My love story goes like this..

[zarathos]

try to read my post here before. Welcome to my Life and For the better

[inLUvWit'U]

try to read my post here before. Welcome to my Life and For the better

i have read some of your posts too... just like the one from Tagalog pocketbooks i used to read before.. it was nice.. keep it up..

[inLUvWit'U]

the next days had been too busy for you and me... ikaw, sa trabaho mo, ako sa exam ko..

i asked you to come with me on the day of my exam, moral support ba... pero sabi mo hindi pwede, isa pa, andun na naman ang ate ko to accompany me.

i asked you if we could go out after the second day of the exam. i wanted to relax. sobrang gusto kitang makasama. sabi mo, hindi pede, me kelangan ka asikasuhin. sumama na lang ako sa mga dorm mates ko since we're going to star city..

i asked you when will i see you. and sabi mo by the end of the week siguro.. so how many days was left on me to stay in PI?

i told you that the moment i get back at the house, i wont be able to have time with you. marami ako kailangan asikasuhin sa bahay. so, you changed your mind, told me that you're going to pick me up early the next day, and bring me home...

that day too, was your first day of work. you'll be working in laguna. so how the hell on earth pa kaya tayo pede magkita? you need four hours travel to go back and forth to your place.. magkakaroon ka pa kaya ng panahon para sa akin? paano na ang memories with you na gusto kong baunin pag-alis ko?

anyways, the night before, i packed my belongings. everything. *** tipong hindi ko na kelangan bumalik pa ulit sa dorm for one bag...

i woke up early the next day. after how many days, makikita na ulit kita. sobrang saya ko. u texted me at five in the morning, u said ur up already and you'll be in my place between six and six thirty..

i didnt make myself ready yet. i said, id get myself ready if you're already in quezon city...

it was six'oclock. you texted me.

you: __ and2 n q s mrt. mlgo ka na..
me: ok po. ingat. c yah ***

fifteen minutes after, you texted again. i had my shower already
you: __, kelngan ko bumlik ng haws. nlimutn q *** ID q. sori, di n kta masu2ndo. d n q aabot ng 10am pg dnaann p kta. pde bng s inyo q n *** kw punthan? sorry talga...

mixed emotions... magagalit ba ako? malulungkot ba ako? i woke up early kase sabi mo susunduin mo ako tapos.. tapos...

[inLUvWit'U]

pero ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko? kung magalit ako sa iyo, mas magiging mahirap lang para sa akin ang pag-alis ko. isa pa, i dont want to stop you from having that job which you have dream for so long..

i told you sandali na lang ang stay ko... and you asked me, when am i leaving... sinabi ko sa iyo na natatakot akong hindi ka na magpakita sakaling malaman mong aalis na ako... but u promised na hindi mangyayari iyon. magkikita pa rin tayo...

from then on, i made a decision to tell you. that id be leaving on the 25th of the month. ten more days to go. barely a week and a half...

when you knew about the date, naramdaman ko how much you wanted to go back to Manila that same time to spend the rest of the days with me. kung pwede lang sana. malapit ka na sa Laguna non.

sabi ko sayo, okay lang yon. magkikita pa naman tayo some other days. puntahan mo na lang ako sa bahay. and now that you learn when is my flight, it seemed harder. its hard to say goodbye...

kahit papano, we have a relationship made out of love not of lust. a relationship made of trust and friendship.

ano na kaya ang mangyayari sa ating dalawa? tayo na nga ba? magtatagal kaya tayo kahit magkalayo tayo? o katulad ng iba, maghihiwalay din tayo? are we going to overcome the consequences of long distance relationship? gaano nga ba kahirap?

i know for myself na i can be as faithful as i could be. ive been to long distance relationship before. i know it didnt last long but i know i have a great fault with that one. i know myself and my heart. i could flirt maybe, but my heart always know where its home is.

i feel good having you. i never find so much peace like the one i have now while having you. the joy and comfort.. it was just amazing.. siguro, pure love. good love. alam ko masakit ang iwan ka, masakit rin ang magpaalam sayo. siguro mahirap ang mamis ka. pero bahala na. lets cross the bridge when we get there, ika nga..

