What to do after (justified?) slapping of wife

ArtBon · Nov 19, 2009, 01:20 PM

Hi everyone. First time to post a thread here but long time reader of the forums.

I have this dilemma wherein I just slapped my wife. I know it sounds very cruel of me but here's the story.

I am disciplining our 5 yr. old boy for not wanting to sleep even though its 1:00 am already, sort of giving him "time out" wherein he stands at one corner of the room (near the bed..) doing nothing.

However, while my son was having his "time-out", he was also crying loudly, enough to wake my wife and our baby on the other bed. My wife wanted me to carry my son to the bed and spank him there. I said no since I'm in the middle of disciplining my child and not finishing that would lead to conflicting disciplines. I said we could probably do it next time. But then she insisted and spanked my son and held my son by the arm tried to push him to bed. I was sitting by the bedside all this time and I held my son and made him stay standing, while insisting the point that I'm in the middle of disciplining the child.

Still she again tried to lift the child to the bed, but this time I pushed away her hand that's grabbing the child. Kumbaga, hinawi ko lang yung kamay nya sa pagkahawak sa anak ko. Then suddenly, as she was standing and I was sitting in the bed, she punched me in the shoulders. Not really negligible for me since I wasn't looking at her but at my son, so I wasn't ready, and i felt the pain. I somewhat instinctively slapped her.

I don't know if it's a justified act, maybe because wala pa akong tulog, tapos pagod pa ako galing sa trabaho, tapos frustrated pa akong patulgin yung anak ko. Also, it's the first time that I've been punched by a loved one.

My wife is of a different mold kasi, minumura nya ako, laging galit pag magkausap kami, and does not listen and have only little respect for me and my feelings, although I can say that I am an ideal husband and father, although hindi nga lang ako mayaman. These I didn't really discover until a few years after marriage, but I managed to handle these without getting violent. But then something snapped that night and I did what i did.

But then, now I feel guilty. But she keeps on threatening me na hihiwalay na daw sya dahil doon, dahil matagal na daw syang nagtitiis sa akin ( ha???).

What does a man to do in this situation? Her, I love, but I know I can probably learn live without, but I so love my kids.

I need your advice and enlightenment please...

F-A Soldier · Nov 19, 2009, 01:32 PM

I've never hit a woman once, the males in my family haven't either, it's a tradition in our family that hitting women are for scumbags and *******. I think one of my great uncles went to jail after he killed his wife beating neighbor. lol.

I understand that sometimes it's so overbearing, but buddy don't you think it's your fault that your wife act without respect to you? Women in a relationship where they are somewhat subservient, the kind of tradition we grow up in, it's the man's job to keep her respecting him. Much like your kids, some kind of 'reverent fear' the kind that you don't have to use actual violence to execute.

My college professor, once said in our world politics class: the moment a husband hit his wife is the moment he lose any control of her. YOu shouldn't have let it to the point she disrespects you, yells at you.

My father never once even threatened my mother of violence, and my mother is not the kind of person, be it male or female, that she cowers. She's loudspoken, mataray, and street smart. But when my dad shows any form of serious anger, my mom is the first to know her place. It's respectful fear that my dad don't even have to raise a voice throughout their relationship that made my mother respectful of his place as the family man.

jed_allan · Nov 19, 2009, 01:33 PM

TS, baka masama pa loob nyong dalawa ngayon kasi katatapos lang ng away nyo.magpakalma ka muna. after a few days at ganun pa rin sinasabi nya sa yo, then saka natin pag usapan ang hiwalayan na yan.

ArtBon · Nov 19, 2009, 01:55 PM

@ F-A Soldier: I know. I totally feel like a scumbag. I feel like $hit. I see your point. Maybe I had let respect go out of hand. Maybe because she almost always gets her way. I've long been aware that I've spoiled her.

I believe I have to say sorry. May it be rejected or not...

