Is it Ok to steal someone else's partner? (gf/bf/wife/husband/mistress/mister/lover)

[amor19]

consider this:

a salesman keeps knocking on your door everyday peddling a product but you keep refusing him because you already have a similar product in your home. he may be right that his product is better than what you currently own but do you really want him to not stop till you buy his product?

i wouldn't. why can't he just wait till i go shopping for an upgrade? i've already heard what he has to say anyway.

because you are not on his shoes. assuming you're saying this cuz you're happy with your current partner, so you're not looking for someone else, you dont want to be with someone else. kagaya lang yan sa mga taken na once a guy starts asks her out, she lies and says she's engaged when she's just in bf-gf relationship, exaggerate it more hoping that the dude would stay away since she's engaged na. or dropping hints na me boyfriend na sya once a dude is trying to be closer to her. i do that when i have a boyfriend.

pero from the dude's/someone's standpoint, the one who's trying to 'steal' you, all he's concern about is how to win your heart, or your down there if that's only what he's after.

[siyado]

because you are not on his shoes. assuming you're saying this cuz you're happy with your current partner, so you're not looking for someone else, you dont want to be with someone else. kagaya lang yan sa mga taken na once a guy starts asks her out, she lies and says she's engaged when she's just in bf-gf relationship, exaggerate it more hoping that the dude would stay away since she's engaged na. or dropping hints na me boyfriend na sya once a dude is trying to be closer to her. i do that when i have a boyfriend.

pero from the dude's/someone's standpoint, the one who's trying to 'steal' you, all he's concern about is how to win your heart, or your down there if that's only what he's after.

sure, i get that. but really we're humans, not animals. we have codes of conduct we have to live by, personal spaces we have to respect whether we like it or not. forcing yourself on a person like that is invasive and disruptive on not only the woman, but her current partner as well.

btw, i'm a guy. just used that example to show how i'd react if i were in a target's shoes. i honestly think a lot of women allow themselves to be forced into situations too much.

[F-A Soldier]

^ what if the 'bad times' are being physically abused, kuya? okay that's too much, maybe verbally abused? the dude is too dominant. the dude constantly is insulting you when he's not in a good mood. contantly is yelling at you if you mess up, like let's say late on a date or such. or bad times like the dude 'slacking 'around' in the relationship, i mean like starting to mess around with someone else. those could be the 'bad times', is that still important that she's worth keeping kuya since she's willing to stay?
(or are you actually talking bout, you getting terminated, not having money for a while, or a member of family dying kinda bad times.)

Of course babycakes. Those are different.

I, for sure after all my posts here, disavow martyrdom and idiocy. If by all means leave. I'm not that stupid to say that all things 'enduring' is wisdom or commonsense.

But 'bad times' doesn't mean deliberate irreparable flaws in a man or woman eg being abusive, cheating. It could be rough patches that we all go through: financial hard times, lack of time together, sickness, etc.

[intsik siomai]

There's a grey area rin kasi. To what point do you expect your partner to be loyal to you? She can't window shop? She can't see what options she has? She's can't be assured that there is someone she can be with just in case her partner dies or something happens?
And when you're open to seeing your options, sometimes you just know you have to transfer. There is really no retreating.

We have a maid who's very reliable and hardworking. She told my mom she's earning so she can go back to school and hopefully find a good job abroad. My mom doesn't want her to go because she's such a good catch as a maid. Mom also told me not to be "encouraging" to that maid, since sometimes I talk to her about options in life... So what is better, to blind her of her options?

[F-A Soldier]

Honey cakes much like how Amor19 optimized 'bad times' as something of the a certain area, so is your analogy of katulong to love partner. Two different things sweetheart.

That's why she's your wife, your life partner, your lover...if not then it's not. It's that easy.

If you see your current partner as 'transferable' then honey it's what it is, he isn't what you're looking for. Because when you find what you're looking for there's no two ways about it.

And thus what I said is reiterated: you can't steal something that's bolted down.

[Ice Burn]

If a person "steals" the mistress/lover, I suppose that person is doing the aggrieved spouse a favor eh?