[inLUvWit'U]

you were accepted on the job. graveyard ang shift mo. u rent a dormitory next to your workplace so you wont be going back and forth home. but since you knew that i was leaving. you took the risk of traveling four hours a day to see me.

at six o'clock in the morning, you'll get off from work. makakauwi ka ng house at around 9:30. you'll have your lunch, sleep by 11, then woke up again at 2pm to prepare yourself for work at 10pm. at 4pm, you're at my house. and leave at 6, sometimes 7.

you dont look so good at all. your face look so tired, from travelling and staying up late and having only three hours of sleep i guess. i know you never been a night person. pagstrike ng 12midnight, tulog ka na. depende lang un kung kausap mo ako, but most of the time, you're aslept already.

you tried to be more accomodating, charming and loving during those days. we talked about future, what would happen, how are we going to set things out. how and when are we going to talk when i left already. when are we going to see each other again...

you requested an off from your supervisor. you were new, and you took the chance of asking for a day off. we spent the rest of the day together. we're supposed to go to Tagaytay but my sister didnt allow me. She said, its not right to go. i would have my time to go out of town with you but not this time. you can go anywhere in Manila, but never out of town. isa pa, she said, i am prone to accidents since im leaving so no long travel for me. it felt so good that i didnt disobey her advice.

that Sunday morning, you picked me up for nine o'clock mass. siguro, we just cant let the day pass without going to the church first, which is what we always do. we had our breakfast at Mcdonalds. since we didnt have any place to go, we went to my bestfriend's house.

for the very first time, my bestfriend saw us together, and even though you knew each other, i introduced you to him as my boyfriend. and she was laughing. i know she's happy for the both of us.. we had lunch together. nihatid natin siya sa bahay and we went away again. it was just around one' oclock. ano bang gagawin natin? san ba tayo pupunta? we decided to go to the mall and just watch a movie para lang me magawa tayo.. it was our first movie together..

siguro, weird tayo parehas. marami naman love story that time. The Lakehouse was being shown, pero bakit ba Fast and the Furious ang pinanood natin? hahahah.. nakakatuwa talaga. bakit kaya ganon? pero masaya ako that time. we're holding each other's hand while you're hugging me.. your embrace was so warmth and was just too comforting.. sana ganon na lang palagi. ikaw at ako, magkayakap tayong dalawa..kahit wala tayong sinasabi sa isa't isa, nararamdaman pa rin natin na mahal natin ang isa't isa...

[inLUvWit'U]

after the movie, we went to roxas boulevard... wala lang.. pinagod mo lang ako. im wearing heels that time and you dont want to sit on the bench. Since SUnday non, mga family ang andon. merong ibang couple na nagdidate rin katulad natin. nilakad natin ang roxas boulevard, baywalk in particular, then nakarating tayo sa star city and i dont know what was that place. basta *** me tiangge/store. maganda pala dun. i mean, *** katabi ng port papuntang bataan... *** sakay ka ng ferry. ive been there once before pero hindi ko napansin *** mga restaurant chains na katabi non..

oh well.. wala naman tayo ginawa. nagpikchuran lang tayo. naghintay ng sunset and then after, we went home...

ano pa ba ang nangyari pagkatapos non?

what i remember na eh *** despedida party ko. that was the day before i leave. sabi mo sa akin di ka na attend. ayaw mo ng crying moments or *** goodbye moments ba na makikita mo if ever pag dumating na *** mga classmates and friends ko.

gabi pa ang party. earlier that day, we met at the mall. well, actually hindi nga pala tayo sa mall nagkita eh.. nakakainis ka kase. i was texting you that time kase ive been waiting for you for how long. the last time you told me, nsa mrt ka na. it would only take you about 5minutes para dumating ka sa mall. pero 5 minutes had past and you were out of nowhere. i was trying to call you pero hindi mo sinasagot ang calls ko. u said, u need to drop to your uncle's house kase call of nature.. hay naku.. i still waited...

but i cannot wait any longer. i went home.. alone.. i was a little frustrated about you.. pero i cannot think about it this time.. about five minutes after i got home, you were there knocking on my door...

i was sitting on the floor. you opened the door yourself. tinamad na rin ako tumayo... and wahhh.. kilig.. you kissed me.. hahahha.. ang corny. ewan ko.. kase u kissed me on the lips which you never do naman pag nagkikita tayo. lagi ko pa sayo nireremind to kiss me on the lips kase sa cheeks mo lang ako hinahalikan.. but that day.. heheh. wala lang.. sweet!!!..

you sat on the chair, asking me what am i doing? that time, i was doing a scrapbook for the night.. a little remembrance from my friends... i asked you to help me out...

instead of helping me, you sat behind me and wrapped your arms around me.. *HUGS* *goosebumps* you kissed me on my nape and shoulders... are you teasing me? coz i think its working...