@jed allan: Tama ka tol. Mainit pa rin kahit a few days have passed. Problema ko rin kasi di ko alam kung paano kumalma, hindi ko best friend ang alak, hindi ako nagbabarkada, at lalong hindi ako nambababae...Opisina tapos derecho bahay lang ako eh, kaya lagi ko syang nakikita. Ano kaya magandang pampakalma?

baklita · Nov 19, 2009, 01:58 PM

learn the trade of martial arts, so that next time both of you
has the offense and defense for a better encounter. try it?

aihihihi!!!

baklits

jed_allan · Nov 19, 2009, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtBon

@ F-A Soldier: I know. I totally feel like a scumbag. I feel like $hit. I see your point. Maybe I had let respect go out of hand. Maybe because she almost always gets her way. I've long been aware that I've spoiled her.

I believe I have to say sorry. May it be rejected or not...

@jed allan: Tama ka tol. Mainit pa rin kahit a few days have passed. Problema ko rin kasi di ko alam kung paano kumalma, hindi ko best friend ang alak, hindi ako nagbabarkada, at lalong hindi ako nambababae...Opisina tapos derecho bahay lang ako eh, kaya lagi ko syang nakikita. Ano kaya magandang pampakalma?

ang problema, baka matagal ng nagpaplano misis mo na hiwalayan ka.naghahanap lang ng rason like a big fight na masasaktan mo sya.nakakainis nga yan eh.ang babae,pwede kang saktan o pagsalitaan ng kahit ano, pero tayo pag dumapo kamay natin sa kanila, battery agad.

pag naayos yan,bili ka punching bag para dun mo mailabas sama ng loob mo.

napakadali sa kanila magthreaten ng hiwalayan kasi usually,di mawawalay sa kanila yung mga anak.di nila iniisip na pwedeng madepress ng asawa nila kung malayo na sa anak.

kreuk · Nov 19, 2009, 02:24 PM

from a female perspective TS... dapat nirerespeto yun asawang lalaki. dapat binibigyan ng halaga yun salita niya. she should respect ur individuality. in my book ... malaking kasalanan ang maliitin yun asawa mo. kung hindi mo kayang respetuhin yun salita ng asawa mo... wala ng sense yn marriage. it's a big joke.

but of course... kahit among girls... may variations in personality. some are stubborn, some are opinionated, some are easy to get along. let alone kahit hindi married ang girl, she can have difficulty with respecting other people's thoughts. remember in college?! may mga girls a bossy na talaga?!

(just curious... is there a chance na obsessive compulsive ka ba... pain in the *** kind of way for someone like ur wife?! kasi parang meron kayong di pagkakasunduan eh.what im saying is disrespect is not the root problem but personality differences where disrespect is much easier to breed in). for example... ur OC, she's spontaneous... so kahit anong gawin niya... she's prone to hate ur OC ways and belittle it.

anyway... buti alam mo na mali yun pagsasampal na ginawa mo sa babae. siguro enough na yun

naiintindihan ko yun sentiments ng misis mo as far as slapping is concerned. just show her that ur very very sorry. nakakabastos kasi talaga *** act na yun. masakit man o hindi.

pero kung napagsasalitaan kita ng di maganda, siguro maiintindihan ko bakit umabot sa point na nasampal mo ako (basta di ganon ka lakas - which means... di umikot ulo ko ng 90 degrees

). btw, stupid pala yun hirit ng wife mo na "pinagtiyatiyagaan ka niya". nobody is asking her naman, heller. she can always leave kaya yn hirit na yan eh stupid. di mo pwede ipagmalaki sa asawa mo na nagtyatyaga kasi siya yun walang lakas na loob iwanan ka

so technically... engot niya.

ArtBon · Nov 19, 2009, 03:02 PM

@kreuk:
Thanks for that input.

She is very (became?) opinionated and stubborn. I'm not OC, I'm spontaneous more than she is. In fact, I'm the opposite. I almost always let her have her way kung pwede namang pagtiisan. Our difference in personality and opinion became evident as the years went by. I do soul searching, she, believes she can never be wrong.

I've spoiled her I think. But what can I do? Thinking about it, it was probably wrong, but that's the way I manifested my love for her. I take her ways, rationalize it, and take it over my own.

