Filipino-Chinese relationships

[BetchaGollyWow]

i was in this situation a year ago. there is this guy, kabarkada, kilala ng family ko. When they learned na this guy eventually court me, at first, my family disapproves it. Ayaw kasi nila na kung ano ang iisipin ng mga ibang tao (kapwa chinese din) kung ang magiging boyfriend ng anak nila e, filipino... but when they see yung effort ng guy na trying to win my family, hatid-sundo sa work and etc, they sort of liking him na rin eventually...

but this doesn't necessarily mean okey na kami.. in fact, kaming dalawa ang hindi magkasundo - nagcl-clash ang aming personality....

What bothers me when it comes to this chinese-filipino relationship is the family ... hindi kasi puwedeng di mo bigyan ng halaga ang mga magulang mo no matter how deep is your love to your partner... is there a way to get a comprise ???

[danhua]

why is it that dito lang sa pinas true yan ... i've been to other countries with chinese races - malaysia, singapore ... and to actual chinese countries - china and taiwan ... pero di big (as big as it is here in pinas) issue sa kanila kung non-chinese yung mapapangasawa ng anak nila ...

as to the response to the post ... depende na sa anak na chinese yon kung kaya niyang ipaglaban ...

[DiaperRash]

hmmm 2nd the motion ako ke ianski! dont define it as chinese-filipino relationship....love has no definitions naman diba?

[Quentin]

hmmm ...

i've seen this happen ...

compromise? from what i know, tradition can be really deep-rooted, encompassing even human reasoning just so the choice of a mate has to result in which a whole clan agrees.

siguro dahil the parents (yours) wants you to have a bright future with your kids, that's why they are making you choose a practical option.

from what i know ren, only the first-born female offspring is the one to which the parents will choose the husband. tapos ang mga sumunod the gels, eh, kanya kanya na.

i think the only hole you can get through here is to get it on 'gradually'. you can somehow make them get used to him.

well if your boy can meet your family's expectations, there might be even a better chance.

sa pinas kase, we still uphold some sort of racial line. and to cross that line could result into a small amount of chaos because of culture differences and stereotypes. it might seem invisible to some people, but it does exist.

[BetchaGollyWow]

oh sheesh.. life is really that difficult.
http://www.pinoyexchange.com/crying.gif

[Free Agent]

I see it this way: The parents will have to like you. I understand this because I have a crush on this Chinese girl and in the long run, I don't think anything will work out because of my race (as Pinoy). The Chinese tend to stick to people of their own race so I guess I don't have a shot. All this racial crap might have something to do with money and wealth. Magmumukhang yung guy nakikihalo sa yaman nung Chinese family so maybe that's the reason they don't like Pinoys in such a marriage.

Then again, I may be wrong.

To make it work, I say the family's gotta like you and you've got to be a little rich as well.

Peace, bro.

[BetchaGollyWow]

yes Free Agent at some point chinese family doesn't like to be mixed with filipino in their family because of wealth. Dahil nakikita nila na ang mga filipino (especially guys) e may mga bisyo - sugal, alak, barkada, etc... malaking chance na lahat ng pinaghirapan e mauwi sa wala. Also, the moment a chinese woman is married to a guy (whether filipino or chinese), the woman should be submissive to her husband. At kung ganoon klaseng asawa ang mayroon, siya, kawawa ang babae. Ito ang iniiwan ng mga chinese family - parents especially...

Thats why there are family they would allow chinese-filipino marriage with the condition of pre-nuptial agreement.

But this is not always the case. There are some naman they really don't want to have relationship with filipinos because they value their culture very much - traditions, history and practices, in which they want to be handed down from one generation to another...


just a thought ...My two-cent worth...

[BetchaGollyWow]

I hope the topic i posted will not offend anyone..

my idea here is to have a fruitful discussion, perhaps any ideas, suggestions or tips that you guys want to share...

cheers...

[Free Agent]

Originally posted by BetchaGollyWow:


my idea here is to have a fruitful discussion, perhaps any ideas, suggestions or tips that you guys want to share...

cheers...

Offer-an mo ng Green Card, baka sakaling tanggapin. That's my plan for this girl. http://www.pinoyexchange.com/lol.gif

PEACE.

[*happy*phantom*]

What to do to make your parents easier on you? Well, in my case, I just did not keep any secrets from them. When Mister Dean and I were still dating, I introduced him to my parents. BTW, I'm Chinese, he's not. By being open to my parents, I didn't pull any surprises on them. I think it helped a lot in terms of having my parents get used to the idea.

I heard from my mother that my dad was a little worried at first but when he got to meet him, he learned to love and accept him.

And in terms of how to make the relationship work, that depends on the maturity and communication patterns of the couple. It has nothing to do with race.

[purple^]

sheeesh! i'm in the same situation... only that my bf is chinese and i'm filipino. i guess it's really hard. what should we do? i don't want my bf to lose his family. i love him so much.

