ehto sitwasyon namin. at sana may magbasa..
i cheated on him. twice! pero hindi niya ako iniwan. hindi ko sha mahal dati.. pero natutunan ko shang mahalin nung marealized ko na sha lang yung taong nandyan at nandito para sa akin. so ayun na nga, akala ko ayos na kami. pero pagkatapos kong lokohin nga siya nung pangalawang beses, he started treating me a like a piece of crap. i mean, fine he's there. but he doesnt treat me the way he treated me before. and i seriously do understand why he was doing that because of the fact that i cheated on him and i know that he's trying to protect himself naman.
so yeah.. months passed. i was getting used to the fact that im just a friend to him. like you know.. we're not really together pero parang kami pa rin. walang title. i give him his space. and i hardly even talk to him at all because i thought thats what he wanted. and little did i know that he was still talking to this girl that i am so jealous of.
he told me long time ago that he stopped talking to her. and this girl had the guts to tell me everything (i.e. what they were talking about and etc) last saturday.. after my ex or bf got in a car accident. after talking to this girl, i realized that i was exactly like her. i used to be that girl who always listen to his problems and etc. they're really close!!! like he even called her.. while i was talking to her just to check if she was mad at him!!!! he doesnt even do that to me anymore. and yeah.. i realized.. that im losing the man that i fell in love with. . that i also probably did and hasnt realized it yet. and sucks even more that he told her that i dont want him to talk to her.. and the girl told me that he still wants to talk to her.
so yeah.. there was more that she told me that hurted me so bad. and yeah.. i almost killed myself because i couldnt bear the pains. i have never felt those pains in my whole life. and yeah.. nakipagbalikan sa akin yung ex ko.. well not really.. pero sabi niya he'll stop talking to her and that he'll treat me right na daw. and yeah.. he actually picked her over me.. at first.. and then when i told him that i want him to stay and that i'll do something to myself if he'll leave me... then he said he'll stay.
pero yeah. i dont think i was fair. but then i was trying to protect myself.. i know that sooner or later he'll fall in love with her. he probably did.. but he just wouldnt admit it to me. and it sucks. argh.
and yeah.. i wanna move on and forget about him and just be damn fair to him. you know... let him do what's gonna make him happy. pero sabi niya.. do i really think that leaving him will make him happy? naguguluhan ako sa kanya.. and i guess naguguluhan rin sha sa takbo ng isip niya.
ewan ko. pero gusto ko sanang bigyan niyo ako ng advice kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. long distance relationship pa naman ito.. and yeah.. i live in california.. and he lives in chicago. i dont know if should leave him.. or endure all the pains that im feeling while i'm with him. sabi niya kasi before.. when he tried to leave me.. that makikipagbalikan daw sha sa akin kapag ayos na ang lahat. that'll be 2-3 years from now.
uuwi ako sa pinas in 2 months. and i hope na by the time na nandun na ako sa pinas.. ayos na ang lahat.