I do not curse her, pero ako sinasabihan ng g@g0, t@ng@ at yung "p-- mo " na word. Pero hanggang "___ mo rin" lang ang sagot ko...hindi ko sya sinasaktan...not until she hit me and I was an a$$hole to hit back.

Kreuk, mali talaga yung ginawa kong pag-sampal sa kanya. Pero dahil hindi lang salita ang ginawa nya. Sinuntok nya ang balikat ko na wala akong kaalam-alam. Nasaktan ako, lalake ako at nabigla ako. Masakit na nga yung suntok nya, mas lalong masakit sa pagkatao ko yung ginawa nya. I slapped her, but I held back the impact, hindi nga nagmarka eh...Pero kahit ano pa man...alam kong mali pa rin iyon.

Yun namang pagtitiis nya, hindi ko pa maintindihan masyado eh. I think I'm a good husband and provider. Since I got married, tinigil ko na ang pag-inom, at hindi rin ako nagbabarkada. Lalo namang hindi ako nambabae. The only reason I could think of was that I failed her expectations on an ideal marriage. I still am not well-off financially. The primary reason is because my good income is diverted to my son's needs, she somehow disappointed in this. My son has autism (the reason why he can't sleep...). I educate my son the way a special child should be educated, she can't handle this cerebral way of raising a special child. She can't handle problems.

I used to pride myself of having so much respect to women, specially the one I love. But right now, the pain I feel is compounded by the fact that I also failed myself.

kreuk · Nov 19, 2009, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtBon

I do not curse her, pero ako sinasabihan ng g@g0, t@ng@ at yung "p-- mo " na word. Pero hanggang "___ mo rin" lang ang sagot ko...hindi ko sya sinasaktan...not until she hit me and I was an a$$hole to hit back.

that's too much. il never say stuff like that to my husband unless i joking around or know he won't take it seriously.

pero i can't apply my values on her. maybe she doesn't mean those words. baka talagang may pagka vulgar lang siya?! sa other aspects pa hindi ka nakakaramdam ng care?!

jed_allan · Nov 19, 2009, 04:25 PM

kausapin mo na lang nang mahinahon. kahit ano pa sabihin mo,palalabasin nyang ikaw may kasalanan at unfortunately,siguradong marami maniniwala sa kanya. sabihin mo na gusto mong maayos ang problema nyo at pag usapan kung anong klaseng pagdidisiplina ang gusto nyong gamitin sa pagpapalaki ng mga anak nyo.

~Golliwog · Nov 19, 2009, 04:28 PM

TS, ayain mo si misis na mag-enrol kayong dalawa sa boxing o sa martial arts. Para pag-galit kayo, may rason kayong magbugbugan.

rolling on the floor laughing my a$$ off

jed_allan · Nov 19, 2009, 04:32 PM

baka naman ilang araw mo na hindi nakakantoot kaya mainit ang ulo. mainitin ulo ng babae pag nadyedyeta eh. pansin ko lang.

sobrang dyeta siguro asawa mo,nasapak ka eh.

baklita · Nov 19, 2009, 09:46 PM

physically hurting a woman just like what you did isn't justified.
abuse ang iyong ginawa. you seem to have this tendencyto hurt
women if cornered. dapat pala iiwas ang mga kababaihan sa iyo...
you're a vengeful person.

aihihihi!!!

baklits

hooven · Nov 19, 2009, 09:49 PM

in a way, naintindihan ko ang sitwasyon ni misis.... ang frustrations niya sa anak ninyo - sa iyo inilalabas... mali naman iyon.... thru words naman ang banat niya sa iyo... mas mabuting ipakausap mo sa specialist sa autism ang misis mo tapos kausapin mo rin siya about your marital situation... may galit sa loob at frustration ang misis mo kaya palaging galit iyan at nagmumura... dapat kausapin mo siya at paliwanagang maigi... good luck...

java_chiq · Nov 19, 2009, 10:04 PM

hmmm...

dysfunctional ...

you are a control freak.

you don't give a kid time out...because he is not sleepy. You have a lot more to learn about parenthood.

she got short temper.

and she's wrong about spanking the kid...but so is hitting her back.

good news tho...worse relationships have succeeded...so could yours.

