loving a cousin...

[techno-organic]

i'm a 23 year old male who has been secretly in love with my female 1st cousin ever since we were young... she's 2 years younger than me... at first, i thought it was just like a brotherly love thing since i don't have a sister and our family is really close... they live in the province and we live in the metro but we go to the province every other weekend... i've had my fair share of experience with women that's why i believe that whatever i'm feeling and going through right now is not just some crush or infatuation stage...

we've been close since we were kids... but when we stepped to college, the communication lessened because of our busy schedules... but that didn't hinder us from keeping our closeness with each other... she'd text me every once in a while to check on me and i also do the same... she'd regularly send me sweet messages and i would simple reply with a "mwah" followed by a big smile and she'd reply the same... we usually tease each other and flirt with each other and both of us silently knew that that was our special way of making "lambing" with each other...

we saw each other last weekend and i stayed at their place for the enitre weekend... she and her friends had been planning to go out partying and bar hopping that weekend and she asked me to join them... so i did... she introduced me to her friends and all of them gave the same comment... "kuya mo? ah pinsan mo pala, kala ko kasi lovers kayo..." she'd just respond to them with a cute smile... anyways, time flew by and the sun was about to rise so we all called it a night and went home...

one of her friends came with us to sleep at their house because she said nobody will open the door for her at 5:30 in the morning so she'd just spend the night at my cousin's place... i teased her by whispering in her ear "ayos lang ba sa iyo na tabihan ko iyang kaibgan mo mamaya?"... she replied whispering "hindi, tabi tayo... mamaya anong gawin mo diyan sa kaibigan ko..." while giving me her infamous "sungit look"... so my cousin and i slept at the same bed, nothing new with that... her friend slept on the other bed in the same room... she slept on her side while i lied down on my back thinking about everything that has been going on between the two us... then i couldn't take it anymore so i hugged her while i tried to get some sleep... to my surprise, she still wasn't asleep... so she turned around and hugged me back... i really felt happy that moment... it's as though she was reciprocating the feeling i'm showing her... the moment got the best of me so i kissed her on the forehead while we were hugging each other... she responded by just hugging me tighter... it was right that very moment that i knew that i love my cousin...

when we woke up that afternoon, i knew her friend saw us sleeping like that because i heard her got up and used the bathroom... a few minutes after i woke up, my cousin woke up... i was waiting for her to take my arms and legs around her since i knew that she might be conscious of what her friend might think seeing us like that... but to my surprise, she just turned around and let me keep my arms around her as she and her friend started talking about the fun-filled night they had last night... after an hour, all of us decided to get up and have lunch... her friend was the first one to go to the bathroom for a shower... my cousin then used the bathroom next... then me... i was surprised as i came out of the bathroom... both ladies, my cousin and her friend, were just fixing themselves up while just wearing bras and panties... my cousin's friend, who was ironing her hair, quickly grabbed her towel, turned around, and quickly covered herself up... my cousin on the other hand, who was putting on lotion, carried on by not minding me... i can't help but oggle at her beautiful body and flawless skin but the gentleman within me caused me to turn my eyes away from her... the three of us got dressed up and went out the room to have lunch...

after having lunch, we went out the house to get her friend a cab because she needed to get home... when we finally got her friend a cab, we got our own cab and headed for the mall... i put my left arm around her and held her hand with my other hand all throughout the cab ride to the mall... and she didn't mind... we spent the whole afternoon shopping... then we had an early dinner because we were supposed to watch a movie at 6pm... we just enjoyed the movie while having our arms wrapped around each other and holding each other's hands from time to time... after the movie, we decided to go home early and just watch some dvd movies...

on the way home, while we were waiting for a cab, she got a text message from one of her male friends saying, "nakita kita sa mall na may kasama... ikaw ha, sino iyang kasama mo? boyfriend mo?" and she showed me the message while she was composing a reply to it... she replied to her friend saying, "kuya ko... pinsang buo ko..." after sending that reply, she looked at me saying "kasalanan mo kapag mabawasan mga boylets ko..." by the way, she never had a real boyfriend... just a couple or so MUs... i would know because she's very open to me about her love life and other things as well... we eventually got a cab and headed straight home... watched a couple of dvd movies before we finally decided to sleep... i slept on her bed as she used the computer to check her e-mails, friendster, facebook, etc...