[tungtung]

bitin na naman ako. wehehhe

[inLUvWit'U]

i wish you would stop.. but hey, im glad, you did not... hahahah.. ang stupid ko talaga.. ano ba talaga gusto kong gawin mo? im running out of time..wala akong natatapos sa mga dapat kong gawin tapos makikipaglandian na ako sa iyo..

since sa house gaganapin ang party, i have to cook pa.. anong oras na ba? alas dos pasado.. malapit ng umuwi ate ko..

you continued kissing me.. and suddenly you stopped.. siguro, napansin mo na hindi ako nagreresponse sa iyo.. uy, gusto ko ang ginagawa mo kaya lang kailangan ko matapos *** scrapbook ko...

you stand up.. me kinuha ka sa pocket mo at binigay sa akin.. i asked you, "ano yan?"

sabi mo, "Buksan mo. pasensya ka na ha. hindi kase ako sanay. hindi ko nga alam kung tama ba ang ginagawa ko. sana magkasya sayo"

it was small. nakabalot sa maliit na tela. me box sa loob... in my mind, ayokong isipin na you're giving me a ring.. its seems like kase.. i dont know why but my hands are trembling.. siguro kase, dahil first time ko.. we were both standing then..

i opened the package.. it was a red, small, heart box.... MY God.. please no.. totoo ba ito?? you were looking at me then... siguro, tinitingnan mo kung ano ba ang magiging reaction ko if i saw what's inside...

i told you i cannot open it.. i gave it back to you pero hindi mo tinatanggap...

sabi mo pa, "sige na, buksan mo na.."

and there i saw, a shiny, grayish white ring with small hearts all around... my heart jumped. feeling ko tumigil ang mundo ko... i know it wasnt that so fancy ring that costs a fortune, but you know what? i really do appreciate it.. i just dont know what to say...

magkakasya kaya ito sa akin? i asked myself while i was looking at the ring..and so i told you "put it onto me"

you took the ring out of my hand and put in on my right ring finger.. and presto.. sakto.. ang galing..

and you said, "sorry ha, hindi ko kase alam kung ano ibibigay ko sa iyo.. kanina ko lang naisip yan. kaya hindi ko sinagot ang tawag mo sa mall kase malalaman mo na andun na ako. para akong *****, hindi ko kase alam kung ano ba maganda"

siempre, i was still staring at the ring on my finger.. mesmerized.. ive always wanted to have a ring kase.. i dont want to buy. my mom doesnt want to buy one for me.. hindi raw dapat.. i asked my ex bf before to give me one pero di rin niya ako binigyan... so siguro kaya ganon na lang ang feeling ko.. it was indescibable.. only, i know my heart is happy..

then you gave me a card.. katulad ng ring, rush mo na naman ginawa.. you didnt want me to open it right then. sabi mo pag nasa plane na ako..

and you were laughing.. sabi mo pa, you saw me at the food court of the mall while i was waiting for you. you were on the other side writing the card.. you saw how my face looks like nung inip na inip na ako sayo.. ay naku..

siguro, dala ng konsensya, binitiwan ko ang ginagawa ko at inasikaso na kita.. a little bit of this. and a little bit of that.. a kiss exchanged with a kiss. a hug with tighter hugs..

"thank you". that's all i can say for now.. deep inside of me, nararamdaman ko na *** feeling na namimis kita. i dont want to say anything... baka kase umiyak ako.. ayokong makita mo akong umiiyak kase maghihiwalay tayo... that's what you want.. sabi mo kase, mas magiging mahirap kung iiyak tayong dalawa..

so after an hour of kissing, and nibbling and cuddling.. i went back to my unfinished scrapbook.. hindi mo na rin ako kinulit.. and to be nicer to you, i even asked you to chop all the ingredients i'll be needing for my party, which in return you never did complain any.. hehehehh.. ang swit ko noh.. dati, i asked you to iron all my clothes from my closet and you did, and di ka rin nagreklamo..heheheh.. sabi mo lang, siguro, pag tayo nagkatuluyan, me yaya na ako, me katulong pa ako.. ok lang yon.. kaya nga kita mahal eh.. heheehehheh

[slicer]

Nasan Na Ang Kasunod?