F-A Soldier · Nov 20, 2009, 01:41 AM

"Rectitude carried to excess hardens into stiffness; benevolence indulged beyond measure sinks into weakness." Date Masamune

to TS, this is the problem with people who are lazy to discipline or are deluded with thinking that allowing people to do whatever they please is "good" or "love". Machiavelli once said, that sometimes 'evil' is the best thing you can do for someone, and 'good' is sometimes the most evil in the long run. It's the same with relationship, as a man, father and husband: you can't discipline ONLY when you're mad, you have to discipline whenEVER you need to and within the reasons.

I hate those parents who have those fat spoiled kids, let's them go until they do something that piss them off then they beat 'em up. Retarded! Put your foot down all the time, instead of stomping your foot down once in a while.

The every time you let her do what she wants, she loose respect of you, forget who you are and your place. The moment you try to gain respect by physical violence, (when it's too late) you lose all control of her respect...the worst part? you did this because you thought you 'loved' her AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE but in the end you know how you're going to look like to her and people around you? The 'as shole', even if you hit her only once and it was in some form of justification. You might as well have been a drunken wife beater.

"The great epochs of our life come when we gain the courage to rechristen our evil as what is best in us." Nietszche

ArtBon · Nov 20, 2009, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by java_chiq

hmmm...

dysfunctional ...

you are a control freak.

you don't give a kid time out...because he is not sleepy. You have a lot more to learn about parenthood.

she got short temper.

and she's wrong about spanking the kid...but so is hitting her back.

good news tho...worse relationships have succeeded...so could yours.

Thanks for the comment, points taken... But I can't help but correct you on a comment you made.

Do you have any idea how ASD children do not seem to sleep? Better yet, do you have any idea how ASD children are, apart from stereotypes that we see in movies and hearsay? There's absolutely more to it than what you guys think.

Sometimes they even sleep with their eyes open. Oftentimes they just do whatever pointless occupation they are in, over and over and over and over... unless you make them stop...and that is the hard part. Just like my child who at that time is still up at 1:00 am (that means morning...) and jumping and laughing and crying. I use the progression approach in situations like these. I have taken time to learn and know how to deal with these kind of situations, believe me. And I know I'm well within what is being taught in SPED, ABA, PT, OT, ST, Floortime or what have you...

I really don't think I'm a control freak. And I don't believe you are in a situation to tell me I have a lot more to learn about parenthood in this case. Unless you are a proactive and learned parent of an autistic child and have a child older than mine.

Otherwise, save the judgment to yourself. Or maybe you should back-read before posting.

ArtBon · Nov 20, 2009, 08:52 PM

Thank you all for all your replies. Enlightening, funny, amusing, irritating, shocking. A kaleidoscope of personalities I think, but of course, this is a public forum.

Thanks again and best of luck to all...

java_chiq · Nov 20, 2009, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtBon

Thanks for the comment, points taken... But I can't help but correct you on a comment you made.

Do you have any idea how ASD children do not seem to sleep? Better yet, do you have any idea how ASD children are, apart from stereotypes that we see in movies and hearsay? There's absolutely more to it than what you guys think.

Sometimes they even sleep with their eyes open. Oftentimes they just do whatever pointless occupation they are in, over and over and over and over... unless you make them stop...and that is the hard part. Just like my child who at that time is still up at 1:00 am (that means morning...) and jumping and laughing and crying. I use the progression approach in situations like these. I have taken time to learn and know how to deal with these kind of situations, believe me. And I know I'm well within what is being taught in SPED, ABA, PT, OT, ST, Floortime or what have you...

I really don't think I'm a control freak. And I don't believe you are in a situation to tell me I have a lot more to learn about parenthood in this case. Unless you are a proactive and learned parent of an autistic child and have a child older than mine.

Otherwise, save the judgment to yourself. Or maybe you should back-read before posting.

hmmm... I made my comment on the assumption that you got a normal kid.