i woke up around 430am sensing that she didn't sleep with me on the same bed but on the other bed (her younger sister's bed) in her room... so i grabbed the pillow and comforter and moved at the bed she's sleeping at... i lied beside her and hugged her as i went back to sleep... after a few hours, i woke up and kissed her on the cheek... then i whispered good morning in her ear... she still wanted to sleep but i decided to be makulit and showered her with more than a couple dozen kisses on her forehead and cheeks... she only opened her eyes when i gave her a gentle smack on the lips... then we stayed in bed talking about the fun we had the whole weekend...

then i heard a knock on her bedroom door and her sister, who just got home from a weekend outing with her friends, greeted me saying "good morning kuya! anong oras kayo uwi ng manila? libre mo muna ako bago kayo bumiyahe!" i didn't take away my arms around my cousin as her sister and i talked about all the fun she missed while she was away for the weekend... my cousin finally got up and i got up as well because we were leaving for manila after breakfast...

when we were about to leave, she said, "ingat ka sa pagmamaneho ha... text mo ako kapag nasa bahay ka na..." i replied by just saying, "okay..." then i got in the car... i quickly got my phone and texted her, "thanks ha... this has been the happiest weekend i've ever had... sana next time ulit... text kita pagdating namin ng bahay... ingat ka lagi... mwah..." we were somewhere in nlex when i got a text message from her...

it was a quote saying, "i don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go... it's like we're scared to lose what we don't even really have... some of us say we'd rather have that something than absolutely nothing... but the truth is: having it halfway is harder than not having it at all..."

my older brother riding shotgun got mad at me for checking my phone while driving... so i didn't get the chance to send her a reply... after 4 hours of traveling, we finally got home and i immediately sent her a text message saying we're already home... i didn't get any reply... then she texted me "good night! ;p" last night but i was unable to send her a reply because i ran out of creds and the ever trusty sari-sari store is already closed for me to have a reload...

i texted her "good morning... ;p" this morning and i didn't get any reply... haaay... i really miss her...

if you got this far in reading my post, thank you... just wanted to share this here since i know this is a topic i can't openly talk about even to the closest of my buddies... times like this, i really love the interweb...

[kaningbrown]

I'm just curious. Have you ever been into other relationships? If yes, when was your most recent one?

Crushes are normal I suppose. My take on this is that if you push with this relationship, and even if she consents, there's a large chance you two will be doing it under the scrutiny of society, which can be unforgiving at times. You can say that love will find a way, but as a general rule, we should try to avoid what we can. While you might be able to love her enough to endure the suffering it will bring you, will you love her enough to endure her suffering because of it?

[purpleheadd07]

ang haba...

the thing is, wala naman atang patutunguhan ang relationships with first degree cousins kahit gustuhin ka din niya.

go out, meet more people outside your family. andami daming singles sa mundo why stress yourself out with a relative?

[JUST_JT]

Inbreeding is not good ... you might produce malformed offsprings....

-Just_JT
Go.find.someone.else.

[forbidden_30]

...hmmmppp...ts...lam ko yan...ahahhaha...same tayo pinagkaiba lang natin eh mag second cousin na kame...as in naging kame talaga...same lahat as in super close kame dati hanggang sa naging kame...masarap na mahirap..nag last kame ng 2 years na patago dameng hadlang and sacrificies ...pero kahit gaano pa namen ka mahal ang isa't isa..all of the sudden nagka hiwalay din kame...it just that mahirap talaga ang situation...lalo na patago pa...yun ang unang una mong pro2blemahin...kaya kung ako sayo mag isip kang mabuti...kung mahal mo talaga sya ipaglaban mo ang tanung kaya mo ba?...mukha naman kaseng mahal ka din nung girl.., pero kaya mo bang harapin ang lahat ng risk na dadating????pero sinasabi ko sayo mahirap pero masarap......kaya mo ba sya ipaglaban kahit na itakwil kayo ng mga family nyo????...stable ka naman na yata sa buhay magpakalayo nalang kayo if ever na maging kayo nga....habang maaga pa pag isipan mong maige....habang maaga pa lang makaiwas ka na...divert mo nlng yang feelings mo sa iba para maka iwas ka..baka magtuloy-tuloy pa yang feelings mo sa cousin moh mahirap yan...at nasa sayo yun ts ikaw pa din mag dedesisyon....well gud luck nalang poh...:l:..na share ko lang din...hehehe..kaka break nga lang namen last march eh...pero traumatic ang nangyareng break up samen...:bop