[siyado]

There's a grey area rin kasi. To what point do you expect your partner to be loyal to you? She can't window shop? She can't see what options she has? She's can't be assured that there is someone she can be with just in case her partner dies or something happens?

shouldn't she have done all the scouting before choosing to be with me? if she meets someone she thinks she'll be happier with along the way, i'd let her go. same with your maid. she already knows what she wants and deserves the chance to do it.

btw, what exactly do you mean by window shopping anyway? does it also involve having sex with other guys to determine sexual compatibility?

it's like what f-a soldier said earlier, really. if you're not 100% satisfied with your commitment to your partner, perhaps it's best to just get out of it. what's the point right? or maybe you're just the non-committal type. nothing wrong with that if that's who you are.

[intsik siomai]

^Usually, we cannot control the current situation. At a given point in time, we will only be mingling with the same group of people. After sometime, we make the best choice, so get involved. But when you transfer location or job or environment, you'll meet a new set of people who were never considered before. This can be eye-opening for you. I'm not talking about just the thrill of novelty, but the real type of upgrade you never dreamed possible. What do you do?

What if you're fairly satisfied with your gf now, then suddenly you get discovered by an agent and you'll become an international action star. Then you'll be surrounded by Adriana Lima look-alikes who share the same interests as you have, and they show that they are interested with you. Wouldn't you consider leaving your gf for Adriana Lima who already suggested she likes you and you've already bonded(and clicked) in the movie set that you're making? Or would you two-time Adriana and your gf to check who you like more? Or you'll dump all other options since you've made the decision already to be with your gf?

At 16, you make the decision of becoming a chemist and you took up Chemistry as your major in college. Does it mean you cannot change your mind and you have to be a chemist for the rest of your life, because you think the decision you made when you were 16 should hold true for the rest of your life?

[intsik siomai]

btw, what exactly do you mean by window shopping anyway? does it also involve having sex with other guys to determine sexual compatibility?

^No, to what point does she need to be loyal so she won't be stolen from you? Surely, you won't stop her from talking to men. And from that simple talk, she may see the light.

[prEttyInDistr3ss]

No it is NOT "OK" to steal someone else partner...but it is "OK" to sleep with someone else partner...


seriously, we get a lot of dilemmas about women being a mistress or the "other" person... as long as you don't fcuk the life of the family... then do what both of you enjoy doing...


remember, when you borrow something or someone...make sure to return it...

[siyado]

^Usually, we cannot control the current situation. At a given point in time, we will only be mingling with the same group of people. After sometime, we make the best choice, so get involved. But when you transfer location or job or environment, you'll meet a new set of people who were never considered before. This can be eye-opening for you. I'm not talking about just the thrill of novelty, but the real type of upgrade you never dreamed possible. What do you do?

What if you're fairly satisfied with your gf now, then suddenly you get discovered by an agent and you'll become an international action star. Then you'll be surrounded by Adriana Lima look-alikes who share the same interests as you have, and they show that they are interested with you. Wouldn't you consider leaving your gf for Adriana Lima who already suggested she likes you and you've already bonded(and clicked) in the movie set that you're making? Or would you two-time Adriana and your gf to check who you like more? Or you'll dump all other options since you've made the decision already to be with your gf?

At 16, you make the decision of becoming a chemist and you took up Chemistry as your major in college. Does it mean you cannot change your mind and you have to be a chemist for the rest of your life, because you think the decision you made when you were 16 should hold true for the rest of your life?

it's funny, i've been asked very similar questions before, by my gf no less.

anyway, your scenario. my quick and honest answer: i wouldn't leave my gf for the real adriana lima herself. i'd even go as far as saying that there is no contest between them. my gf is much more valuable to me than her, whatever that value is based on.

now it would be easy to dismiss my answer as a straight-up lie or a stupid one but consider the late john f. kennedy jr. in his prime, he was considered one of the most eligible bachelors in the world. you name it, he had it: wealth, intelligence, goodlooks, influence, etc. he could've had almost any woman in the world and yet he chose to marry this simply unremarkable and only marginally pretty woman named carolyn bessette. i don't know his exact reasons for choosing her but it's obvious he placed on her a value that is more than the sum of her different marketable values. the same idea applies in my case.

i think we all go for what we think is the best choice for us. if you think leaving your current for the new, supposedly better person will make you happier, then by all means do it.

