Is it Ok to steal someone else's partner? (gf/bf/wife/husband/mistress/mister/lover)

[intsik siomai]

Eto, huling hirit na. Human nature gets the best of us, lagi kasi tayong pinangungunahan ng perspective/ugali natin na "ayaw kong makialam, hindi naman ako tinatanong, saka... problema niya yan, hindi ko problema yan". So, walang nako-correct. Kahit may mga taong gustong ma-correct/gustong maayos, di na nila naaayos kasi walang gustong mag-point out kung ano ang dapat ayusin.

^Gawain ko nga yan sa mga friends at relatives ko, kaso ako ang napipintasan dahil nga bawal daw makialam, diba? Eh kung sabi sa akin, sukang suka na sya sa life nya, at i-correct ko ang life nya kasama na ang advice na lumaban sa asawa nya at sa magulang nyang mapang-api, ako pa rin ang mali dahil nangengealam?

[intsik siomai]

****** siomai: I have many friends who are like you. I'm not necessarily like you, meaning it's okay for me if wala akong kapalit at nakipaghiwalay ako with my bf. I can't say it has not happened to me though, hindi naman ako nagmamalinis.

Extreme example ko lang yan, and also an example of some girls that I know. I understand where they are coming from.

Ibang case yung you don't want the guy anymore, but you stay, hoping someone makes you sulot. Ibang case rin yung bf is good but not great, he's the best so far, but shopping pa rin for someone more satisfying and solved na...I think dun sa 1st case, dapat hiwalay na kahit walang kapalit. Kasi sure ka na ayaw mo. Dun sa 2nd case, passable, possible, but not 100% certain. Eto yung mga relationships na tumatagal minsan ng taon, tapos last minute exit strategy. Look at Dingdong Dantes and Karylle, and Marian Rivera.

I'm simulating lang, ha. Ok kay Dong si Karylle, maganda, edukada, talented, karesperespeto, disente. So stay sya. Medyo bland personality at stuck up,,, stay pa rin. Ok pa rin. Here comes Marian Rivera, saksakan ng ganda at sexy, palengkera pero punong puno ng buhay, cheerful, funny, equally rich and successful.. Yun na. Bye bye Karylle!! Marian left her bf to be with Dingdong. Dingdong found ways to infuriate Karylle so she'll be the one to break up. Kahit technically, nakipagbreak muna sila sa mga bf at gf nila, essentially, sulot yon, stealing. stealing.

[vincex]

i'm all for improving oneself. people should always try to better themselves when they can. however, the idea of doing this for the sake of keeping a lover doesn't sit well with me. people should be doing that for themselves and not anybody else in the first place.

I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU ON THIS. A partner should not be the reason why you are improving. It just so happens that improvement is the consequence of competition. sometimes some people will refuse to improve (esp. girls) and sometimes a partner is all the reason they have to improve.

[vincex]

if you refer to it as stealing, then it is the act of taking something that belongs to someone else. But if both parties like each other kahit may karelasyon na silang iba then the feeling of belongingness transfers over which does not constitute as stealing. But if they stay with the current relationship while the want to belong to someone else exists... won't someone be considered in possession of someone else's happiness?

Kasi para sa akin, I do not consider people as property. No one belongs to anyone. Free will and choices. She's free to leave if she wants and if she wants to be with me... they better let go. Not a lot of people look at relationships the way I do which is why I exercise caution when making a girl want to be with me. I understand human behavior all too well (ie. Some guy named chavit).

Nice. I was complaining to someone prior to logging on that for some reason... MANY PEOPLE IN PEX can't seem to get my point (that I mentioned earlier) that NOBODY IS ANYBODY'S PROPERTY.

Somehow that all plays into the dynamics of "loyalty", "trust" etc... Without the property issue, then there would be a paradigm change on the matter.

[vincex]

It's not a matter of panunulot, bantay-salakay, stealing or usurping, because, bottom-line, everyone has a choice.

A guy can make all "damoobs" and exhaust every means at his disposal to "steal" a girl in a relationship, but if the girl is adamant in sticking with her partner, then all that effort goes to waste.

I'm honest enough to say that I've been a victim of betrayal and “usurpation”. One dude even mocked me by saying "Pare, wala namang batas na bawal manulot...ako pinili ng gf mo" I hated it. But I realized it wasn’t my fault. Sure, I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend; I have my own flaws and idiosyncrasies. However, my gf made a choice (that I can do nothing against). The guy just supplied the motive and temptation. Even if I opened a can on him and smash him to a pulp, my gf would not return.