[techno-organic]

@ kaningbrown - yes, i've been in other realtionships... seryoso, fling, laru-laro, open, mas matanda sa akin, mas bata sa akin, may anak na, kabit ako, etc... most recent was this summer, it lasted until the last week of june... noong high school, puso lagi pinapairal ko pagdating sa relasyon... pagdating ng college, utak naman... it came to a point na obious na mahal na mahal na ako ng babae pero kakagamit ko ng utak nagiging manhid na ako at kapag sigurado na akong mahal ko iyong babae huli na kasi hindi na niya ako mahal... i'm the type of person who "laughs" at the eagles' song "love will keep us alive" kasi alam ko na hindi totoo iyon... also iyong kasabihang "it's you and me against the world" alam ko ring hindi totoo iyon... but with what i'm going through now, i think i'd rather be stupid and be happy rather than knowing those things aren't real and be depressed...

@ purpleheadd07 - pasensiya na kung mahaba pero salamat at binasa mo... i have a very healthy social life, malawak din ang connection ko... i get to meet and go out with gorgeous single ladies every weekends... heck, i even have my own set of "speed dial muses" for the purpose of instant dates whenever i'm bored and got nothing to do... but the thing is, none of them really makes me happy...

[kreuk]

how would u feel if ur children get involve with the children of your siblings. that's really yucky.

ano ang perception mo sa father - daughter incest?! kadiri siya diba kapag pagnasaan mo sarili mong anak. 50% of their genes are exactly the same.

parang halos ganon parin yun sa iyo. in your case... you're also sharing a large percentage of the same genes(random average of 25%) that's really gross. ewwwwwwwwwwwww

[techno-organic]

@ JUST_JT - i've done my homework and i came across this over the interweb (check this link: http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=overview)... plano ko naman talaga magpagene testing muna kami ng kung sino mang mapapangasawa ko para malaman namin ang pwede maging complication ng magiging baby namin...

@ forbidden_30 - i hope you wouldn't mind sharing with us your experience with this kind of relationship set-up... if you don't feel comfortable posting it here, i hope you could send me a private message so that we can talk about it outside this thread... thanks...

[kreuk]

im a conservative when it comes to this issue. probably malulusutan mo yung 'genetic problems' that goes with first cousin relationship lalo na kapag u both come from good robust genetic lineages.

but what about the psychosocialbehavioral aspects? it's just really gross to have a romantic and sexual desires for your cousin. what's keeps you from falling in love with your goodlooking and hot sibling?! or is it because nagkataon that you don't have a hot goodlookng siB?

[techno-organic]

@ kreuk - that's your opinion and i respect that... i'm a psych major and i've already thought about that as well... psychosocial? behavioral? i believe that most filipinos are not open to this kind of relationship and it is considerted a taboo in our society because of various reasons... it all depends on how open-minded the society is to the idea... i don't have a sister so i treat all my female cousins as though they are my sister... i am close to all my female cousins, even my 4th degree female cousins... but with this cousin, it really is different... and by the way, artistahin lahi namin (mga guwapo at magaganda)... i hope you can give a minute or two of your precious time in checking this link: http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion...

for future discussion, let's make things clearer by defining the common terms involved in this topic...

incest - 1. sexual relations between persons who are so closely related that their marriage is illegal or forbidden by custom.
2. The statutory crime of sexual relations with such a near relative.

source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/incest

immediate family - spouse, parents and grand parents, children and grand children, brothers and sisters, mother in law and father in law, brothers in law and sisters in law, daughters in law and sons in law. Adopted and step members are also included in immediate family (see also first degree relative)...

source: http://www.businessdictionary.com/de...te-family.html

1st degree relative - spouse, parent, sibling, or child

source: http://www.businessdictionary.com/de...-relative.html

so by definition, hindi incest ito...

[purpleheadd07]

well, if you truly believe that you are okay with falling in love with a first degree cousin then what's your dilemma here?

[techno-organic]

@ purpleheadd07 - the dillema? siguro nga wala... i just want to hear other people's stories on falling in love with a cousin... kung paano naging sila, sila pa rin ba, kung hindi na sila bakit at anong nangyari... ganoon... if this thread has been posted in the wrong section, please help me contact the moderator so that it can be put it its right section... thanks...

