RoT Jokes!

[havok47]

Alright.

Let's make this a repository of jokes that are suited for the RoT intelligensia.

Humor can be grounded in science that some people might fail to understand (one can always feign laughter though).

Or it can be an amusement born out of some religion. Let's just exercise discretion so as not to offend anyone. Be sport RoTers!

I'll start.

******************************************************

Rene Descartes was traveling by plane. A stewardess approached him and asked if he wanted some wine.

He responded, "I think not."

Poof. He disappeared.

******************************************************

A Catholic, a Jew and a Buddhist died and they all went to Heaven.

Upon reaching the Pearly gates, they saw St. Peter standing guard holding the book of life.

St. Peter looked at the Buddhist and asked, "You, what have you done in your life?".

The Buddhist replied, "I have been a good man, I ridded myself of all material desires and became one with the Universe. I became one with God. Thus, I am a Buddhist."

St. Peter responded, "Very well, go to room No. 14, but be quiet when you pass by Room 13.".

It was the Jew's turn. St. Peter asked the same question.

The Jew answered, "I have been a good man, I have followed the Law and kept the commandments. I am a worshipper of the one true God, Yahweh. Thus, I am a Jew."

St. Peter again responded, "Alright, go to room No.15, but be quiet when you pass by Room 13.".

St. Peter then asked the Catholic the same question.

The Catholic responded, "I have been a good man, I have loved my neighbor as I have loved God. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. Thus, I am a Catholic."

St. Peter said the same thing, "Go to Room No. 16, but be quiet when you pass by Room 13.".

The Catholic could not hide his curiosity and finally asked, "St. Peter, why should we all be quiet when we pass by Room 13?"

St. Peter answered, "There are Jehovah's Witnesses there, they think they're the only ones in Heaven.".

Alternately, you can subsitute some other religions in the punchline and it will generate the same effect, sometimes it will become even funnier.

******************************************************

Your turn...

[charcan]

Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An *******

Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.


"Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day."* God.

If Jesus is inside me, I hope he likes fajitas ’cause that’s what he’s getting!

If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?

Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.

Cheeses Dried Foyer Shins. Praise the Lard.

People Who Don't Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn't Have Such Funny Beliefs

Jesus is Coming? Don't Swallow That.

Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!

GOD - APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!

God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus

God Doesn't Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.

Creationism: Holy ****!

"Intelligent Design" Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987

I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent

My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel

I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God
If we were made in his image, then why aren't humans invisible too?

Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made? A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.

Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex

http://www.freethoughtpedia.org

[charcan]

[IMG]http://api.ning.com/files/a3QwD0ws5Ut4kFXwgJ5p2dIO6T01zDwU*HcCINiBq8JK5Nivyi*jpSE9V1RDZBUIL*ydIpREtE6UzrQ3LlJCKSZd-4KB*r7q/jesusreturned.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://api.ning.com/files/*97gg1RdCIdHhP5DrkapE97N*cy61K7P0prscKnRizbOaR0C5mrBIE2mXlIBMk3LElXGZbaW*Nm8jVwi4aPb2Jk6oc10HKcV/GhostbustersCapturingJesus.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://api.ning.com/files/uSGNrSCqmkr-9yfjYSaeY9tIDleT4cuYixzT0buadYB-ulmVOHymiMMv*-wpSmCgGUNnJ-JhoILVaUK8ffTE8eIlvftau4Ii/198058_160845190640657_133181216740388_362341_2810710_n.jpg[/IMG]

sino magaling diyan di pumasok eh
paki naman please thanks!!

[thoth]

http://api.ning.com/files/a3QwD0ws5Ut4kFXwgJ5p2dIO6T01zDwU*HcCINiBq8JK5Nivyi*jpSE9V1RDZBUIL*ydIpREtE6UzrQ3LlJCKSZd-4KB*r7q/jesusreturned.jpg

http://api.ning.com/files/*97gg1RdCI...uringJesus.jpg

http://api.ning.com/files/uSGNrSCqmk..._2810710_n.jpg

sino magaling diyan di pumasok eh
paki naman please thanks!!

kaya lagi ako napupuyat eh. late ka na lagi matulog. ayan late na ko nagising. late na din ako nakapag post dito.

[havok47]

Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip?

To get to the same side.

[Ischaramoochie]

Confucius say man who sctatch *** must not bite nails.

[havok47]

Two atoms were walking down the road. The first one says, "Wait, I think I dropped an electron.". The other atom asks, "Are you sure?". The first one replies, "I'm positive."

[FALSEalarm]

Two atoms were walking down the road. The first one says, "Wait, I think I dropped an electron.". The other atom asks, "Are you sure?". The first one replies, "I'm positive."

fallout 3?

[tonton]

Jesus is Coming? Don't Swallow That.

BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Nice one!!!

[almario38]

A Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist

There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?"

Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying.

One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her."

He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord.

When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"

[havok47]

Good one almario!

Another one:

A neutron walks into a bar, orders a Scotch and asks how much is it.

The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

[almario38]

on the scientific atoms:
How fortunate we are that the theory of the atom as a group of things
in motion provides that the motion is circular. Going at such amazing
speed, if your electrons maintained a straight course for a millionth
part of a second, you would be scattered all over the neighborhood.
There are times when I am staggered by the pronouncements of
science and, in the words of at Scottish friend, "I hay me doots."

about religion:

[havok47]

^Medyo misrepresented ang science dito. Belief in something does not automatically equate to religion. I believe my team will win our company's basketball game later, does it mean that my religion is my "basketball team"?

Science and Religion both espouse beliefs, but Religion is fideistic while Science is empirical.

Medyo serious...moving on...any Thor-worshippers here? Just in time for the movie...

[Pyros]

Damn you atheists, take easy on James’ blunders, if not for the slight blunders in your DNA, you are insignificant bacteria till this day

[tiburcioSais]

[tiburcioSais]

[SirZap]

http://www.answering-islam.org/Humor/bulbs.html

Light bulb changing jokes, Christian-style

Q:
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
Q:
How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on. (Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.)
Q:
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the lightbulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.
Q:
How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Q:
How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a bulb?
A:
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.
Q:
How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.
Q:
How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
"What's a light bulb?"
Q:
How many youth pastors does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Youth pastors aren't around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.
Q:
How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.
Q:
How many Anglo-Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
None. They always use candles instead.
Q:
How many Evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Evangelicals do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the light bulb will decide to change itself.
Q:
How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
One. But they are still in darkness.
Q:
How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Change?????
Q:
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Q:
How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.
Q:
How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
One. But soon all thoses around can warm up to its glowing.
Q:
How many baptist's does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
The whole congregation needs to vote on it!
Q:
How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!
Q:
How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
Twenty one, one to change it, and twenty to share the experience!
Q:
How many conservative Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person changing it is a woman!
Q:
How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
None. If God wants the lightbulb changed He will do it Himself!
Q:
How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
10. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2000, four to raise the necessary funds, one to go find a national to do the job!
Q:
How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
Q:
How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? 109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 Member church Board, who appoint another 12 member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a 7-member committee to find the best price in new light bulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23 member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.
Q:
How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
4 ladies. One to carefully unscrew the bulb. One to wrap it carefully and another to package it. The fourth to mail it to the mission field.

[almario38]

Get Your Own

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost?"

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!"

But, God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt."

[FALSEalarm]

Religion is like a penis

It's fine if you have one,
and it's fine if your proud of it,
but dont be waving it around in public,
pushing it in people's faces who don't want it,
and PLEASE don't shove it down some poor child's throat.

[Ischaramoochie]

"my religion is bigger than yours"