[inLUvWit'U]

hayy.. ang sarap ng feeling ng kasama kita... un bang katulong kita sa mga ginagawa ko.. life's easier...

not less than an hour, one of my sisters came home from work. kelangan ko umalis to meet my other sister. isinama na kita. i forgot, you just came from work that night. hindi ka pa nga pala natutulog.

you let me took my ride first and then you went the other way back to your place.

THE PARTY.

at night at the party, i feel really glad that all my real and good friends came. the house was so full.. and there, everyone was asking where you are or if you're coming by. with an ambivalent emotion, i say to them, "no, he's working tonight"

they wonder why cant you just absent from work.i just said that we met earlier. siguro, okay na rin na hindi ka nagpunta. i wont be able to host the party if you do. kase siempre, ikaw lang aasikasuhin ko non kase nga ikaw ang pinakalove ko from all of them.. so okay na rin di ba?

since some of them, hindi ka kilala, i showed your picture. the one that we had when we went out... im really so proud to tell everybody that "hey, he is my boyfriend".

they were all happy for me..they knew how bad was my last relationship. as for them, i deserve someone better and they are positive that you are that person.

my former neighbor from the province cant believe at first that we're a couple already. pero masayang-masaya siya na boyfriend kita...

everyone said, sayang daw kase wala ka.. its their chance of meeting you...

i gave them my "diplomatic smile". the smile i give to everyone everytime that i want to answer questions and yet i cant find my words.

.... and so that day was the last time i saw you. tha last time we hugged you... the last time we kissed.. the last time,i felt too much love. too much caring.. the last time i felt, i was so extra- special.

[inLUvWit'U]

when everyone was gone, i felt so empty. that was the time i thought na sana i forced you to come to my party. i knew you would stay... maybe until my flight. i wish.. i wish...

but then, i found myself aslept with the thoughts of you simply hugging me and stroking my hair with your fingers...

id leave the house at 8pm, day after my party. my flight would exactly be at 12midnight.

i called you on your house phone. you're still there. i asked you to wait for me before i leave the house. then after, you can go to your work. you were so quiet, not the goofy guy that i used to know. your family knew that im leaving. siguro, binigyan ka nila ng space para ma-internalize ang pag-alis ko. hinayaan ka nilang maging tahimik. hindi rin sila nagtanong kung paano na ba tayong dalawa...

there were no tears. manhid ba ako? hindi ba kita mahal? bakit hindi ako umiiyak? hindi ko rin alam kung nasasaktan ba talaga ako na iiwan kita.

hindi ka rin umiyak. your voices sounded so firm. basta sinabi mo lang mag-ingat ako. everything will be fine. sabi mo, wag kita isipin.

on my way to the port, i texted your mom. i thanked him for raising you. she was very nice to me. she was very supportive on our relationship. sabi niya, wag daw ako mag-alala syo. she asked me how were we able to communicate with each other. if i have a roaming number. i told her, i dont have that kind of number. il be leaving my phone to my sister. that i would try to call as much as i could. she wished me good luck with prayers that i would be successful in my new home land..

i know that there's no turning back as i saw the man from the immigration marking my passport and stuffs.. you're probably on your work by now.. my stay in the airport has been too long for me.

i caught a payphone on one of the hallway and dialled your number. i took my chance. i wasnt sure if id be able to get a hold with you coz you're not allowed to have phones in the area. you leave it on your locker..

there... i heard your voice on the other line.. i told you im at the airport already. im just waiting. sabi mo hindi ka makapagconcentrate. ako lang ang nakikita mo sa halip na *** mga machines na hinahandle mo. siguro, hindi mo na rin maitago sa sarili mo na nasasaktan ka coz im leaving. so without a doubt, nasabi mo na lang sa katrabaho mo na "pare, *** girlfriend ko paalis na ngayon, papunta ng states". the fact that you dont know the person that much and its a personal matter to discuss.. whew!! i think you really have this big elephant sitting in your chest..

and whoever he is, babatukan ko siya, giving you a reply na "ay pare, malabo na yan. sa states ba kamo? ewan ko lang pero alam mo na, mahirap yan"

dang!!i dont think that at this point in time, you need those words to hear. grrr!!!..

i ended our conversation with the hope that you would hold on as i do.that you can wait til the day that i go back home again...

[inLUvWit'U]

WELCOME to the LAND of UNCLE SAM!!!