However, I did try girlfriend-stealing. It’s like playing with fire, and one must be prepared to crash and burn, most of the time. At first, it did not sit well with me : for one, it was just me being selfish and second, I’m the bad guy because I’m destroying a relationship. There was this one girl who cried in front of me. She said she liked me a lot but she couldn’t bear the thought of betraying her bf. Whether it was her tears or a pang of guilt, I replied that it pained me to put her in such a precarious position. I admired her resoluteness and honesty, so despite my good intentions, I let her go.

Eventually, it all changed. It wasn’t a matter of being not satisfied with “leftovers”. I had to be true to myself. All is fair is love and war as some have already pointed out. Win or lose, you just have to deal with it. Most of the time girls will be honest enough to tell me that they can’t. Hindi pwede. I’m ok with that. At least I tried and I won’t worry about the “what ifs”.

So answering the TS. Is it ok to steal a bf/gf? Yes. Except if it’s your friends’/relative’s bf/gf.

Marriage, on the other hand, is another matter. That’s already a crime in my book --adultery.

In my book. Marriage is just another legal terminology and should stay that way. A legal terminology. Someone invented that for describing a societal structure to unitize and cause conformity.

In the real world. Its all free for all. Like you said. All is fair in love and war.

[vincex]

There are some instances of what? o.O

Many girls fall into my category? o.O what category?

Bakit? Kelan ba nagiging "yummier" ang isang tao para sayo, mapa-babae man o lalake?

Bottomline with your girl 1 and 2 are almost one and the same. They are both temperamental, insecure, baggage-filled women that's why no one wants them. Kahit naman sa lalaki ganun din naman di ba. If a man is full of baggages, no matter how hot and yummy he could be, there would be women who wouldn't want him. But operative term is "there would be women who wouldn't want him". Those women who are desperate/have the messianic-complex, they would settle for these men.

Now for these two women that you've mentioned who have these friends who are more of a liability than an asset, well I think, and correct me if I'm wrong huh. But I really, really think these women who couldn't correct themselves and their flaws, first and foremost think that there's nothing wrong with them. Like there's something wrong with everyone else but them. Maybe someone pointed out what's wrong with them a time or two, but it was still their choice not to look that direction. People are stubborn. I've met a couple of women (and men too) who I am so willing to give out my constructive feedback so as to improve their lives (and love-lives too) but they themselves 'settle' for the so-called, "if they love me, they have to take me for who I am" bull-shit. I mean, cmon. Do people really love you JUST for who you are? I don't think so. They love you only b/c they get something out of the relationship. The one who's being loved is actually just a vessel, a means to that lover's end.

I may haven't met girl # 1 but for girl # 2, quite surprisingly I've met two of them last week, on separate occasions. Both were old acquiantances. I asked them why they're still single, and surprisingly, both of them said that:
1) men are just insecure.
2) that men are just... well... they're just torpe.
Pero is it really? Are men just torpe? I definitely don't think so. Well I guess some are but not in general. 'Cos as far as I know if a man wants something, he tries his best to get it however way that is. These two women I spoke with do have 'strong' personalities. Outspoken, extrovert, smart, have their own money, could take care of themselves, and have her own savings and all that. But why are they still single inspite of? I see that both of them are stubborn and both of them think they're so perfect omg they're just being overlooked by so many.

Pero... Ano ba talagang hanap ng mga lalaki? Sabihin mo nga sakin, TS.
Ano ba talagang hanap nyo?

But I must say, women would get more 'good' (usable) feedback from men. And by good I don't mean positive, more of feedback they would learn from. But the thing (in general also) men won't like befriending women who have tons of issues anyway, thus, these women couldn't get an honest feedback from anyone either. Their so-called 'female' friends are just in a frenzy just as they are. Blind leading the blind, so to speak.

Okay I know I'm getting off topic here. Ikaw kasi eh.

Eto, huling hirit na. Human nature gets the best of us, lagi kasi tayong pinangungunahan ng perspective/ugali natin na "ayaw kong makialam, hindi naman ako tinatanong, saka... problema niya yan, hindi ko problema yan". So, walang nako-correct. Kahit may mga taong gustong ma-correct/gustong maayos, di na nila naaayos kasi walang gustong mag-point out kung ano ang dapat ayusin.

The category you mentioned prior. : (see below)
"the leftovers you're talking about either, 1) know what's their worth and they don't want to settle; 2) wala lang talagang nagkakagusto sa kanila."

Girl 1 and 2 are both falling under item #2.

As for the desperate women you mentioned. Many girls in a relation are like that. They try their best no matter how bad their situation is instead of looking for alternatives (like invi's suggestion).

I love your disdain for IF THEY LOVE ME THEY'LL ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM. many girls are full of that CRAP!

Regarding the issue on issues. Unfortunately,girls are more forgiving of male baggage unlike men. So men have the advantage on maintaining baggage department.

