Originally Posted by
uhlala
i will say this .. it seems that you are focusing TOO MUCH on changing your husband. well you know what? you are in for a loss cause coz YOU CANNOT.I can relate to you because i too have difficulty communicating to my husband . like you when theres an issue .. money,kids,in-laws,my depression .. i confront it, i would say .. we need to talk about this .. then he gets defensive he thinks im blaming him when all i want to do is discuss, then because i did not like the way hes reacting then im reacting .. then i get hysterical. its a pattern. that is one issue that we have - we dont communicate well, but ..i realized that men are generally like that, when someting is bothering them - they dont want to talk about it .. they want to be left alone, then tayo namang mga babae take that as " he does not care, he is rejecting me ... blah,blah blah.." theres a good book about communication "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.." it explains how men differ from women with their approach to handling problems and conflicts. first, dont take it personally, when your hubby walks out n watches TV .. he cares, that is just the way men react under pressure. siguro ayaw din niya na mg away kayo kaya imbes na mgsigawn kayo iwas na lang. in the book .. it said that because men are expected to provide and take care of problems, when there is a problem and they cannot fix it .. they dont talk it out they go back to "their caves" to re-think, and when they are ready, then they come out. like i said .. intead of focusing on changing your husband, focus on changing your attitude, instead of thinking why does he not want to talk to me, focus on that is just the way he is. the more they pull away, the more we push .. we ( women) need to respect mens need for space. my second point - how does your husband feel by pointing out to your husband that what hes doing (his job) and what hes making is not enough? masakit sa lahat ang pamukha sa kanila na kulang ang ginagawa nila to provide for the family. so if you are not contented with what he makes? again rather than pushing him to go out and take masteral .. why dont you? do you work?go have a business on the side, if money is the issue here. YOU CANT CHANGE OTHERS, but you can change your attitude. let me ask you something? wont u rather have a husband whos not too ambitious but hes there besides you and there to participate in raising your kid? kesa naman husband na malaki nga kita pero laging *** sa bahay and has no time to spend to spend with the family. i will leave you with this ..a succesful multi millionaire who was dying said his biggest regret "was not spending enough time with my family." you would never hear them say "i wish i had spent more time in the office, or make more money."
BY the way .. its a big mistake to think that to us women, di naman masyado important ang sex life. If anything .. the older we get, the longer we are married, the more we should look sex as 'important..' .I look at it this way, during the day, he works, i work, when we come home we take care of household stuff, look after kids, which can be very strssful, but when he goes to bed, he waits up for me, we kiss, we ..make love,thats the time we connect, thats the time we are focusing ourselves to each other, and only i can give him that. another tip .. make him happier in bed, make him feel his manhood is very much appreciated.Make him feel that he is still desirable and sexy. Malay mo .. ma inspire mas ipakita niya na MAN enough siya. Imbes na sabihin natin .." bat kasi hindi ka mag aral, o bakit kasi hindi ka mghanap ng ibang trabaho.. blah,blah.." lets say " darling lam mo bilib ako sa talent mo.. ano kaya subukan mong ..." . first you pointed his asset, his talent, then you ask " ano kaya" , instead of dictating.
i do not say my marriage is perfect .. far from it, i cannot even say im perfectly happy, but i learned to take what i have and make it work because of my commitment.
the way i see it, your husband is just being himself, you just expect too much from him. if communication is the problem, seek counselling, or go talk to your mom and sister, they may not solve the problem but the mere talking to someone sometimes helps. we women have a need to be heard.
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...puwede mo ba sabihan yan sa wife ko...ang hirap kasi paliwanagan yun...na tumbok mo lahat
problem is... i don't think we know (and understand) the word! 