"All passengers of Flight 870, please proceed to Gate 3 to claim your baggage"

whew!!! the cool, humid air was trying to seep on my insides.. that was a long flight.. almost a day of just sitting, eating and sleeping.

im now home.. with my family... i should have been happy. i havent seen them for a long time. well, i knew i was..

did you ever get this feeling where you know you have it all and yet you feel so incomplete? there is something missing and you just cant figure out what it is?

coz that's what i felt when i first saw my new bed, a new sofa, new kinds of plate, the trees, new surrounding.. there's a beautiful site outside. no traffic jam..no more loud noises coming from jeepneys who are trying to keep away from a heavy traffic, yet and still cant go somewhere else but to the place where they have been stuck. the air wasnt too warm that you would sweat all over your clothes and would wish to change every two seconds past.. the air doesnt smell like rotten tomatoes or dead mice or stinky pee and poo.. what else could i ask for? everything was just everything that one would ever wish to have or live at. everything that you hate in manila, the pollution from air, noise... well, you just cant find it here.. and despite this beautiful place, the only thing that i was able to do is cry..

yes i did.. i thought i survived it all. i thought that i surpassed the agony of leaving you. i didnt shed tears for the past couple of days.. i cried once because im leaving my ever bestfriend but not because im going away from the one i learned to love. but now that i am here, i cried so hard that all i want to do is to go back...

the first night was terrible.. i cant even make a phone call just to tell you that "hey im here already". i was too shy to ask my sister or my mom to lend me their phones so i could make even just a quick call..

im okay during the day whenever im with my family.. like okay... i laugh. i smile. they gave me a two weeks to rest from all the stressors i had when i was in PI. but two weeks seemed very long for me.. i need to move. i need to let my muscles working... id die if i dont.. id die cause on my spare moments, all i can think of is you...

i cried... again. and again.. i cried more each day.. the thought of missing you and not being able to talk to you was just like what you see on those romantic movies where the leading lady and the guy would broke up even if they dont want to.. i guess its harder than what it is...

id dump myself on the covers of my bed each night. then you could only hear the sniffles. i almost lost my breathe as i cry.. i sleep on a wet pillow every night.. my eyebugs grew bigger.. i lost weight before when i had my review. and i know i lost more weight each day... i dropped down to 90lbs or lesser.. i couldn't eat so well.. the food was just so delectable and yet in my tongue, it takes like old stuffs.

what am i gonna do? i know i cannot cry each day and night.. but i came to the point when i dont think of you and yet my eyes are like waterfalls.. tears just keep flowing..

gusto ko ng tumigil pagiyak.. nahihirapan na ako.. my migraine which i used to have when it's too hot, keeps attacking my head. my eyes are just so painful... ang sakit-sakit na ng mata ko..alam mo ba *** feeling na gusto mo na tanggalin *** mata mo tapos ilagay mo sa isang lugar, hayaan mo siyang umiyak hanggang kelan niya gusto, para hindi ka na niya inaabala pa, para nakahiwalay siya sa katawan mo. lesser pain. tatanggalin mo lang naman *** mata mo... tapos panoorin mo na lang siya habang umiiyak siya. at least magkahiwalay ang mata at puso habang umiiyak sila pareho....

[kahlua_needz]

hahaha... i just spend time reading ur stories po... hahaha... npabayaan ko na mg a ka-cham8s ko... hehehe...

mdyo same *** story ng buhay pag-ibig nating 2 po... although i think im much younger and it just happen when i was in h.s. po.. and mgkabaligtad lmng po ***** tau ng characters kkung ikukuwento ko...

[kahlua_needz]

hahaha... i just spend time reading ur stories po... hahaha... npabayaan ko na mg a ka-cham8s ko... hehehe...

mdyo same *** story ng buhay pag-ibig nating 2 po... although i think im much younger and it just happen when i was in h.s. po.. and mgkabaligtad lmng po ***** tau ng characters kkung ikukuwento ko...

[inLUvWit'U]

gaano katagal ba ako kelangan umiyak? gaano ba karaming luha ang kelangan maubos para lang matapos ang lahat? bakit ba kase nung una, hindi pa tayo tuluyang naghiwalay. di sana hindi ko kelangang maramdaman ang sakit na iniisip ka..

habang tumatagal, hindi lang sa gabi na ako umiiyak.. kahit umaga pag gising ko. kahit pa tanghaling tapat. walang pinipiling oras ang pagtulo ng luha..

and then one day...