[kreuk]

so it's a matter of open-mindedness? so a father can use that reasoning to explain why he slept with his own daughter? you are not 'hurting' anyone. that's the only thing im sure. i just find it disturbing to the concepts of familial love.

i know a guy who had sex with his mom - kasi both are drug addicts.

[purpleheadd07]

what does your family say about this? do they support you? how about your friends?

if you believe that there is nothing wrong with it then why resort to opening it out here in the cyberworld while you wallow in anonymity?

think. think!

if you don't think that it's not a dilemma then we intend to let you have a dilemma out of this.

[kreuk]

and may i also add... The Bible is not a good way to convince other people. you're using religion to shield urself from public scrunity? i understand why you would. must be a lot of 'pressure' to calmly fit in society. if u want to have an incestous relationship then just do it.... but if i were in your shoes... i won't go about telling other people "well the bible said i can do it, so im doing it". it's just not rational and it is insulting to the intelligence of other people (well that's my POV).

guess what... the bible also said that if you had sex with a menstruating women you will be exiled.


"Anyone who goes uncircumcised is to be exiled from his people (Genesis 17:14).
If a man has sex with a menstruating women, both are to be exiled (Leviticus 20:18).
A man who marries a mother and daughter must burn in a fire (Leviticus 20:14).
If two men have sexual relations, both must be put to death (Leviticus 20:13). - kawawa naman mga bading

[bambi7]

Magpaconvert ka na lang sa muslim para pwede cousin-cousin

Just kidding. Seriously, it's not healthy so you have to get out of it as early as possible. No other way around it.

[glenchuy]

relationships with cousins are a no. even if you win, you lose. so why bother? spare yourself the headache and go find somebody else. like a third cousin.

[techno-organic]

@ kreuk - our "relationship" is nothing sexual... it leans more on the romantic side... we're not under the influence of alcohol or drugs when we cuddle or show our affection for each other... i really appreciate your effort in following this thread... but i really find it unnecessary for you to say something like "i know a guy who had sex with his mom kasi both are drug addicts"... sana diniretso mo na lang... either way, thanks for another comment on this thread...

@ purpleheadd07 - i think our whole clan already noticed our "extra sweetness" with each other but nobody has confronted us about it yet... i haven't asked her yet what her friends think but i think her friend that saw us cuddling (the one that slept with us on the same room) didn't make a big deal out of what she saw since she knows how close my cousin and i are... my friends know nothing about this... they know almost everything about me except for my love life... i vented it out here in the interweb because i wanted to get unbiased reactions from people i do not know and who do not know me... i believe doing that can make the reactions i'll be getting be more objective (since if i talk about this with the closest of my peers, their perspective of me can be a factor for them to give me a subjective answer...)... you're a witty one, i like that... i hope you'd regularly view and comment on this thread since the likes of you tend to promote a healthy conversation...

[kreuk]

Between adult siblings

The most public case of consensual adult sibling incest in recent years is the case of a brother-sister couple from Germany.[11] Due to violent behavior on the part of the father, the brother was taken in by foster parents at the age of 3 who adopted him later. At the age of 23 he learned about his real parents, contacted his mother and met her and his then 16 year old sister the first time. The now-adult brother moved in with his birth family shortly thereafter. After the sudden death of their mother a mere six months later, the couple became intimately close, and had their first child together in 2001. The public nature of their relationship, and the repeated prosecutions and even jail time they have served as a result, has caused some in Germany to question whether incest between consenting adults should be punished at all.[11] An article about them in Der Spiegel claims the couple are happy together.[11]

[kreuk]

Between adult cousins
See also: Cousin couple

Marriages and sexual relationships between cousins are viewed differently in many cultures, in both law and religion. In most countries, marriage between cousins is legal, though some religious and cultural restrictions exist in these same nations. Many jurisdictions in the United States and the Netherlands follow a more restrictive doctrine and legally prohibit such marriages as incestuous. [33] Whereas in some countries in the east, eastern Europe and some other places, the marriage between first cousins is allowed.[citation needed] Consanguineous unions remain preferential in North Africa, the Middle East and large parts of Asia, with marriage between first cousins particularly popular.[34] Communities such as the Dhond of Pakistan clearly prefer marriages between cousins as they ensure purity of the descent line, provide intimate knowledge of the spouses, and ensure that patrimony will not pass into the hands of "outsiders".