school jokes

[ross]

give some of your best school jokes wag na yung ama jokes kse sa kabilang thread ata yun eh

wag yung sobrang haba ha. wag yung tipong have you ever wondered how you would have faired as either an atenean or a lasalite kse ang haba nun eh

[Ada]

Walang mapipikon, okei?

It was lunch break, and three students were opening their respective lunch bags.

Student from UP: "Naku naman! Peanut butter sandwich na naman! Ayoko na! Pag bukas peanut butter sandwich na naman ang lunch ko, magpapakamatay na lang ako!"

Atenean: "Oh, man! Roast beef sandwich again?!! If I have to eat this again tomorrow, I'll kill myself!"

LaSallite: " --#@*%--! I can't believe I have turkey sandwich again! I don't want this anymore! If this is what I'll be having for lunch tomorrow, I'd rather die!"

The next day...

The UP student was heard to shout "Peanut butter na naman!", and proceeded to throw himself off a bridge into the Pasig River.

The Atenean saw he had roast beef sandwich again, quietly rewrapped his food, got his bag, went to his dorm room, and hung himself from the rafters.

The LaSallite seeing turkey peeking out between bread slices, cursed out loud, strode to the trash can, and threw the sandwich and the rest of his lunch in there. Then he got into his shiny new car and drove himself into a sturdy cement pole.

The next day, their respective mothers were being interviewed for the evening news.

Mother of the UPian: (crying) "Kung alam ko lang ho na gagawin niya 'yan, iniba ko na lang ho sana ang inihanda kong pananghalian niya."

Mother of the Atenean: (teary-eyed) "If I only knew he would kill himself over a roast beef sandwich, I could've asked his yaya to fix him something else for lunch."

Mother of the LaSallite: (sigh)"Ewan ko ba! I really don't understand why he killed himself because he was having a turkey sandwich again for lunch. E, everyday, siya naman ang nagfi-fix ng lunch niya."

[GARLiC]

Lasallite Turned Comatose After 5 hours of "TEXT"
Metro Manila, Philippines

An incoming sophomore of the De La Salle University fell into a deep coma after 5 straight hours of non-stop text messaging last June 1, the first day of classes for DLSU.

Witnesses said that the student, whose identity was not revealed, spent the whole morning exchanging text messages with his seatmates using his brand-new Globe cellphone, instead of participating in class
discussions. "He even skipped lunch because of text," one of his "textmates," who refused to be identified, said.

At around 2 PM, the student suddenly fell out of his seat and convulsed on the floor. His fellow Lasallites rushed him to the Philippine Veterinary Hospital, where he was transferred to the Manila General Hospital. The student was declared brain-dead at 8 PM, 6 hours after he collapsed in the classroom. Fortunately, the cellphone suffered only minor damage, despite bouncing on the floor several times.

Initial investigations show that the culprit in this incident is the microwave radiation emitted by the cellphone. Dr. Gonzales, the resident neurosurgeon at the MGH, explained that "radiation can kill body cells. Most cells can regenerate, but brain cells cannot. Normally, that's no big deal, because we have billions of reserve brain cells. However, being a Lasallite, the victim has only a small number of brain cells, and the radiation from the cellphone killed them all."

He hastened to add that "there is no cause for public alarm. This is an isolated incident that will probably never happen anywhere outside the DLSU campus. Although text messaging is a waste of precious time,
it is rarely fatal. As in everything else, moderation is the key. Remember, too much sex, ehe, text could be bad for you."

As of press time, doctors are debating on whether to take the young Lasallite off the respirator.

[wAgKaNgMaKuLiT]

hahahaha... kaso mahaba eh.
medyo nakakatamad basahin...

[Rockgardener]

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a
good idea if he solicited the support of a number of the Catholic Schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in
time for the Christmas Mass. The day before Christmas, the Monsignor
discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few
inquiries on why this was so.

* Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three
wise men.
* La Salle reported it couldn't come up with even a single
wise man.
* Maryknoll reported that it couldn't come up with even a
single virgin.
* San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise
gays.
* UP reported that they killed the three wise men.

[Rockgardener]

HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?

In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of
Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious in knowing what particular schools attended the big celebration. So he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess who he
found out and where he found them?

* UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
* UP Los Baños - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
* UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
* Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling.
*La Salle - they were eavesdropping
* San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were at the bedroom with some Paulinians.
* St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans.
* La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians.
* Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
* Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans . . .
like
always
* Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
* St. Scholastica - they were next in line with the bathroom.
* CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry.
* St. Louis - they were in front of the air condition.
* UE - they don't know what's air condition
* UST - they were everywhere
* FEU - they were nowhere
* MLQU - sob! they were not invited
* San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
* Letran - the Security
* Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
* TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
* NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
* JRC - they were the ones buying
* Adamson - went to Luneta instead
* Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
* CRC - what the hell is this party for?
* PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
* NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?