"halika, samahan mo ako sa store" sabi ng bunsong kapatid ko..

tinanong ko kung bakit. gusto daw niya bumili ng ice cream. maglalakad lang kami...

pumayag ako.. at the same time, tinanong ko na rin siya kung me extra money ba siya.. sumagot siya ng oo.. sinabi ko sa kanya na gusto ko bumili ng phone card. kahit *** pinakamurang phone card. kahit na *** tipong 10minutes worth of phone card..

she was very kind.. she lend me her last ten bucks with a promise that ill give it back to her on my first salary, with interest pa...

after we went to the store, i grabbed the phone and immediately dialled your number...

RING!RING!RING!

sana, nasa bahay ka..sana wala kang pasok..sana makausap kita.. sana.. sana..

[inLUvWit'U]

im so glad to hear your voice.. the very firm, husky voice.. oh how i miss you... somehow, the feeling of nothingness has been relieved..

after the phone call, my sister told me, "oh wag ka na umiyak jan ha.. nakatawag ka na. bawal ka ng umiyak"

just then i realized i cried even more..

___________________________________________________

i dont want to fake things right now.. im trying to remember what happened for the past months and its been hard.. when i wanted to write the happy moments and yet, how could i do it when my heart is hurting right now.. you're hurting me.. so bad.. that i want to let go..

______________________________________________________

after i guess a month of stay, i finally found a job here.. someting to keep me busy.. i tried to save my penny so that i could always make a call on you... before we talk like once a month..

your birthday was coming.. i sent you a birthday card and few of my pics here.. i hoped that you would receive it on your birthday but it got lost.. i dont know what happened but you havent got the chance to read my very first letter to you since i came here..

its good that i called you. it was only 5am at your place.. ang aga ko tumawag.. i want to be the first person to greet you.. i know if i didnt make that call, i wont be able to talk to you again since you're working.. you were surprise. you said you really appreciate the call i made for you.. though i cant be in your birthday, im happy that my dream of talking to you on your birthday has come true..

for the past months, im the one who has been calling you.. it doesnt matter to me if i spend lot of money trying to keep our communication..

there were times na kelangan ko mag-adjust ng husto sa oras mo.. it was so hard.. we are on a different time zone, im working in the afternoon and you are on a shifting schedule.. tiyaga lang talaga para macontact kita..

there were times na nakakausap kita, and id be glad if i was able to talk to you for a good five minutes.. that is kung papasok ka na sa work mo. kase pag tumawag ako syo, and you were sleeping, we hardly understand each other.. pagod ka, and i want you to rest, we sometimes end up arguing, so i try not to call you when you're home and sleeping, which is on the other hand my only chance of talking to you..

i had my chances of talking to every member of your family, them trying to apologize for you, not being able to talk to me. i tried very hard to understand. your mom told me that they cant talk to you either. kapag nasa bahay ka, lagi ka na lang tahimik kase nga pagod ka. hinahayaan ka na lang nila magpahinga. pag magigising ka, papasok ka na ulit. wala na sila sa bahay or natutulog na sila. you did rent a dorm, pero hindi mo na rin itinuloy kase hindi mo kayang mahiwalay sa family mo. add to it, hindi mo kayang mabuhay ng walang tv...

your first work had been a trouble for me.. a trouble for our relationship. na gusto kong magtanong kung talaga bang mahal mo ako. kung mahal mo ako, bakit wala kang time para sa akin? parehas lang naman tayo nagtatrabaho, parehas lang tayo napapagod, pero bakit ako, tinatry ko na magampanan ang responsibilities ko sayo. like just simply calling or asking how you're doing.

ang dami kong tanong sa sarili ko. ganyan ka ba talaga? i tried to compare my relationship with you with your relationship with the college girl. pano bang nangyari sa inyo? i concluded na hinayaan nio na lang magkahiwalay kayo na hindi kayo nag-uusap. kung halimbawa, tumawag ka sa kanya, okay na lang dun sa girl. kung hindi naman ikaw tumawag, okay na rin lang sa kanya. siguro, tinatawagan ka niya sa inyo, pero kung hindi ka niya tawagan okay lang sa iyo.. kaya naging magulo ang relasyon niyo..

and i told myself na hindi ko hahayaang mangyari un sa ating dalawa. if ever that was the scenario between the two of you, i wont let it happen again.