If you try to give your constructive feedback to these people, they may even TAKE IT AGAINST YOU, HATE YOU! hehehehe and that is reality.

I have tried to do that before with a friend of a friend. She was no friend of mine but I managed to set a neutral and objective mode. Eventually she asked me if I thought she was an A-S-S-H-O-L-E. I told her YES. and that awareness is the first step, the next is to improve on it. She didn't take it against me. Unfortunately, the effects of the discussion only lasted a few weeks. After that she that period she became a douchebag again hehehehe.

[vincex]

whether its about loyalty or competition, the question still applies: when will the vicious cycle end? If he or she has become ? still it wont end there.

Who said anything about it ending. Do we stop eating and breathing? Finding that stability and security is one illusion. We don't know if our business/job will still be around next month, year, tomorrow. Likewise we don't know if our parents, siblings, relatives, friends will be around as well. it's best to be always in the flow of the situation. Being competitive will at least give us more leverage to be on top of a situation.

[vincex]

Extreme example ko lang yan, and also an example of some girls that I know. I understand where they are coming from.

Ibang case yung you don't want the guy anymore, but you stay, hoping someone makes you sulot. Ibang case rin yung bf is good but not great, he's the best so far, but shopping pa rin for someone more satisfying and solved na...I think dun sa 1st case, dapat hiwalay na kahit walang kapalit. Kasi sure ka na ayaw mo. Dun sa 2nd case, passable, possible, but not 100% certain. Eto yung mga relationships na tumatagal minsan ng taon, tapos last minute exit strategy. Look at Dingdong Dantes and Karylle, and Marian Rivera.

I'm simulating lang, ha. Ok kay Dong si Karylle, maganda, edukada, talented, karesperespeto, disente. So stay sya. Medyo bland personality at stuck up,,, stay pa rin. Ok pa rin. Here comes Marian Rivera, saksakan ng ganda at sexy, palengkera pero punong puno ng buhay, cheerful, funny, equally rich and successful.. Yun na. Bye bye Karylle!! Marian left her bf to be with Dingdong. Dingdong found ways to infuriate Karylle so she'll be the one to break up. Kahit technically, nakipagbreak muna sila sa mga bf at gf nila, essentially, sulot yon, stealing. stealing.

I completely agree on the dong marian scenario there. I also agree that there is probably something inherently lacking in karylle that dong is proably tired of. (stuck up, bland, etc?)

What do you say to this scenario?
The girl is in a great relation and the partner is way more than passable. Suddenly someone comes along who is lightyears from the current partner. Do you agree that she should stay or leave the current partner? why?

[vincex]

Invi- yes its ok to keep on looking even if you are in a good relation. That's just my opinion hehehe. But that's what competition is all about.

[amor19]

Let's face it.

Finding partners is like a sale in the store. Usually, the better ones are taken first, and the leftovers are left to the rest.

Assuming that some people:
1. have high standards, ergo such individual is probably "occupied".
2. feel that somebody else's partner is more appropriate for him/her,

wouldn't it be more prudent to woo/sulot the subject from his/her existing partner?

There are a lot of social/evolutionary hindrances to this kind of activity but the reality is, the good ones are usually taken first.

Are we content to feast on the leftovers?
Do we wait for them to become "unoccupied"?

I'd just like to hear what people here have to say.

or maybe the "leftovers" wasnt on sale? the highly-priced ones, that's why not alot of customers wanted to get 'em. so what could they really do other than just chill on their shelves? they're the girls who didnt think of settling for less than what they know/think they deserve.
or they could be the cheap ones in the store, you dont even have to put them on sale. maybe girls who arent attractive, it's mostly the appearance that makes your head turn in the first place. not the qualities, you wouldnt know the qualities unless you read the specs. (get to know her more and better).
i think it's for you to know if it's worth all the trouble. i guess it's okay to try to win someone's heart even when he/she's committed to someone else when you know the person isnt happy with the partner anymore. when you think they're incompatible. when you know you can offer and give her more than what this person is getting from the partner.
if you got him/her, i wouldnt call it stealing. a person is not a non-living thing. we have our own will, we can choose from all our choices/options.
now if my guy chose this one girl over me. it means we werent meant to be together.
if my guy ended up cheating on me though but didnt leave me and realized i was really the one for him and kept trying to win me back, then in some way when all will be fine and dandy again, it's okay...? "you never know someone's importance unless you lose him/her" i guess applies for that situation.

So, about my question... (ok lang naman daw kay vincex and no I don't want to create a new thread, so piss off.)