[rao]

Originally posted by BetchaGollyWow:
yes Free Agent at some point chinese family doesn't like to be mixed with filipino in their family because of wealth. Dahil nakikita nila na ang mga filipino (especially guys) e may mga bisyo - sugal, alak, barkada, etc... malaking chance na lahat ng pinaghirapan e mauwi sa wala.

Bakit, Chinese guys ba walang bisyo?

Also, the moment a chinese woman is married to a guy (whether filipino or chinese), the woman should be submissive to her husband. At kung ganoon klaseng asawa ang mayroon, siya, kawawa ang babae. Ito ang iniiwan ng mga chinese family - parents especially...

Thats why there are family they would allow chinese-filipino marriage with the condition of pre-nuptial agreement.

Submissive to her husband? Sa mga Chinese lang siguro yon.

But this is not always the case. There are some naman they really don't want to have relationship with filipinos because they value their culture very much - traditions, history and practices, in which they want to be handed down from one generation to another...


just a thought ...My two-cent worth...

Di sana sa China na lang sila tumira

[yuri]

sa HK or China just give dote (pera or any valuable thing)sa tatay ayos na ang kasunod.

[ianski_24]

Originally posted by BetchaGollyWow:
mahirap kasing tingnan as two people deeply in love with each other because one big factor affected is the family. As maxinegirlwrote, the worst case is being disowned and disinherited. Okey lang kung mawalan ka ng inheritance, but being disowned in the family? ang hirap. The basic support is coming from your own family.

I have several friends who are in this kind of situation. One couple nung kinasal sila, walang pumunta sa family ng babae mismo sa araw ng kasal. Sad diba? ang hirap at ang sakit.

well, i hv a friend also that has a bf who is chinese... he gave her everything but he is too possessive... with violent tendencies... ayaw ng family ng girl sa guy dahil dun... good thing naghiwalay sila kasi yoko rin ng guy for my friend... pero this all depend on the person involve and not on the race...

as for some chinese family na ayaw ng pinoy, its not all... it is still up to the individual family kung pano ang upbringing sa kanila...

now if ur bf is worth it and ang family nya ay di ok... its up to both of u kung kaya nyo mag survive if he will be disowned by his family...

but ofcourse easier said than done... not only financially, but how can u expect to hv a family without the other side...

now if u can deal with all of these, not mentioning the possible things the other family might do to separate you both.. then go... and goodluck...

[BetchaGollyWow]

Originally posted by rao:
Bakit, Chinese guys ba walang bisyo?

Mayroon din mga bisyo ang mga chinese guys.. di lang bulgar katulad ng mga filipino lalong lalo na sa mga balitang nababasa natin sa mga dyaryo.. (sabagay, it is very hard to read chinese newspapers!)

I agree ako kay *happy*phantom* na we shouldn't keep any secrets from our parents. We have to be open with them and tell them what we want and who we want to be with. I know it requires tons of guts!! pero kailangan e... . otherwise, lalong di papayag ang mga parents, close-minded na sila sa mga relationships natin at baka mawalan pa ang tiwala nila sa atin..

I guess one issue here we need to consider is how "open-minded" our parents are?

[Bea_]

For me, I think…hmm…well, I can see that chinese families just want to preserve their chinese race and the culture kaya ayaw ma mimix with others. Based on what I see among my chinese frends, looks are not really important for their parents(the traditional types ha, no violent rxns) basta chinese and chinese-speaking, most of the time approve agad, well that’s just my opinion. But once you are of a different race, no matter how smart, pretty, intelligent etc. you are, automatically disqualified ka na hehe I know some chinese parent na ayaw sa gf ng anak though she is pretty, sophisticated, educated, but tsut-sia(part-chinese) lang, the parent would kay-siao (ireto) the son to another girl pa na obviously inferior to the 1st one, but, a pure chinese. So what more if the girl is not in any way chinese di ba? It’s just so hard to overcome racial barriers. Some people arent really open-mined and refuse to do so, lalo na sa affairs ng mga anak, and that’s the sad part of the story.

[scarab]

but this is not china! this is the philippines for cryin' out loud. cut us pure bred pinoys some slack.

both parties nahihirapan dito eh.

so sad...

[Free Agent]

My God, let's just do away with the f*ckin' tradition! Let the Chinese marry the Filipino or another race! It's already the 21st century, for crying out loud!

[BetchaGollyWow]

Well .. its so sad that only here in Philippines that chinese-filipino relationship is highly discouraged...

hindi lang sad,nakakainis.. kasi i find it a simple way of saying -->; racist!!

ano ba yan!!

[LadyMarmalade]

Originally posted by danhua:
why is it that dito lang sa pinas true yan ... i've been to other countries with chinese races - malaysia, singapore ... and to actual chinese countries - china and taiwan ... pero di big (as big as it is here in pinas) issue sa kanila kung non-chinese yung mapapangasawa ng anak nila ...

i've noticed that too...bakit nga ba ganon?