Missed out on ASD.

in which case....sorry dude. My bad.

CapTJacKSparroW · Nov 21, 2009, 01:49 AM

You're in a very tough situation man. I can only imagine what you're going through. But I'll share you my thoughts nonetheless ..

At that precise instant when u hit your wife, you have probably reached the end of your rope. But that aint your nature right? That's why u feel this much guilt. And no one here is qualified to tell you that slapping your wife is justified or not. Justice is a relative word. Heck, every nation has written thousands of pages to interpret what is just & unjust. My point is .. you don't have to dwell too much into the propriety of your actions, because the moment you do .. you may have decided on the fate of your marriage.

Now putting myself into your shoes .. a lot of questions need to be asked. Have I been a boring, insensitive and controlling husband to push my wife to this kind of behavior? Has she ever said sorry for constantly saying those hurtful words? Was she this vulgar and disrespectful when I married her or did she change through time? Did I cause this change? If not, what did? yada yada yada .. I know you get my drift.

I get ticked off whenever someone says that it's only the husband's job to earn the respect of his wife. That's bu11sh!t. Of course I gotta show that I deserve it .. that should go unsaid. But we're not talking about common sense here are we? There's got to be some sort of response or acknowledgement from the woman I love. Marriage is a two-way street. Though I accept the fact that women are very emotional and have the tendency to be very blunt when they're mad .. I could say the same for me. That's just how it is. It's a battle of thresholds.

If I can somehow talk to her in a calm & mature way .. that's the first big step. We'll say our apologies (specially mine) .. we'll discuss our past and present .. maybe come up with a new set of rules for the future .. maybe kiss and make up. But if not .. if she keeps on nagging me .. if she keeps on threatening to break up with me .. then fvck the magic dragon man .. breakup it is. I would rather have my children see their father 3-4 days a week .. than see their parents try to kill each other every single day.

Of course, my opinions are based on your side of the story .. I just hope you examine hers too.


Nov 19, 2009, 01:20 PM	#1
ArtBon Member Join Date: Nov 2009	What to do after (justified?) slapping of wife Hi everyone. First time to post a thread here but long time reader of the forums. I have this dilemma wherein I just slapped my wife. I know it sounds very cruel of me but here's the story. I am disciplining our 5 yr. old boy for not wanting to sleep even though its 1:00 am already, sort of giving him "time out" wherein he stands at one corner of the room (near the bed..) doing nothing. However, while my son was having his "time-out", he was also crying loudly, enough to wake my wife and our baby on the other bed. My wife wanted me to carry my son to the bed and spank him there. I said no since I'm in the middle of disciplining my child and not finishing that would lead to conflicting disciplines. I said we could probably do it next time. But then she insisted and spanked my son and held my son by the arm tried to push him to bed. I was sitting by the bedside all this time and I held my son and made him stay standing, while insisting the point that I'm in the middle of disciplining the child. Still she again tried to lift the child to the bed, but this time I pushed away her hand that's grabbing the child. Kumbaga, hinawi ko lang yung kamay nya sa pagkahawak sa anak ko. Then suddenly, as she was standing and I was sitting in the bed, she punched me in the shoulders. Not really negligible for me since I wasn't looking at her but at my son, so I wasn't ready, and i felt the pain. I somewhat instinctively slapped her. I don't know if it's a justified act, maybe because wala pa akong tulog, tapos pagod pa ako galing sa trabaho, tapos frustrated pa akong patulgin yung anak ko. Also, it's the first time that I've been punched by a loved one. My wife is of a different mold kasi, minumura nya ako, laging galit pag magkausap kami, and does not listen and have only little respect for me and my feelings, although I can say that I am an ideal husband and father, although hindi nga lang ako mayaman. These I didn't really discover until a few years after marriage, but I managed to handle these without getting violent. But then something snapped that night and I did what i did. But then, now I feel guilty. But she keeps on threatening me na hihiwalay na daw sya dahil doon, dahil matagal na daw syang nagtitiis sa akin ( ha???). What does a man to do in this situation? Her, I love, but I know I can probably learn live without, but I so love my kids. I need your advice and enlightenment please...