[mommyda]

mahirap lahat......
sa up, mahirap ang math.
sa ateneo, mahirap ang english.
sa la salle, mahirap ang parking.
sa assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
sa ust, mahirap umuwi pag baha.
sa st. scho, mahirap sumakay sa lrt.
sa san beda, mahirap maging lalaki.

where to go to college.......
if you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to up.
if you have some brains and some money, go to ateneo.
if you have no brains and lots of money, go to la salle.
if you have no money, go to pup.

[Swatch]

Other La Salle Jokes.....walang pikunan!

Why did the La Sallite drive around the
block 57 times?
Because his turn signal was stuck.

**************************************

How do La Sallites count to ten?
One, two, three, another, another,....

**************************************

A La Sallite walks up to store and says:
"I'd like a green parrot, please."
The clerk looks at him and says:
"Are you a La Sallite by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies:
"And just why is that your concern? If I
ordered a BLUE cheese, would you ask me
if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so.
If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask
Me if I were from UP? I think not.
So why then, when I want to buy a green
parrot you ask me if I am from La Salle???"
"Because," replied the clerk, "this is a
flower shop."

*************************************

A La Sallite, a Upian and an Atenean were
hunting one day.
The first night, the guy from UP comes back
to the cabin with a big deer. The others asked him how he did it, and he cooly replies:
"I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and
bang! I got the deer!"
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes
back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and bang! I got
the deer!" was the Atenean's story.
So the La Sallite decides to try it himself.
But the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find
him bruised and bloody all over. "What
happened?" they asked.
"Well," replies the La Sallite, " I saw the
tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang!.....A train hit me.

*************************************

La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many
chickens I have in this bag, I'll give you BOTH of them!
La Sallite #2: Uh,...duh....three?
La Sallite #1: No fair! You peeked!!

**************************************

[Meron]

May Isang La Sallista at isang Atenista nag wiwi sa isang cr. Matapos magwiwi ang La sallista siya'y naghugas samantalang ang Atenista ay tuloy tuloy lumabas.

La sallista : Are you by chance an Atenean?

Atenista : Why Yes! Aside from the fact that I am wearing an Ateneo jacket how did you know?

La Sallista : I noticed you didn't wash your hands after taking a leak. We La Sallites are taught in school to wash our hands after pissing.

Atenista : Well in Ateneo we are taught not to piss on our hands.
----

What happens if a La Sallite hurls a grenade at an Atenean. The Atenean simply picks up the grenade, pulls the pin and throws it back to the La Sallite.

----

Para naman sa La Salle

Atenean : Honey lets make love!
Maryknoller: We just did it 5 minutes ago.
Atenean: Can I finger you then?
Maryknoller: Ok fine... suite yourself.
Atenean: Dang! I left my grad ring inside!
Maryknoller: Then go get it!
Atenean : Dang!
Maryknoller: Why????
Atenean: Ba't La Salle na'to?!?!?

------

[maroonboy]

Reaksyon ng mga estudyante kapag nakakita ng prostitute

UP: bayaran!
DLSU: flirt!
ADMU: loose!
San Beda: how much?
PWU: hi classmate
FEU: hi suki!

=========================================

School's reaction when flooded

La Salle: Oh my God its baha!
Ateneo: #### its flooded again!
UST: *******, baha na naman!
UP: **** pare baha!
PUP: Tara ligo tayo!

=========================================

Reaction upon the loss of a wallet


DLSU: Lost my credit cards!
ATENEO: Lost 10 grand!
UST: Lost my Cartier wallet!
UP: Lost my driver's license, too!
AMA: Ay! Nasama yung picture ni Jolina!

[maroonboy]

ADMU - Ang Daming Mali sa UPCAT;
DLSU – Di Lumusot Sa UPCAT;
UST – UP Sana Tayo;
FEU – Failed Exam sa UP;
MAPUA – Meron Akong Panaginip: UP Ako;
PUP – Pekeng UP; Peeling UP
CEU – Cannot Enter UP;
St. PAUL – Sana Talaga Pumasa Ako sa UPCAT, Lord;
UE - UP ng mga ngongo.
AMA: Ahaay!!! Mag-aartista Ako
UA&P: UP Ang Pangarap
PLM - Pamanatasan sa Likod ng Mapua
PSBA - Parking Space Beside Ateneo / Pagawaan ng Sapatos, Bakya Atbp/ Philippine School of Below Average

