nun. "I thought you said 'a Protestant!'"