Nov 19, 2009, 02:24 PM	#7
kreuk pex addict Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: kusina sa bahay	from a female perspective TS... dapat nirerespeto yun asawang lalaki. dapat binibigyan ng halaga yun salita niya. she should respect ur individuality. in my book ... malaking kasalanan ang maliitin yun asawa mo. kung hindi mo kayang respetuhin yun salita ng asawa mo... wala ng sense yn marriage. it's a big joke. but of course... kahit among girls... may variations in personality. some are stubborn, some are opinionated, some are easy to get along. let alone kahit hindi married ang girl, she can have difficulty with respecting other people's thoughts. remember in college?! may mga girls a bossy na talaga?! (just curious... is there a chance na obsessive compulsive ka ba... pain in the * kind of way for someone like ur wife?! kasi parang meron kayong di pagkakasunduan eh.what im saying is disrespect is not the root problem but personality differences where disrespect is much easier to breed in). for example... ur OC, she's spontaneous... so kahit anong gawin niya... she's prone to hate ur OC ways and belittle it. anyway... buti alam mo na mali yun pagsasampal na ginawa mo sa babae. siguro enough na yun naiintindihan ko yun sentiments ng misis mo as far as slapping is concerned. just show her that ur very very sorry. nakakabastos kasi talaga * act na yun. masakit man o hindi. pero kung napagsasalitaan kita ng di maganda, siguro maiintindihan ko bakit umabot sa point na nasampal mo ako (basta di ganon ka lakas - which means... di umikot ulo ko ng 90 degrees). btw, stupid pala yun hirit ng wife mo na "pinagtiyatiyagaan ka niya". nobody is asking her naman, heller. she can always leave kaya yn hirit na yan eh stupid. di mo pwede ipagmalaki sa asawa mo na nagtyatyaga kasi siya yun walang lakas na loob iwanan ka so technically... engot niya.


Nov 19, 2009, 01:32 PM	#2
F-A Soldier Your Personal Jesus Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Winter Wonderland	I've never hit a woman once, the males in my family haven't either, it's a tradition in our family that hitting women are for scumbags and *******. I think one of my great uncles went to jail after he killed his wife beating neighbor. lol. I understand that sometimes it's so overbearing, but buddy don't you think it's your fault that your wife act without respect to you? Women in a relationship where they are somewhat subservient, the kind of tradition we grow up in, it's the man's job to keep her respecting him. Much like your kids, some kind of 'reverent fear' the kind that you don't have to use actual violence to execute. My college professor, once said in our world politics class: the moment a husband hit his wife is the moment he lose any control of her. YOu shouldn't have let it to the point she disrespects you, yells at you. My father never once even threatened my mother of violence, and my mother is not the kind of person, be it male or female, that she cowers. She's loudspoken, mataray, and street smart. But when my dad shows any form of serious anger, my mom is the first to know her place. It's respectful fear that my dad don't even have to raise a voice throughout their relationship that made my mother respectful of his place as the family man.


Nov 19, 2009, 01:33 PM	#3
jed_allan The Mentalist Join Date: Apr 2006	TS, baka masama pa loob nyong dalawa ngayon kasi katatapos lang ng away nyo.magpakalma ka muna. after a few days at ganun pa rin sinasabi nya sa yo, then saka natin pag usapan ang hiwalayan na yan.


Nov 19, 2009, 01:55 PM	#4
ArtBon Member Join Date: Nov 2009	@ F-A Soldier: I know. I totally feel like a scumbag. I feel like $hit. I see your point. Maybe I had let respect go out of hand. Maybe because she almost always gets her way. I've long been aware that I've spoiled her. I believe I have to say sorry. May it be rejected or not... @jed allan: Tama ka tol. Mainit pa rin kahit a few days have passed. Problema ko rin kasi di ko alam kung paano kumalma, hindi ko best friend ang alak, hindi ako nagbabarkada, at lalong hindi ako nambababae...Opisina tapos derecho bahay lang ako eh, kaya lagi ko syang nakikita. Ano kaya magandang pampakalma?