[sleepyhead_]

sorry po kung medyo slow ako ha? pero nde ko ma gets bakit biglang napunta sa states yung family mo? e diba nasa province sila?

[inLUvWit'U]

sorry po kung medyo slow ako ha? pero nde ko ma gets bakit biglang napunta sa states yung family mo? e diba nasa province sila?

half of my family is in PI. half of my family is in the states.. our place now is either in manila or here with bush. when any of them go to province, i always go with them. right now, im with my family, mom, dad, sisters. there are three more left in PI, so that's how it works.. sorry if i confused you.

the last time i went to the province was Holy week with mom and my sisters.

[inLUvWit'U]

if there is one thing i could hold onto to keep a long distance relationship, it is trust i guess.. you can say that you both love the person. you miss each other, everything and blah, blah, blah.. but that's it.. you just can say it.. if you were just saying it, for the fact of letting your partner know to make him/her comfortable or assure with the "love". whether the words spoken are just lies or the truth, still the only thing that would matter is the trust that you give onto the words if you would believe it or not.

Pano ka ba maniniwala sa partner mo pag sinabi niya sayo na wala siyang ibang babae kundi ikaw lang, consider the fact na hindi mo siya nakakausap palagi?

Maniniwala ka ba sa partner mo pag sinabi niya sayo na mahal ka naman niya, wala lang siya time para sayo?

How could you love somebody when you cannot spare some time for him/her?

Imposible di ba? pero ano bang pedeng gawin? it's either maniwala ako sa sinasabing mahal ako or maghinala ako na nagsisinunghaling ka lang sa akin...

are we allowed to date somebody else? after all, andito ako, anjan ka naman...

you made the rules of dating... sabi mo, i can date.. i SHOULD go out on a date... WOW!!!.. there were times you were and still pushing me to hang around with some people.

if i compare myself to other girls who have their long distance relationships, siguro maswerte na ako.. hindi mo ako pinipigilan to do what i want to do. don't you know well the consequences of dating some other guy??? you're the one who's pushing me through. sabi mo nga, kung mainlove man ako sa ibang guy, you would let me.. after all, you cant do anything. malayo tayo sa isa't- isa. marami pede mangyari... hindi natin hawak ang bukas and blah blah blah..

we have different rules when it comes to dating.. if you are allowing me, then im not allowing you to go out.. well, not basically. actually, you can go out.. but with exception to some people. especially your *****y, bestfriend, stalker,ex-girlfriend.. oh well, i dont know what to call her.. i dont want to be mean, but i just dont really like her.. you can go out with any other girls but not her... you go out and meet new fella, but never ever date with her.. you can even go out with your college girlfriend, i mind not at all..

whenever we would talk about that *****y ex girlfriend of yours, you always end up laughing at me, which is a little bit irritating you know.. it seems like you were so fond that i am mad at this girl.. kelan mo ba kase sasabihin sa kanya na girlfriend mo ako? edi sana tumitigil siya kahahabol sayo diba? baka kase kahit papano, she would know her boundaries..buti na lang, you are working. at least, wala ka na time makipagdate pa.. how could i be sure of that when we werent talking? wala lang.. its instinct. its trust. that when you tell me that you go home after work, i believe that you do. i know well your routine that i didnt make a hint that you might be fooling around.

you always tell me that if ever you fooled around, your family is the first one who would react and would get mad at you... ala, lagot ka.. lagot ka sa nanay mo... lagot ka sa buong angkan niyo... you know how much they love me... heheh.. i know i havent met them yet since ive became your girlfriend, but you know how much they have accepted me and how much they really like me.. sabi mo pa nga, mas mahal na ata ako ng nanay mo kesa sayo...

at least, kahit papano, nakakagaan ng loob. na kahit magkalayo tayo, i have my first line of defense to all the girls who want to take you away from me. makapamilya ka kase.. gusto mo, kung ano *** gusto ng pamilya mo, iyon ang masusunod. maswerte ako,kase gusto nila ako..

but it doesnt mean that i just rely to the likes of your family. pano kung di na nila ako magustuhan when time comes? i have my own flaws. pano kung ayawan din nila ako? when the right time comes that we'll be together, hindi naman ang pamilya mo ang makakasama ko kung hindi ikaw. pano kung di mo na pala ako mahal? that you just stay in the relationship kase ayaw mo magalit ang pamilya mo sayo? wouldnt it be so sad? ayoko rin naman ng ganon... it wouldnt be fair for both of us, me loving you, and you trying to love the likes of your family.