What if it's the other way around? Is it okay for someone to look for someone else while he/she is attached? Or is that another story? Okay, maybe not really look for someone else, but consider someone else while still in a relationship.

just like what ms. adi said, when you're taken, you're yummier. something like that. people dont end up cheating unless someone else is making them cheat on their partners. is it right to cheat? no. is it okay to be cheated on? no. but life is always unfair. that's something in this world the you gotta have to accept. sh*t happens i guess. hopefully though, those of you guys/girls that cheated then chose the 2nd partner, made the right choice. cuz then it would suck being you, you got the right one, wanted to try something else, ended up not liking it in the long run. you held on to it already but you just had to let go to hold something else less valuable. you might be fortunate enough if another customer hasnt picked it up yet, but if someone has, you'll just have to wait until the customer returns the item. and what if the customer wont return it?

[adiposethoughts]

Invi- yes its ok to keep on looking even if you are in a good relation. That's just my opinion hehehe. But that's what competition is all about.

Hay. The complications of romance and relationships.


I'm not saying I have always been nice and gravely-loyal to my exs. I kind of looked around when I was in a relationship too. But usually, I guess it's just me, first few months --- siya lang mundo ko. But if I see something I don't want to live with... yan na. Ligoy ligoy na ang mata. (operative term: ligoy ligoy LANG)

Thing though, I don't cheat. Once I've decided it's not working out, that's the time I break up, then find other fish in the sea.

[amor19]

QUESTION:
*sana okay lang sa kay ts na magtanong dito*

If you cheated, not because you're a serial cheater. You cheated because you werent happy with the person you're with. And just like what ive read here, alot of people said something about girls usually not wanting to let go of the guy thinking it could still work out, not knowing that they're not actually compatible with each other blahblahblah or just do not have the guts to break up with their partners. Does that make you less of a person? Are there any instances that cheating is somehow okay? Like pretty much understandable.

[lancealmekian]

^ depende na yan sa moral values na na-instill sayo ng mga tao sa paligid mo when you were growing up. ultimately, it's what you think that matters.

for me though, A LOT of women put up with a lot of shit when they should just walk away. if you think you're one of these women, then cheating isn't cheating anymore. it's just simply getting real.

[intsik siomai]

^Yung example ni Ms. Amor na girls cheating because they are not happy anymore, that's frequently the reason why girls cheat. There is a significant # of girls who cheat, and that's the primary reason...That's an indirect way of telling the guy,"I don't want you anymore.."

Also, when girls cheat, we keep mum about it, social stigma. When men cheat, they let people know, so what, lalake naman daw sila.

[siyado]

Nice. I was complaining to someone prior to logging on that for some reason... MANY PEOPLE IN PEX can't seem to get my point (that I mentioned earlier) that NOBODY IS ANYBODY'S PROPERTY.

Somehow that all plays into the dynamics of "loyalty", "trust" etc... Without the property issue, then there would be a paradigm change on the matter.

the problem here i think is the use of the term 'stealing', which we haven't even clearly defined yet. i'm not trying to be pedantic here but it's relevant to bring this up because it is our concept of the word that objectifies the person we're referring to when we use the term. i don't think people are possessions either but i also think there's something to be said about anyone who's constantly forcing himself/herself to a person who has made the decision to have an exclusive commitment with somebody else. it is disrespectful, to say the least.

[intsik siomai]

Steal= get involved, have romantic relations with someone who has other partners
Date = go out, hang out

Steal and Date are just more "loaded" words, but essentially stealing is getting involved with someone who is also involved, the same way as dating is going out.

[siyado]

consider this:

a salesman keeps knocking on your door everyday peddling a product but you keep refusing him because you already have a similar product in your home. he may be right that his product is better than what you currently own but do you really want him to not stop till you buy his product?

i wouldn't. why can't he just wait till i go shopping for an upgrade? i've already heard what he has to say anyway.

[siyado]

Steal= get involved, have romantic relations with someone who has other partners
Date = go out, hang out

Steal and Date are just more "loaded" words, but essentially stealing is getting involved with someone who is also involved, the same way as dating is going out.

if that's the definition of stealing, then i'd stick by what i said before. if the girl is only very willing to go with the stealer, i don't think it's stealing at all.

[F-A Soldier]

^Exactly.

You can't take someone who want to stay. At least outside of gunpoint.

Fate has a way of telling you what is and isn't.

Those that stay through the bad times are the ones that are worth keeping.

[amor19]

^ what if the 'bad times' are being physically abused, kuya? okay that's too much, maybe verbally abused? the dude is too dominant. the dude constantly is insulting you when he's not in a good mood. contantly is yelling at you if you mess up, like let's say late on a date or such. or bad times like the dude 'slacking 'around' in the relationship, i mean like starting to mess around with someone else. those could be the 'bad times', is that still important that she's worth keeping kuya since she's willing to stay?
(or are you actually talking bout, you getting terminated, not having money for a while, or a member of family dying kinda bad times.)