Nov 19, 2009, 01:58 PM	#5
baklita taas kilay Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: byuti parlor	learn the trade of martial arts, so that next time both of you has the offense and defense for a better encounter. try it? aihihihi!!! baklits


Nov 19, 2009, 03:02 PM	#8
ArtBon Member Join Date: Nov 2009	@kreuk: Thanks for that input. She is very (became?) opinionated and stubborn. I'm not OC, I'm spontaneous more than she is. In fact, I'm the opposite. I almost always let her have her way kung pwede namang pagtiisan. Our difference in personality and opinion became evident as the years went by. I do soul searching, she, believes she can never be wrong. I've spoiled her I think. But what can I do? Thinking about it, it was probably wrong, but that's the way I manifested my love for her. I take her ways, rationalize it, and take it over my own. I do not curse her, pero ako sinasabihan ng g@g0, t@ng@ at yung "p-- mo " na word. Pero hanggang "___ mo rin" lang ang sagot ko...hindi ko sya sinasaktan...not until she hit me and I was an a$$hole to hit back. Kreuk, mali talaga yung ginawa kong pag-sampal sa kanya. Pero dahil hindi lang salita ang ginawa nya. Sinuntok nya ang balikat ko na wala akong kaalam-alam. Nasaktan ako, lalake ako at nabigla ako. Masakit na nga yung suntok nya, mas lalong masakit sa pagkatao ko yung ginawa nya. I slapped her, but I held back the impact, hindi nga nagmarka eh...Pero kahit ano pa man...alam kong mali pa rin iyon. Yun namang pagtitiis nya, hindi ko pa maintindihan masyado eh. I think I'm a good husband and provider. Since I got married, tinigil ko na ang pag-inom, at hindi rin ako nagbabarkada. Lalo namang hindi ako nambabae. The only reason I could think of was that I failed her expectations on an ideal marriage. I still am not well-off financially. The primary reason is because my good income is diverted to my son's needs, she somehow disappointed in this. My son has autism (the reason why he can't sleep...). I educate my son the way a special child should be educated, she can't handle this cerebral way of raising a special child. She can't handle problems. I used to pride myself of having so much respect to women, specially the one I love. But right now, the pain I feel is compounded by the fact that I also failed myself.


Nov 19, 2009, 04:25 PM	#10
jed_allan The Mentalist Join Date: Apr 2006	kausapin mo na lang nang mahinahon. kahit ano pa sabihin mo,palalabasin nyang ikaw may kasalanan at unfortunately,siguradong marami maniniwala sa kanya. sabihin mo na gusto mong maayos ang problema nyo at pag usapan kung anong klaseng pagdidisiplina ang gusto nyong gamitin sa pagpapalaki ng mga anak nyo.


Nov 19, 2009, 04:28 PM	#11
~Golliwog Bannêd by Adm¡n 3x ♫ Join Date: Mar 2007	TS, ayain mo si misis na mag-enrol kayong dalawa sa boxing o sa martial arts. Para pag-galit kayo, may rason kayong magbugbugan.


Nov 19, 2009, 04:32 PM	#12
jed_allan The Mentalist Join Date: Apr 2006	baka naman ilang araw mo na hindi nakakantoot kaya mainit ang ulo. mainitin ulo ng babae pag nadyedyeta eh. pansin ko lang. sobrang dyeta siguro asawa mo,nasapak ka eh.


Nov 19, 2009, 09:46 PM	#13
baklita taas kilay Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: byuti parlor	physically hurting a woman just like what you did isn't justified. abuse ang iyong ginawa. you seem to have this tendencyto hurt women if cornered. dapat pala iiwas ang mga kababaihan sa iyo... you're a vengeful person. aihihihi!!! baklits


Nov 19, 2009, 09:49 PM	#14
hooven Member Join Date: Jun 2006	in a way, naintindihan ko ang sitwasyon ni misis.... ang frustrations niya sa anak ninyo - sa iyo inilalabas... mali naman iyon.... thru words naman ang banat niya sa iyo... mas mabuting ipakausap mo sa specialist sa autism ang misis mo tapos kausapin mo rin siya about your marital situation... may galit sa loob at frustration ang misis mo kaya palaging galit iyan at nagmumura... dapat kausapin mo siya at paliwanagang maigi... good luck...