[inLUvWit'U]

sabi nila, its easy to find a job here in America.. sabi ko naman, kelangan mo maging matiyaga and at the same time, be not choosy and you'll have a job here..

in not less than a month since i was here, i got two jobs already.. i both passed my work interviews. it means, work, work, work.. less and less time to sleep.. you know a lot of people and you start dealing with the real world..

those are my first ever job.. excited ako.. i realized, it was hard but when you try to love the work that you do and you enjoy it, then, you wouldnt feel at all that its hard..

i met new friends.. me Filipino, me puti, me itim, me mexicana, me indian... me gwapo, me cute, me maganda. well, siempre, karamihan babae. on my first job, puro babae. the guys are volunteers. and i love to walk into a place where there are volunteers. on my second job, a quarter of them are guys.. cute, good looking guys...

im not the type of person who wants to date somebody off different color.. i still prefer my color. i prefer my race.. its still different when you go out with them or you go out with other races.. i would admit that there were times i am a racist, but i do make friends, like real good friends with the race i dislike.its just me..

and so from work i met this guy.. 5'8-5'9 in height. fair complexion, nice nosebridges, cute smile, clean haircut, not chubby, not very thin as well, Filipino, single, no strings attached... im not good in description. what else could i say is that, there were times that when i look at him, i feel like my world stops. and i would realize, ang gwapo naman niya...

we became friends. good friends. real, good friends.. he is on his mid-20's. maybe that's one of the reason why we became close. bata pa kami parehas and all our other company were married and old.

Marami Filipino on this job. SInce single kami (ako, single regardles of the boyfriend) lagi kami tinutukso sa isa't isa. lagi kami pinagpapartner. even the other races were asking if this guy was courting me or if we are dating..

i like him.. i really like him. that if i disregard the fact that i am committed already, i could fall into him. he's a nice guy. he makes me laugh. one could easily fall into him.

HE?? ahhmm.. KApaNGAlan lang naman siya ng boyfriend ko... that everytime i calls his name, i feel like im calling my boyfriend. HE??? he had no relationship or had no girlfriends for the pst two years. he was about to get married that two years ago, but his fiancee called it off.. he was so heart broken and trying to cope on his feelings. HE is the loyal type boyfriend who wants a long term relationship to lasts. He is a romantic (i guess) person. ONLY, he is so hyperactive. sobrang kulit. to the highest level ang energy. kung maikli pasensya mo, hindi mo siya kakausapin. To his co-workers, he is the person who always have a smile. kahit pagod. nakasmile. pag ngumiti siya, mahihiya ka na hindi ngumiti so magsmile ka na rin. he worked on this 2nd job of mine for more than five years so everyone in the house know who he is and how he is to people. and they all agreed that he is such a good person. HE?? He knows i have a boyfriend and i love my boyfriend..

we had our moments at work... everytime i see him, there was this feeling like, "i have a perfect day!". then we would talk. even if everybody teases us. we would laugh for nothing. since flirty, malandi ang nature ko, i did flirt.. oh well, all the girls are flirt, they just have different way of doing such act. with me, i do it very discreetly. i know my limits. i never go over it..

everytime na tinutukso nila kami, i go ride with him.. pero siguro, nasaktan talaga siya ng husto ng makipagbreak ang girlfriend niya sa kanya dahil niloko siya at ipinagpalit sa ibang lalake. coz the moment that he knew i have a boyfriend, sabi niya,

"hindi pwede, me boyfriend ka na. i know how hard it is, *** feeling na ipagpalit ka sa iba. i dont want to grab any chances just because magkalayo kayo"

sabi ng mga katrabaho ko, makipagbreak na ako sa boyfriend ko. siya na lang ang idate ko. after all, ang layo-layo namin sa isa't-isa. isa pa, walang kasiguraduhan ang relasyon naming dalawa.

sabi ko naman, ayaw ko. mahal ko ang boyfriend ko. siguro, proof non eh umiiyak pa rin ako every night dahil namimis ko siya.

but this other guy.. its confusing my feelings. i know what i want. if he asks me to date with him, i will go out. if he asks me to commit with him, then i think i would. oh, wrong.. papayag pala ako without a doubt. pero i know rin na, i would still go back to my real boyfriend. parang siya, just for fun, someone who would cuddle you once in a while.. not really for fun.. for comfort.

did we date? yes we did...