[maroonboy]

di pa rin makaget over ang mga taga rito sa mga schools nila. your glory days will just be in 4-5 years or extended. makikita niyo paglabas niyo magpapantay pantay na kayo. kaya may iba dyan bumabalik sa academe kasi dun lang sila sikat. di sila sikat sa labas. kung sino ang madiskarte iyon ang umaasenso.

naalala ko lang heheh... pare pareho lang mababaho utut naten

[maroonboy]

FAVORITE PICK UP LINES

ATENEO: Hi! wanna ride in my new car?
UP Let's study together after school.
UST: Libre kita ng dinner.
DLSU: Let's have a date this weekend.
AMA: Date naman tayo, hindi ako taga AMA

[maroonboy]

FAVORITE BATH SOAP
ATENEO: Irish Spring
DLSU: Dove
UP: Safeguard
UST: Greencross
AMA: Downy

FAVORITE CANTEEN FOOD
ATENEO: Steak w/ mashed potato
DSLU: BBQ chicken w/ java rice
UP: Burgers and fries
UST: Pork Chop with rice
AMA: Sosy kami! 555 sardines, very
saucy.

PAG UMORDER NG BEER
DLSU: Blue Ice please.
ATENEO: Miller please.
UST: Red Horse please.
UP: Cerveza Negra po.
AMA: ******, Sandali lang... sabay-
sabay order nyo.

FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK
ATENEO: Harry Potter 1
DLSU: Harry Potter 2
CRC: Harry Potter 3
UP: Harry Potter 4
UST: Harry Potter 5
AMA: Connect The Dots 1-10

FAVORITE BUFFET RESTAURANT
DLSU: Saisaki
ATENEO: Dad's
UST: Kamayan
UP: Cabalen
AMA: uhmmm... kung anung favorite ni
jolina, yun na din ang sa min.

[kunanagel123]

ADMU - Ang Daming Mali sa UPCAT;
DLSU – Di Lumusot Sa UPCAT;
UST – UP Sana Tayo;
FEU – Failed Exam sa UP;
MAPUA – Meron Akong Panaginip: UP Ako;
PUP – Pekeng UP; Peeling UP
CEU – Cannot Enter UP;
St. PAUL – Sana Talaga Pumasa Ako sa UPCAT, Lord;
UE - UP ng mga ngongo.
AMA: Ahaay!!! Mag-aartista Ako
UA&P: UP Ang Pangarap
PLM - Pamanatasan sa Likod ng Mapua
PSBA - Parking Space Beside Ateneo / Pagawaan ng Sapatos, Bakya Atbp/ Philippine School of Below Average

medyo luma na to, pero nakakatawa pa rin. lalu na yung PSBA.

[ring_leaderIII]

Papuntang school:

Ateneo: Dad, I go punta na to the arneyow. Have you bayad na my credit card? See you later at Gesu to do simba.

La Salle: Ma! Where's my car key?!? I'm so late na! You know naman it's so hirap to park there!

UP: Nay, alis na ako until 11:30 lang class ko today. Do you want me to buy you something before I go home?

UST: Taena, late na ako haba pa pila sa FX! Bye, Ma!

UE: P0T@ late na! Ma, yung tuition ko di pa bayad 50k pa yun ha!

FEU: Ma, san na lipstick ko at foundation? Alis na ako. Ay! Ma! Sunblock ko pakihagis! Late na ako uwi mga 11PM.

SBC: P0t@ talaga tong mga taga-UE inaagaw pati kulay red! Dad, ihatid mo na ako late na me!

[kurapika_hunter]

FAVORITE HAMBURGER
ATENEO: Mcdonald's
DLSU: Carl's burger
UST: Burger king
UP: Wendy's
FEU: Burger Machine
ADAMSON: Scott's burger (buy1, take1)
NU: Scott's burger (yung take 1)
UE: Angel's Burger (Buy 1, take 1)

[shouran12]

God made LA SALLE students too rich and UP students too brainy so he combined both and called it ATENEO. But he found atenistas too airy so he added extra UP and made of a new breed of slightly rich yet humble students and called it UST but then they are too saintly. So he added looks. And now, behold and see.... he called it FAR EASTERN UNIVERSITY!

[Green_Spit]

God made LA SALLE students too rich and UP students too brainy so he combined both and called it ATENEO. But he found atenistas too airy so he added extra UP and made of a new breed of slightly rich yet humble students and called it UST but then they are too saintly. So he added looks. And now, behold and see.... he called it FAR EASTERN UNIVERSITY!

Eto ang talaga JOKE.. maisingit lang ang school sa morayta noh? hahahaha

[ring_leaderIII]

^ Pagbigyan mo na