Nov 19, 2009, 10:04 PM	#15
java_chiq B A N N E D for life Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: bilangguan	hmmm... dysfunctional ... you are a control freak. you don't give a kid time out...because he is not sleepy. You have a lot more to learn about parenthood. she got short temper. and she's wrong about spanking the kid...but so is hitting her back. good news tho...worse relationships have succeeded...so could yours.


Nov 20, 2009, 01:41 AM	#16
F-A Soldier Your Personal Jesus Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Winter Wonderland	"Rectitude carried to excess hardens into stiffness; benevolence indulged beyond measure sinks into weakness." Date Masamune to TS, this is the problem with people who are lazy to discipline or are deluded with thinking that allowing people to do whatever they please is "good" or "love". Machiavelli once said, that sometimes 'evil' is the best thing you can do for someone, and 'good' is sometimes the most evil in the long run. It's the same with relationship, as a man, father and husband: you can't discipline ONLY when you're mad, you have to discipline whenEVER you need to and within the reasons. I hate those parents who have those fat spoiled kids, let's them go until they do something that piss them off then they beat 'em up. Retarded! Put your foot down all the time, instead of stomping your foot down once in a while. The every time you let her do what she wants, she loose respect of you, forget who you are and your place. The moment you try to gain respect by physical violence, (when it's too late) you lose all control of her respect...the worst part? you did this because you thought you 'loved' her AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE but in the end you know how you're going to look like to her and people around you? The 'as shole', even if you hit her only once and it was in some form of justification. You might as well have been a drunken wife beater. "The great epochs of our life come when we gain the courage to rechristen our evil as what is best in us." Nietszche


Nov 20, 2009, 08:52 PM	#18
ArtBon Member Join Date: Nov 2009	Thank you all for all your replies. Enlightening, funny, amusing, irritating, shocking. A kaleidoscope of personalities I think, but of course, this is a public forum. Thanks again and best of luck to all...


Nov 21, 2009, 01:49 AM	#20
CapTJacKSparroW marooned Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Isla de Muerta	You're in a very tough situation man. I can only imagine what you're going through. But I'll share you my thoughts nonetheless .. At that precise instant when u hit your wife, you have probably reached the end of your rope. But that aint your nature right? That's why u feel this much guilt. And no one here is qualified to tell you that slapping your wife is justified or not. Justice is a relative word. Heck, every nation has written thousands of pages to interpret what is just & unjust. My point is .. you don't have to dwell too much into the propriety of your actions, because the moment you do .. you may have decided on the fate of your marriage. Now putting myself into your shoes .. a lot of questions need to be asked. Have I been a boring, insensitive and controlling husband to push my wife to this kind of behavior? Has she ever said sorry for constantly saying those hurtful words? Was she this vulgar and disrespectful when I married her or did she change through time? Did I cause this change? If not, what did? yada yada yada .. I know you get my drift. I get ticked off whenever someone says that it's only the husband's job to earn the respect of his wife. That's bu11sh!t. Of course I gotta show that I deserve it .. that should go unsaid. But we're not talking about common sense here are we? There's got to be some sort of response or acknowledgement from the woman I love. Marriage is a two-way street. Though I accept the fact that women are very emotional and have the tendency to be very blunt when they're mad .. I could say the same for me. That's just how it is. It's a battle of thresholds. If I can somehow talk to her in a calm & mature way .. that's the first big step. We'll say our apologies (specially mine) .. we'll discuss our past and present .. maybe come up with a new set of rules for the future .. maybe kiss and make up. But if not .. if she keeps on nagging me .. if she keeps on threatening to break up with me .. then fvck the magic dragon man .. breakup it is. I would rather have my children see their father 3-4 days a week .. than see their parents try to kill each other every single day. Of course, my opinions are based on your side of the story .. I just hope you examine hers too.