[siyado]

^No, to what point does she need to be loyal so she won't be stolen from you? Surely, you won't stop her from talking to men. And from that simple talk, she may see the light.

i wouldn't call her on things beside the normal boundaries of a committed relationship. and yeah, of course she can talk to guys and even be friends with them.

like i said before, if she meets someone eventually that she wants to leave me for, i'll let her go. hands are for shaking, not tying.

[F-A Soldier]

See there it is again. You're justifying on the point of that which is 'being stolen'. If the person 'being stolen' is considering her options, it's not really stealing because she left with her own blessing.

Once again physical fact: you cannot steal something that's bolted down, unless with a saw. Without a saw, it went with you.

[LaraCroft17]

Its so simple.

Do you want your personal things to be steal by others....or something that is so valuable and important to you???

It's not cool to steal. Thou shall not steal. :-D

[invi]

^ Unless the person went with you out of his own volition, then it ain't stealing. Tinutukan mo ba ng baril ang taong sinulot mo? Hindi naman diba. It's not stealing.

I have to agree with soldier on this.

[intsik siomai]

^Your gf/bf is NOT YOUR POSSESSION. It's a human being with freewill. And a verbal agreement only holds true up to a certain point. Or up to a point where it's comfortable and convenient for both.

[intsik siomai]

^Invi, FA, so technically, it's not stealing, but the girl was committed and she dated another man and went with him before he left her bf--it's ok? (may overlapping pa rin, ha, see?)

What if we change the word STEALING to OVERLAPPING?
Is it ok to overlap relationships? Yung medyo malabo yung isa(current) but he doesn't wann break up YET to WORK THINGS OUT, then you start the getting to know stage already with another man?

[F-A Soldier]

The truth is we call it 'stealing' because like Stockholm syndrome we feel like we shouldn't put blame on 1. ourselves (for being bad partners for them to leave) 2. that someone we called special someone who was 'stolen' (because we love them and we can't believe they'll leave us for someone else...it just hurt to much to face the facts---they didn't love us anymore or as much as we thought we had fantasized).

So where to be put the blame? The third party. Why? It's easy because we don't know them, it immigrate the blame and spotlight on us or our SO's, and lastly a scapegoat for everything that's wrong with the relationship. It's not because you were always busy, or didn't appreciate her, it's not because she's a slut and a liar and didn't love you as much as you wanted to.

I'm borrowing from Mr. Covey on this one, paradigm shift esp. on blaming.

Think about it, between the 'thief' and the 'stolen' who has concious knowledge that they'll be leaving and losing someone if they did things ie cheating? It's not that the third party shouldn't care, but in reality the one 'being stolen' has much more intimate knowledge of who she's hurting and leaving and losing when she's/he's cheating---but she/he did it anyway knowing full well what she's doing is wrong or knowing that you'll feel horrible when and if you find out. Am I right or am I right?

You cannot, like rape, force the willing. Let's be honest with ourselves and or to those we left, lied and cheated to. It's truth.

[F-A Soldier]

^Invi, FA, so technically, it's not stealing, but the girl was committed and she dated another man and went with him before he left her bf--it's ok? (may overlapping pa rin, ha, see?)

What if we change the word STEALING to OVERLAPPING?
Is it ok to overlap relationships? Yung medyo malabo yung isa(current) but he doesn't wann break up YET to WORK THINGS OUT, then you start the getting to know stage already with another man?

The it's not stealing babykins, because she left on her own accord.

You can't rape the willing.

[invi]

If we're calling it overlapping rather than stealing, then our perspective changes. FA is right, we always blame the third party when this happens, but the truth is she/he is just a scapegoat for what's wrong with the relationship.

When we say overlapping, the action is done by the one in the relationship.

I think it's okay if the overlap happened unintentionally or by chance. Say you just met the other person and found something in him/her that you liked. When after it's evident that your feelings are stronger for the third party than your current SO, that's when I think you should be decent enough to be honest. Or at least just break it off with your current SO. If you overlap for so long, then you're just being a d!ck.

I always think it's wrong to take advantage of other people's feelings.