For my love one, i hope you can read this..
Whenever i tell a story about you, and someone asks who are you, when and how did i meet you, i would always say that you are my childhood friend. Then, my face would stare into nothingness trying to think of my memories with you when i was a kid.. to my disappointment, i cannot remember any coz i found out that you were never my friend. We never played childhood games. I never played hide and seek with you or tug o' war. We never had anything when we were kids.
You are the little kid who lives near my bestfriend's house every summer vacation. Maybe, i would love to say that you are my childhood enemy. You have this grouchy face. You never know how to smile. You dont even know how to say hi. I never found you good looking or interesting that time. Akala mo kung sino ka gwapo.. Ang pangit-pangit mo kaya...
Everytime you go to my province, people would always tease us.. Naiinis ako kase ayokong tuksuhin sayo. Hindi kaya kita gusto...
Hanggang sa di ka na bumalik. Nag-highschool ka na siguro. Hindi ka na nagbakasyon dun. HIndi na kita nakita. Pero who cares?
Nagcollege ako. It was so surprising, bigla tayo nagusap. You're taking infotech. Im taking computer studies. PInahiram mo ako ng book mo. Close tayo? ewan ko.. pero naguusap tayo sa telepono. Pumunta ka pa nga sa bahay para *** dalhin yung book mo. na after how many months kinuha mo rin. i would say you gave some effort para puntahan ako. Nasa magkabilang dulo kase tayo ng Manila.
Then, time slips by. Hindi na ulit tayo nagusap. Busy ako. Busy ka siguro. Wala na ako balita sayo.
Umuwi ako ng province. Umuwi ka din pala.
Siguro bored ka. tinext mo ako. Hindi ko alam ikaw un. wala ka kase sa phone book ko. Then nagusap na ulit tayo, na kala mo matagal na tayo naguusap. Parang close tayo. ang dami natin napagusapan.
The next day, we met. After how many years, non lang ulit tayo nagkita. You look so different. Hindi na ikaw *** pangit na bata na umuuwi sa province. You're taller. You look good.. Sabihin na natin, na gumwapo ka. pero hindi ko pa rin ikaw gusto..
Kinagabihan, nagala tayo. We went around the town. Iniangkas mo ako sa bike mo. It seems like you're hugging me as we drove around. You were so close that you can smell me and i can hear how you breathe into my ears.
We went over to a friend's house. Everybody asked if we're a couple. We just gave a faint smile. We cant say anything. We know we're not. Non nga lang tayo nagusap ulit. KUng bakit ako sumama at umangkas sa bisikleta mo, ewan ko. siguro i felt comfortable with you.
Nung umuwi na tayo, hinabol pa tayo ng aso. I just wish that time na sana tapos na, sana nsa bahay na ako para hindi ko na maramdaman *** awkward feelings towards you.
the next day we went out again. we went to the beach as if there's no other place to hang out with. the only company that we had were the stars and the sound of the waves. Sobrang tahimik. Parehas tayong hindi nagsasalita. I was so curious about you.
that night, i wished you would kiss me. or hold me. it was so cold. but you never did anything. sabi ko sa sarili ko, ang torpe mo. i was all yours that night but you never even dare to touch my finger. hanggang sa umulan and we have to go home.
the next night, we had our night swimming with some friends. ang sweet natin. you look at me so intensely. nakakatunaw. Naghabulan tayo sa shore. Nagbabasaan ng tubig habang tumatakbo. Everyone who saw us got envy. They all asked tayo ba? And still, we just smiled.
all i know is that i feel so special that time. well everytime im with you.
we never speak what's inside our hearts. If there is. or if there is none. basta, we enjoy each other's company.
we have clean fun. you picked me up at the house. you dropped me off after the day. there's no date that has been set.
our vacation had ended. we have to go back to manila. we exchanged numbers.
on the first few days, we talk. we talk on the wee hours of the night. but after a month or two, bigla ka na lang nawala. i tried to call you at home pero unreachable. then i became busy and so hinayaan ko na lang. hindi na ulit kita nakausap.
then one night, you called. you told me you went to a friend's house and they asked you how's your relationship with me. if you're courting me or you have feelings for me. you said you didnt say anything.
but it came out of your mouth that you love me. i asked you what you feel for me, and you said you love me.. shock a little bit. surprise i guess.. i dont know. you said you cant be my boyfriend coz im still in school. ayaw mong makaabala sa studies ko.
i was so disappointed in you. siguro, dahil kahit papano, i like you na. i was wiling to be your girl. pero ayaw mo. sana hindi mo na lang sinabi na gusto mo ako.
we still talked after that. we talk sweet nothings. parang tayo na hindi. walang i love you. walang i miss you.
pero siguro ayoko ng ganong setup. i know you have feelings for me. i know i have feelings for you but i cannot say it. so i told you that we should never talk again not unless you are able to stand up with what you feel for me. isa pa, i dont know how i knew it but you had a girlfriend that time.
and so we didnt talk. months. i forgot all about you actually. until i was rushed into the hospital and need to undergo an operation.
for the very first time, when i was lying on my hospital bed, you came into my mind and i wished that hopefully i would feel your presence..
thank God, my phone beeped. and it was you. of all people. coz most of my friends didnt know i was in the hospital that time. and you told me, that you were ready to have a commitment with me. but then i found myself not inlove with you anymore.
i told you, you have to start from zero. coz i dont feel anything anymore towards you. that time, you were just a common friend. you were just a friend. you were not special anymore.